Whiter Than Snow - Gateway Church

One door closes … one door opens

2010-06-20T16:41:00.002-04:00

Today was our beloved pastor's last day as our official pastor. The service is nothing less than what I expected. Jerry spoke on "Remember These Things". He reminded us that we are Christ's ambassadors and that God has set apart Gateway and we would fulfill our mission. We sang some of Jerry's favorite hymns and songs and then He spoke of the fine man God has chosen to lead us into the future. Then I experienced one of the classiest acts I've ever seen in a church service. Jerry and Beverly and the kids walked around the church while Alex played and they shook hands and hugged everyone. The tears flowed so freely from everyone that I started a "Kleenex" committee (of course we are Methodists) and actually ran through two boxes. Jerry and Beverly hugged everyone and you could see the love everyone has for this Godly man and his most wonderful family. While I can't speak for anyone else, I can say this for me. I will always remember this day and the image of God's love and grace as this small congregation of believers and their beloved pastor said goodbye to each other. The emotion flows as I think of it even now. I stood in front of the church and watched as Beverly walked under the cross with her hands held high in praise to God as she left the building. My good friend and our former lay leader Joseph Slife closed in prayer reading most timely and appropriate scriptures with tears in his eyes. Saying goodbye is so difficult. A door has closed.

Next Sunday Joseph and Becky Dye will be in the pulpit. I am so excited. For just as God called Joshua to follow Moses, I believe God has called Joseph to follow Jerry. Just what the future holds, I don't know. I know as a congregation we prayed earnestly about the minis
try Joseph and Becky bring to our congregation. Saying hello is exciting. A door has opened.

Some thoughts on our class

2010-06-14T07:21:00.001-04:00

A new day is upon us. Gateway is entering a brand new phase of her life. The same is true of our adult Sunday school class. For the last year we’ve been working through Dr. Paul Tripp’s book on Psalm 51, “Whiter Than Snow”. This class has been a joy for me. Of the 50 lesson’s I’ve been through, I probably hated 15 of them. There were 15 or 20 I had no opinion on and 15 I really liked. This is probably not much different than any other book I would have read during that time. However I do have a few thoughts on the class and for Julia and I, a surprise ending!

One of the things I’ve enjoyed about the class is the open exchange of ideas and personal experiences. The class has followed in the tradition established by Peggy Jo and Frieda. A tradition of honesty and openness. Tom’s leadership of this class has been honest and open and with Tom’s own brand of teaching skill’s displayed weekly. I want to thank him for his faithfulness over the last year in leading our class.

There have been moments of great levity in class. Many of those moments seem to be traced back to Leland for some reason. Leland brings to the class the critical eye of a communications professional along with a marvelous sense of humor. I smile as I write this thinking of some of his comments. Thanks Leland for your help in spicing up the class!

Evelyn brings to class the wisdom of years of following Christ. Her insights and prayers were so refreshing. Thanks Evelyn.

Each week I would look forward to Gene and Marion’s contributions. Again, wisdom and experience personified. Their lightness and sharp commentary have given me pause for deep thought on more than one occasion.

As our elder statesman, Roque keeps us on our toes. One of the things I like about Roque is he simply throws it out there and lets us deal with his comments and ideas. He brings perfect blend of wisdom, humor and a life long perspective that have added to the class a wealth of knowledge. Thanks Roque!

One of the more memorable classes was the time Hope and Missy shared about their efforts to save their good friend David from the electric chair. I can close my eyes and see again as I sat there transfixed on Hope as she bared her soul to us with pain and anguish over her mistakes in life and her and Missy’s efforts to fight for David’s life. Then the joy of victory as 2 hours before his execution, he was spared. Thank you Lord Jesus and thank you Hope and Missy!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Beverly’s contributions to the class. Her insights are special to me. Her ability in hearing God in dreams and her writing skills have added to the class innumerable times. I get tickled as I sit here thinking about the times Leland has spoken on a given subject and I watch as Beverly watches him with a sparkle in her eye and a big grin on her face as she waits until he’s done and then laughs out loud or adds to the mix some witty insight or some deep truth. Her voice will be missed in our class as she and Jerry move on to the next phase of their life in Christ! Thanks a million Bev!

