Wisdom in the secret heart

Psalm 51:6 NASB: Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

If you take a look at the Hebrew definitions from Strong’s you get the following definitions: firmness, faithfulness, truth; sureness, reliability; stability, continuance; faithfulness, reliableness; truth; as spoken; of testimony and judgment; of divine instruction; truth as a body of ethical or religious knowledge; true doctrine.

Had I read this and thought about this particular verse a few years ago I would have thought that God was looking at my heart and hoping He would find truth there.

Today, I don’t think that. I believe God is coming to me and telling me He wants to put truth in my inner heart. He desires that my heart have truth inserted into it, because my heart is full of anything but truth.

We know from this psalm and other scriptures that the human heart is capable of anything. I read the other day of a young woman in New York who adopted a foreign child. She was a good woman and so badly wanted to be a mother. The adoption was difficult and one day she snapped and beat the two year old badly. The next day, she died. The mother who’s hopes and dreams were so high is now serving 25 years in prison for this crime. After things had settled down, and people were able to talk about it, no one had any idea how such a nice person with such high hopes and potential could do such a horrible thing.

The Bible knows. The Scriptures go to great lengths to explain to us this very situation and the cure. The cure is to pour the water of God’s word into your heart. People don’t take this seriously. I have dabbled at it for years but only in the last year have I begun to understand the impact of God’s Word. There is nothing else I can do that will have the impact on my life that pouring God’s Word into my heart will have.

Jesus ministered to two women in the Gospel of John. In John 4 there is the woman at the well. In John 8 is the story of the woman caught in adultery. Both women were caught in virtually the same problem. Jesus spoke extensively with the woman at the well. He told her about rivers of living water in the human heart. The other woman was not condemned but simply told “go and sin no more”. We are told the woman at the well went and came back. The other woman simply left. I wonder if “go and sin no more” was enough for her? I think the first woman caught on to the program by asking “where can I get this water”. I don’t know that the second woman received the same type of revelation. I hope so, but I don’t know that she did.

The key to all three situations is pouring the water into your heart. David and both women in John needed to have truth in their hearts. The only way to get it is through the word. There is no other way.

Lord: Help me to not look at the desperate situation of my heart, but let me be like the woman at the well whose sin was great yet so desired for the water that would be rivers of living water in her soul. I want to spend time in your word and receive secret instruction in my heart Lord.

A broken heart

I am afraid of a broken heart.  A broken heart as I see it defined in verse 17 is scary to me.  Here is a sample of the Hebrew meaning as given by Strong's concordance:

to break, break in pieces; break, break in or down, rend violently, wreck, crush, quench; to break, rupture'; to be broken, be maimed, be crippled, be wrecked; to be broken, be crushed; to shatter, break; to cause to break out, bring to the birth; to be broken, be shattered .

Contrite on the other hand means:

caused by or showing sincere remorse; filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement; penitent: a contrite sinner.

I can relate to contrite.  I can't relate to broken heart.  Yet it appears from the psalm that God requires both.  It's not an either or proposition.  You must be contrite and have a broken heart.

I've thought about that for quite a while.  I've thought about times my heart was broken and crushed.  I've thought about the pain that experience brought to my life.  There was nothing about any of it that was good.  Yet we have God's word in Romans 8 that He will bring something good out of it.  I have His word in verse 17 that he requires it of me.

So  here I sit.  I don't know what to do.  My heart has been sufficiently insulated from the breath of life for so long, it's difficult to imagine anything else.  Yet in the last year, I've begun the process of opening my heart to experience the full range of emotions God has gifted us with.  There are times I think I'm making progress.  There are other times I am regressing.  There are times I'm doing nothing.  The overall direction is good and I'm not seeing the same scenery all the time, so I know I'm not going in circles!  But this broken heart thing ... I don't know about that.

Lord:  I don't know what to do with this broken heart thing.  I don't know how to communicate what I feel at the deepest level about the things that are important.  Please help me!

What does it have to do with me?

As I read this weeks lesson, I must confess, I didn't like it.  At least I didn't like it the first couple of times I read it.  Then I prayed "Lord what is there in here for me to see?".  Then I read it again.  There was no epiphany but I did see me in the lesson.  I saw someone looking for hope in difficult times.  I saw someone looking for friendship.  I saw someone dealing with sin and looking for a way out.  So I guess you could say without a doubt, I saw me in the story.

As I thought about Jesus as depicted in this short writing, I wanted to focus in on the single most significant event in His life that I could reach out and hold on to.  It wasn't the storm stories.  It wasn't the miraculous feedings.  It wasn't any of the healing stories.  It is the story of Jairus in Mark 5.  The New Living Translation tells us that Jairus went to Jesus out of desperation:  ... pleading with him to heal his little daughter. "She is about to die," he said in desperation. "Please come and place your hands on her; heal her so she can live."

Somehow (for me at least) everything about living and walking with Jesus is in this story.  This little story runs the gamut of emotions you will face in whatever desperate situation you find yourself.  He's facing the loss of his loved one, Jesus delay's in coming.  The loved one dies and so the emotion of dealing with that knowledge is hammering away at him.  All hope is gone.  He suffers in silence.  Jesus tells him to believe and yet nothing around him provides any hope.  She's dead, the family is wailing and crying in uncontrollable grief.  Then the cynical laughter.  They all laughed at him KNOWING she was dead.  Then the unbelievable Joy of an undeserved gift of grace from God.

I have recently been attending a local 12 step recovery group.  Angel suggested it would be good for me to attend so I can see and hear others stories of struggle and redemption.  I've attended three meetings and I've heard of a wonderful God that is working with people in desperate situations.  People reaching out to God for help and he answers.  I see smiles and struggles.  I see hope and silence.  There have been as many as 35 and as few as 14 that have attended.  I have not spoken, but have listened.  My purpose was to listen and learn, not talk.  So I have listened.  When I reflect on the three meetings I've attended, I can see in the room I'm in the stories written on the pages of this week's lesson.  If Jesus were physically present, He would have been right in the middle of this group and they would have responded to Him with unbridled joy and laughter and He would have enjoyed being there.  He would have looked around the room and those there would have had hope.

Yesterday Julia came home from Krogers and came to tell me of her encounter with "Cheeseburger" and his owner.  She told of seeing him when she came out of Krogers.  She stopped to talk to him and Cheeseburger wagged his tail and came over to her right away.  Julia spoke of how her heart ached for them.  She went inside to purchase some treats to give to Cheeseburger.  When she came out though, he was gone.  She told me with tears in her eyes that she so wanted to find them.  She prayed and asked God to help her find them.  She drove around and did find them.  When she came up with the treats, the man said with a big smile on his face, "Cheeseburger, look what you are getting!"  Of course Cheeseburger was happy and so was Julia.  He asked her to remember them in prayer.  (The owner, not "Cheeseburger")

I saw "Cheeseburger" and his owner in the this weeks lesson.  I saw Julia in this weeks lesson.  I see Andy in this weeks lesson.  I see my need for a heart that is touched by the needs of others.  I saw Jesus in Julia as he reached out to a homeless man and his dog.  I saw Jesus as he wept for them standing in my living room with tears running down his cheeks.

So, what does it have to do with me?  Everything!

Lord:  I pray for "Cheeseburger" and his owner.  Provide for them their needs for today.  Provide for him a warm bed and good hot food for today.  Protect them from evil and send more people like Julia to touch them for you.  Help me to learn of you Lord through those you send in my path.  Forgive me for hardness of heart Lord.  I don't want to be that way!