Lest I forget any one person, I thank everyone in class for their faithful attendance and the contributions each has made. Cynthia reading her letter to God was special. Claire’s comments and freshness of heart have been greatly appreciated. I guess I just say, thanks to everyone in class!

One last note I wanted to share that truly caught Julia and I off guard yesterday. We are on vacation in Hilton Head and for the last 20 years, we’ve been coming to one particular church on the island, Central Church lead by Pastor Michael Carr. Michael knows who we are even though we only come to his Church once a year in June. Yet we have come to think of Central Church as a place we belong. Michael Carr is a great speaker and teacher and in Julia’s and my life, he is one of the three best speaker and teacher’s we’ve had. We’ve been so blessed to have had Richard Exley, Jerry Varnado and Michael Carr as men we can call Pastor’s and friends. As Julia and I were coming down to the island, just before I was pulled over by a Rockland police officer for speeding, I was contemplating the changes upcoming in our life at church. I was thinking to the Lord that I would love to have Michael Carr pray for Jerry and Bev and for Gateway. I know how the services go, and they don’t have a time in prayer at the front of the church as we do at Gateway, but I was just thinking how good it would be if Michael could pray for us. Now in the last 20 years, I’ve never run into Michael at any time any place other than the church. Saturday night Julia and I were walking on the beach and she stops and say’s “There is Pastor Carr”. Sure enough Michael was there and he took time to hear our request. He shared his insights with us and promised he would pray with us Sunday morning. He did exactly as he promised and as he prayed for us, there was a tremendous sense of God’s presence and power.

But the most interesting part of the service was Michael’s sermon. He is doing a series on Living on the Edge and he spoke on the Marriage of Michal and David in 1st Samuel 18. He gave us a perspective on David I had not heard before. He spoke of the problems David encountered with Bathsheeba were a direct result of the breakdown in communications in his marriage with Michal. Julia and I were both impressed with the sermon, and with the passion it was delivered and the truth it held. I will make sure the link to this sermon is available to everyone as soon as it is posted. It will give you a perspective on Psalm 51 that I had not seen until yesterday. In my opinion, this is the perfect ending to a wonderful Bible study!

And now, in the words of the great American Hero, Buzz Lightyear, “To infinity and beyond!!!!”

A change in focus

2010-06-05T21:15:00.001-04:00

Joshua 1:1-7 Net Bible

After Moses the Lord’s servant died, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ assistant: “Moses my servant is dead. Get ready! Cross the Jordan River! Lead these people into the land which I am ready to hand over to them. I am handing over to you every place you set foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the wilderness in the south to Lebanon in the north. It will extend all the way to the great River Euphrates in the east (including all of Syria) and all the way to the Mediterranean Sea in the west.

Gateway is undergoing a change in leadership. We have been lead by a dynamic man of God for 25 years. Now we have a new leader, Pastor Joseph and Becky Dye. Friday night June 4th the PPR committee met with them at Alton and Frieda's home. The Holy Spirit showed up big time! Joseph and Becky shared their hopes and dreams and members of the committee shared with them their thoughts. It is truly and answer to prayer about how they were chosen for the job and I will let Joseph share that publicly. It’s just a marvelous “God thing”.

We prayed for the church. We prayed for Jerry and Beverly as they also enter uncharted waters. It’s exciting and yet its sad. We’ve never done this before. Yet we enter with confidence in the future knowing that God is in control of the life of our congregation, Joseph and Becky and their family as well as Jerry and Beverly and their family.

I must admit to a severe case of cognitive dissonance. I walked today, listening to music and talking to God about everything going on at Gateway. I am thrilled beyond words at what I sense is in the future for us. I am scared because my good friend and pastor will be doing something else. I’m excited about Joseph and Becky. They are such a great fit for us at Gateway. (He even seems to get along ok with Tom). I am scared because Jerry doesn’t have a job. Is it possible to have elation and despair at the same time? Yes it is! As I was walking I sensed the Lord walking with me and starting to show me some things.

Alton mentioned to me as we were leaving Friday that this seemed like God handing the ball off to Joshua. As I thought about that I believe the Lord confirmed that. God is very proud of Jerry and the work he’s done at Gateway. I believe Jerry is the only man that could have lead this church through the rough and stormy waters we’ve been through. It’s not about size and numbers. Quite the opposite, it is about loyalty and obedience. Jerry has been loyal and obedient. But now as a church we must change focus. We must move out of the survival mode into the taking the land promised to us mode. Joseph is the man God has chosen to take this church into the promised land. It’s as if God is saying to Joseph:

“Jerry my servant is gone, now therefore you go and lead this church to take the land I promised to them. Be strong and courageous, and do not be afraid. I repeat, be strong and brave! Don’t be afraid and don’t panic, for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.”

I write this with the conviction that we need to do what Joshua told the people, “Prepare your supplies, for within three days you will cross the Jordan River and begin the conquest of the land the Lord your God is ready to hand over to you.” That means Athens and the surrounding communities.

Get ready Gateway! There are going to be times when we will be tempted to be afraid and will need courage. We will need to hang on to God and each other, but we are ready to conquer the land.

Lord: Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for sending us Joseph and Becky and their family. Thank you for taking care of Jerry and Beverly and Aaron and Bethany. Give us all strength and courage to get through the next three weeks. Give Joseph and Becky the wisdom to say what you want them to say as they prepare to come to Gateway. Give Jerry and Beverly courage and faith to know you will take care of all their needs according to your riches in glory in Christ Jesus!

Our new pastor Joseph Dye …

2010-05-20T06:51:00.001-04:00

Yesterday Julia and I had the pleasure of having lunch with our new Pastor, Joseph Dye. He is going to be meeting with the PPR committee on June 4th and I will be unable to attend, so we decided a lunch ahead of time would be appropriate.
What a joyful time we had. He spoke of his desires and the issues he’s had to deal with in his pastoral experience. Julia and I sat and listened with great attention. Our security TEAM Cookie and Oreo were on him like a duck on a June bug to make sure he didn’t carry any weapons or (which is far more likely) to see if he had a treat for them. They liked him immediately. We shared ideas and hopes and dreams for what Gateway has in store for us.
Julia and I spent a bit of time sharing with him some of our time at Gateway and some of our experiences. We didn’t spend much time at all on the past, but the future. Joseph has a heart of the things of Jesus. He wants to reach those who so desperately need to hear of Jesus. I told him the good folks of Gateway want the same things.
I told him I am the Lay Leader, but that I was resigning my position and recommending Missy as the new Lay Leader for Gateway. Gateway needs new leadership and I am part of the old leadership. He needs someone who has fresh ideas and lots of energy. I told him Missy is the right person for the job. She will be a great asset to him. I explained that I am not leaving Gateway, only stepping aside to support new leadership. Missy will do well in this role.
Julia and I are excited about the future. We prayed as a church and asked God to send us the right man for the job. The man God wanted here. The man God was going to use to lead Gateway into the future and to be all we can be as a church. God sent us Pastor Joseph Dye. I am so thankful He did.
Lord Jesus: We are on a new path Lord. It’s exciting, it’s a bit un-nerving because it is new. Help us to walk in faith. Help us to support each other as we plow new ground together. Help us support pastor Joseph and Becky as they too are taking steps of great faith. They don’t have insurance and they don’t have pension benefits yet. Please take care of them and help us to grow so we can support him and his family full time as soon as possible. Help us to reach the Athens community with your love and good news. Help us to be the expression of your body in Athens that you want us to be. Thank you for our new pastor and his wonderful family.

The sermon on the mount – week 43

2010-04-16T08:58:00.001-04:00

The last couple of weeks have been very busy. Issues at work are becoming more and more intense. I can’t seem to place them in the proper perspective. Gateway is undergoing monumental changes. Our family has had two surgeries and (to put it bluntly) I’m a bit frazzled. Blogging has not been on my radar screen. This week, I’m back however.

I couldn’t disagree with Dr. Tripp any more than I do this week.

”You and I will only ever be holy by God’s definition if we put the moral fences where God puts them.”

“… A lustful heart craves the actual experience and will only be satisfied when it experiences the thing for which it lusts.”

Let’s deal with the fence issue. As soon as you attempt to put a fence around your heart for any reason two things happen (at least they did to me). The first thing is my heart starts to sing “don’t fence me in ….” Then I notice the fence isn’t secure enough and so I start to add to it and before you know it, my fence is a wall. Wall’s get me in trouble. I don’t’ want walls anymore. I’m doing everything I can at this point in my life to remove my walls, not start them under a different name. If I have a problem with a particular behavior, setting limits on the behavior doesn’t work for me and I’ve been to enough 12 step meetings to know it doesn’t work for anyone else either. At least it doesn’t work as the hedge everyone hopes it will. Clearly boundaries need to be set in our lives; I’m not saying they shouldn’t be. What I am saying is setting a boundary won’t stop the problem.

The second thing there is nothing in my experience or anything I’ve ever read that gives me the slightest confidence of ever being satisfied with anything lustful. I speak from a vast array of experiences on this subject. I’m what they call a “SME” (subject matter expert). It simply doesn’t work that way. Before we go farther on this subject, I would like to deal with the definition of the word lust as I was taught it. Lust is pressure on the five physical senses. While it certainly could be sexual in nature (what most people think of) it can apply to other areas as well. That is the working definition I use.

One final thought on this week. I don’t think there is any evidence that fencing your heart works as Dr. Tripp seems to be describing it. You have to win the battle of the mind. That is where the action is, in your mind. Romans 8:5-6 places great emphasis on this.

For those who are according to the flesh {and} are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on {and} pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit {and} are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on {and} seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit. Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].

This is Waterloo, Stalingrad, Gettysburg and D-Day all wrapped up in one. All the chips lay on this. If you can win the battle of the mind, you can win the day to day battles. I call this process “Blue Water Theology”. If you have a glass of blue water and you want it to become clear, you have to pour in enough clear water so that over time, the blue water fades and becomes less and less dominating. That’s the only way you can over come it. Of course, if you keep filling the glass with blue water, then it becomes bluer and never really has a chance to clear up.

Lord: Please help me to focus my mind and thoughts on your thoughts. Help me to become aware of evil as I contemplate it and to reject as soon as I recognize it.

Whiter than Snow – Grace and a clean heart

2010-03-26T07:16:00.001-04:00

This week’s reading hits on the primary question I’ve been dealing with over the last nine years, my heart. I’ve had a heart problem for far longer than that, but only in the last nine years have I been aware of it. Psalm 139 speaks to the issue:

Psalm 139:23-24 (The Message) Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.

This is an open ended invitation from David to God to tell him what God already knows, the condition of David’s heart. I did as David did and this same prayer came out of my lips as an open invitation to God to show me where my heart was off center. At the time, I had no clue there was a problem. There was though and the last nine years of my life have been a difficult journey to learn what God already knew. This has been a good journey although it has not always been smooth!

Fast-forward to today. After nine years on “heart highway”, what does the view look like? Well it isn’t a full field of wheat. Yet it's not a moonscape either. I’m thinking it doesn’t look like a field at all. Perhaps that’s one of the error’s I’ve made along the way is to look at my heart like a field. I’m from Indiana and when you say field, I get a specific picture in my mind. The problem with my picture is my heart isn’t like that. The cornfields I am thinking of were consistent throughout. There was always seasonal growth, but the entire field was in the same stage of growth. The corn may not be fully mature, but every stalk in the field was in the same stage of growth. Not so with my heart. My heart is a field of pockets of growth. Some pockets are fully mature and others are a mass of weeds. Other pockets are in some recognizable stage of growth while some are unrecognizable. Such is the view of my heart today.

The primary question that arises for me is simple. What happens to your heart when you become a Christian?

Second Corinthians 5:17 (ESV) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

What is Paul talking about? My heart isn’t new, its not the same as it was, but it’s not new either and neither has the old passed away as we can all testify to. It stubbornly hangs around and makes life miserable at times. At times I win, at times I lose and at times I take a “Walk” and get a free pass. I understand the new creation. I have experienced that. What about my heart? Why is the garbage still there? Has there been something I should have done but didn’t do? What is the deal here?

I don’t know the answer to the question or I would tell you. I have experienced growth in my life and changes. Yet when I see what’s left I cringe.

As the old hymn states: My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus and HIS righteousness! I don’t know the answer to the question and may never know. That’s ok … (I think).

Lord: When I see what’s left to be done, don’t let me fall into despair but to trust in you and your Word trusting only in your righteousness.

Heart of Stone

2010-03-15T06:10:00.001-04:00

The subject of a hard heart is one I know about. The heart of stone is something I’ve struggled with all of my adult life. How does one go about breaking down a heart of stone?

In 1998 Benji Clark Mallory spoke at our church and gave everyone in the congregation a specific word from the Lord. It was a one in a lifetime experience for me. Here was a women I knew nothing about. She stood in front of me, looked me in the eye and began to “read my mail”. She spoke as if she had known me all my life. One of the things she spoke of was a hard heart. “God has given you a caring heart. You are compassionate and loving.” While Benji spoke of other things, this one thing has been a focal point for me over the years.

How does a heart of stone manifest itself in a person? In my case it was several areas. One area was for those who were less fortunate than I was. I would give money to causes but I had a rather superior attitude towards those who were unable to do the things I could do. This was especially true with homeless people. I had no use for people who would hold signs that say “will work for food.” They wouldn’t work for food, I tried to get them jobs but they wouldn’t take them. So I blew them off whenever they approached me.

A hard heart is an attitude that permeates everything you do. There is no compassion at work. If you were assigned a task and failed, you failed. There is no gray area. You either did or you didn’t. There were no excuses. Sports was the same way. You either won or you didn’t. There is no gray area. I took this attitude into my personal relationships. I had no tolerance for people and their foibles. I was not a nice person. I have no clue how or why my wife has stayed with me for as long as she has. As I look back, I was an intolerant person that was a bear to be around most of the time.

People that struggled with addictions was another place I was very critical. Personal relationships was another sore point for me. I was always ready to blow people off at a drop of the hat. “Well get over it” I would say when people had a problem they couldn’t deal with.

One area that was particularly difficult for me was children. I had no use for them. I didn’t like them, want them or want to be around them. I had no use for children. The where and why’s of this particular issue are being dealt with even as we speak (thank God for Angel Davis). Let’s just say my hard heart had no place for children.

I don’t know when I noticed a personal change. Benji announced it to the world before I knew anything about it. I guess it was like God calling things that are not as though they are. I think it began with a young girl I met at church. She took a liking to me. I suppose she was 10 or somewhere in that age range. She actually seemed to like me. At any rate, I guess you could say I was “smitten” by this little girl. I spent time at church with her and even began going to church functions with her. Then one day, poof she was gone and that was the end of the relationship. I didn’t let on like it was a big deal, but it was. I began to feel things I certainly never felt before. Old habits die hard though and I quickly shut the door of my heart again.

Then the Lord brought my sister into my life. More chunks of the hard heart began to fall off. I think the real turning point for me though was the day in Sunday school I met Michelle and Red Headed Becky!!!! Michelle didn’t stay around as long as Becky did but the impact she had on my life was unbelievable. Michelle came from a more “liberal” persuasion than I did. She made some comments in class that intrigued me. I asked her about it after class and she told me to read a book “Blue Like Jazz”. I did and it changed my life. I began to question many of my long held, hard right political beliefs. I began to see things differently. I saw that God didn’t necessarily run ideas by the GOP or Rush Limbaugh before he implemented them.

President Obama's election was another major turning point for me. I was sitting at the counter in the lobby of the Hilton Garden Inn in Gulfport watching the TV. CNN was on and there was a lady there who was shall we say “toasting” the democratic victory. I engaged her in conversation when I mentioned to her I was a conservative. Her whole attitude changed and in a flash I saw that I needed to quit with the political identification. I am conservative and I vote conservative but I no longer wear the political mantle of conservative GOP. I found out it is too divisive

I take Benji at her word. I do have a caring and compassionate heart. It’s just taken time to manifest itself.

Lord: If there is any of your tribe that needs a heart of compassion, it’s me. Help me to be like Jesus. When there are times I don’t see things properly, provide me another Michelle that can put me on the right track!

Wisdom in the secret heart

2010-02-26T05:26:00.001-05:00

Psalm 51:6 NASB: Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

If you take a look at the Hebrew definitions from Strong’s you get the following definitions: firmness, faithfulness, truth; sureness, reliability; stability, continuance; faithfulness, reliableness; truth; as spoken; of testimony and judgment; of divine instruction; truth as a body of ethical or religious knowledge; true doctrine.

Had I read this and thought about this particular verse a few years ago I would have thought that God was looking at my heart and hoping He would find truth there.

Today, I don’t think that. I believe God is coming to me and telling me He wants to put truth in my inner heart. He desires that my heart have truth inserted into it, because my heart is full of anything but truth.

We know from this psalm and other scriptures that the human heart is capable of anything. I read the other day of a young woman in New York who adopted a foreign child. She was a good woman and so badly wanted to be a mother. The adoption was difficult and one day she snapped and beat the two year old badly. The next day, she died. The mother who’s hopes and dreams were so high is now serving 25 years in prison for this crime. After things had settled down, and people were able to talk about it, no one had any idea how such a nice person with such high hopes and potential could do such a horrible thing.

The Bible knows. The Scriptures go to great lengths to explain to us this very situation and the cure. The cure is to pour the water of God’s word into your heart. People don’t take this seriously. I have dabbled at it for years but only in the last year have I begun to understand the impact of God’s Word. There is nothing else I can do that will have the impact on my life that pouring God’s Word into my heart will have.

Jesus ministered to two women in the Gospel of John. In John 4 there is the woman at the well. In John 8 is the story of the woman caught in adultery. Both women were caught in virtually the same problem. Jesus spoke extensively with the woman at the well. He told her about rivers of living water in the human heart. The other woman was not condemned but simply told “go and sin no more”. We are told the woman at the well went and came back. The other woman simply left. I wonder if “go and sin no more” was enough for her? I think the first woman caught on to the program by asking “where can I get this water”. I don’t know that the second woman received the same type of revelation. I hope so, but I don’t know that she did.

The key to all three situations is pouring the water into your heart. David and both women in John needed to have truth in their hearts. The only way to get it is through the word. There is no other way.

Lord: Help me to not look at the desperate situation of my heart, but let me be like the woman at the well whose sin was great yet so desired for the water that would be rivers of living water in her soul. I want to spend time in your word and receive secret instruction in my heart Lord.

A broken heart

2010-02-18T06:09:00.001-05:00

I am afraid of a broken heart. A broken heart as I see it defined in verse 17 is scary to me. Here is a sample of the Hebrew meaning as given by Strong's concordance:

to break, break in pieces; break, break in or down, rend violently, wreck, crush, quench; to break, rupture'; to be broken, be maimed, be crippled, be wrecked; to be broken, be crushed; to shatter, break; to cause to break out, bring to the birth; to be broken, be shattered .

Contrite on the other hand means:

caused by or showing sincere remorse; filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement; penitent: a contrite sinner.

I can relate to contrite. I can't relate to broken heart. Yet it appears from the psalm that God requires both. It's not an either or proposition. You must be contrite and have a broken heart.

I've thought about that for quite a while. I've thought about times my heart was broken and crushed. I've thought about the pain that experience brought to my life. There was nothing about any of it that was good. Yet we have God's word in Romans 8 that He will bring something good out of it. I have His word in verse 17 that he requires it of me.

So here I sit. I don't know what to do. My heart has been sufficiently insulated from the breath of life for so long, it's difficult to imagine anything else. Yet in the last year, I've begun the process of opening my heart to experience the full range of emotions God has gifted us with. There are times I think I'm making progress. There are other times I am regressing. There are times I'm doing nothing. The overall direction is good and I'm not seeing the same scenery all the time, so I know I'm not going in circles! But this broken heart thing ... I don't know about that.

Lord: I don't know what to do with this broken heart thing. I don't know how to communicate what I feel at the deepest level about the things that are important. Please help me!

What does it have to do with me?

2010-02-03T05:45:00.001-05:00

As I read this weeks lesson, I must confess, I didn't like it. At least I didn't like it the first couple of times I read it. Then I prayed "Lord what is there in here for me to see?". Then I read it again. There was no epiphany but I did see me in the lesson. I saw someone looking for hope in difficult times. I saw someone looking for friendship. I saw someone dealing with sin and looking for a way out. So I guess you could say without a doubt, I saw me in the story.

As I thought about Jesus as depicted in this short writing, I wanted to focus in on the single most significant event in His life that I could reach out and hold on to. It wasn't the storm stories. It wasn't the miraculous feedings. It wasn't any of the healing stories. It is the story of Jairus in Mark 5. The New Living Translation tells us that Jairus went to Jesus out of desperation: ... pleading with him to heal his little daughter. "She is about to die," he said in desperation. "Please come and place your hands on her; heal her so she can live."

Somehow (for me at least) everything about living and walking with Jesus is in this story. This little story runs the gamut of emotions you will face in whatever desperate situation you find yourself. He's facing the loss of his loved one, Jesus delay's in coming. The loved one dies and so the emotion of dealing with that knowledge is hammering away at him. All hope is gone. He suffers in silence. Jesus tells him to believe and yet nothing around him provides any hope. She's dead, the family is wailing and crying in uncontrollable grief. Then the cynical laughter. They all laughed at him KNOWING she was dead. Then the unbelievable Joy of an undeserved gift of grace from God.

I have recently been attending a local 12 step recovery group. Angel suggested it would be good for me to attend so I can see and hear others stories of struggle and redemption. I've attended three meetings and I've heard of a wonderful God that is working with people in desperate situations. People reaching out to God for help and he answers. I see smiles and struggles. I see hope and silence. There have been as many as 35 and as few as 14 that have attended. I have not spoken, but have listened. My purpose was to listen and learn, not talk. So I have listened. When I reflect on the three meetings I've attended, I can see in the room I'm in the stories written on the pages of this week's lesson. If Jesus were physically present, He would have been right in the middle of this group and they would have responded to Him with unbridled joy and laughter and He would have enjoyed being there. He would have looked around the room and those there would have had hope.

Yesterday Julia came home from Krogers and came to tell me of her encounter with "Cheeseburger" and his owner. She told of seeing him when she came out of Krogers. She stopped to talk to him and Cheeseburger wagged his tail and came over to her right away. Julia spoke of how her heart ached for them. She went inside to purchase some treats to give to Cheeseburger. When she came out though, he was gone. She told me with tears in her eyes that she so wanted to find them. She prayed and asked God to help her find them. She drove around and did find them. When she came up with the treats, the man said with a big smile on his face, "Cheeseburger, look what you are getting!" Of course Cheeseburger was happy and so was Julia. He asked her to remember them in prayer. (The owner, not "Cheeseburger")

I saw "Cheeseburger" and his owner in the this weeks lesson. I saw Julia in this weeks lesson. I see Andy in this weeks lesson. I see my need for a heart that is touched by the needs of others. I saw Jesus in Julia as he reached out to a homeless man and his dog. I saw Jesus as he wept for them standing in my living room with tears running down his cheeks.

So, what does it have to do with me? Everything!

Lord: I pray for "Cheeseburger" and his owner. Provide for them their needs for today. Provide for him a warm bed and good hot food for today. Protect them from evil and send more people like Julia to touch them for you. Help me to learn of you Lord through those you send in my path. Forgive me for hardness of heart Lord. I don't want to be that way!

Enough already ….

2010-01-28T07:23:00.001-05:00

The dictionary definition of enough is: "as much or as many as necessary, desirable, or tolerable; sufficient".

This week the author talks about enough. What is enough? In my book, there are two uses for the word:

The first usage is: I've had enough. Don't want no more, nada, nyet, nine .... nuff is nuff. When used in this manner, I think of politics. I've had enough.
The second usage is: I can't get enough. I want more. I don't need more, but I want more. When used in this manner, I think of Cynthia's pork roast at the church dinners.

When I apply this to David I can see both usages very clearly. I don't know what David thought of but I'm going to jump into his shoes for a moment and place myself in his situation and tell you what I see.

I've had enough guilt. I can't take any more.

I've had enough lying and deceit. I've killed a man to cover up my crime. Not good Andy. I've had enough.

I've had enough sex. A man can only do so much. Why is this such an issue? I can have as many women as I want when I want them. It isn't working though. Why? Enough already.

I've had enough of feeling like dirt. I hate feeling like dirt, but I do.

As I think about his situation these are the thoughts I believe I would struggle with. However, David does something I haven't done and quite frankly have trouble doing. David goes to God WITH CONFIDENCE. I go to God, but not with the confidence David does. Listen to what He says in Psalm 27:5-8:

He will surely give me shelter in the day of danger; he will hide me in his home; he will place me on an inaccessible rocky summit. Now I will triumph over my enemies who surround me! I will offer sacrifices in his dwelling place and shout for joy! I will sing praises to the Lord! Hear me, O Lord, when I cry out! Have mercy on me and answer me! My heart tells me to pray to you, and I do pray to you, O Lord.

I tend to give up where David pressed on. Hebrews 10:39 in the Message: But we're not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We'll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way. God said David was a man after his own heart. Perhaps that was because David didn't quit, not because he got it right all the time.

Lord: I'm right up there with David. "I am the Man". Help me to turn to you for help in a time of trouble. Help me to trust in what you've done not what I have or haven't done. I've had enough running and being scared of you. I haven't had enough of your grace, love and mercy. Help me to press on when I don't want to. Help me Lord to walk with you when it looks like I can't go on.

Building Walls ….

2010-01-20T05:23:00.001-05:00

I am in the middle of a difficult business trip. I am working and training with a new colleague that will be taking over the western region. I haven't had as much time as I wanted to read and think through the weeks lesson. But the lesson this week is on walls. Actually the subject is building walls.

Walls can do several things for you.

It can keep people out, providing protection from your enemies.
It can keep you in, trapping you in a prison.
It can integrate into your life as a part of the living structure you occupy providing support, protection and beauty if it is built properly.

When I think of Psalm 51 and the story of David and Bathsheba, I don't usually think of walls. I think of open spaces, places where there were no walls. Bathsheba wasn't behind a wall or David wouldn't have seen her. David wasn't behind a wall or he wouldn't have known she was bathing. Yet it's clear a wall developed that blocked David from seeing the impact of what he was doing on his relationship to God and others.

I started thinking about the walls I've built in my life. With the wisdom my years provide me, I picture myself sitting in a courtyard looking around and seeing the edifices of my life and taking stock of the situation. Some of the walls were built as a young man when it was necessary to try to protect myself from those trying to hurt me, or at least those I perceived as trying to hurt me. These walls are ugly, not well constructed and they don't need to be there. They need to come down, at least what is left of them. They're not as tall as they used to be and they really don't serve any useful function because they couldn't keep a rabbit out of the courtyard of my life. But still, the remnants of those walls are there, scaring the landscape of my life.

Then as I take a further look, I see walls I've intentionally built over the years that were part of the same mindset I had as a youth. These were walls I built to keep people away from seeing the courtyard of my life. When I look at these walls, the first thing I notice is there is no symmetry to them. They are not well thought out, being built with no thought of the total structure of my home. They're just random walls. How ugly! These puppies must go!!!!!

So as I sit in my courtyard looking around, I notice the sun is high in the sky, well past noon. If I don't get these walls taken care of, it will be dark soon and I won't have a chance to rebuild a useful and beautiful structure. I smile as I think of the work ahead. I want to build a beautiful structure so when I'm gone, and people look at it, they will enjoy what they saw. But it's obvious from the efforts I've put forth to build what I have, that I don't know squat about building walls! I'm going to need help.

As I think about this further, I remember that someone told me about a carpenter that is really good at building beautiful structures. Now what was His name?????

What do you fear?

2010-01-12T20:18:00.001-05:00

This is a good question. No, it is a GREAT question. What do you fear the most. I think Dr. Tripp tripped up at the start of this weeks lesson. In response to David's request to "take not thy Holy Spirit from me" Dr. Tripp makes this comment:

This should be our greatest fear in all of life, but is it?

Jesus tells me in the gospel of John: 14:16- And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--. Clearly I'm not going to lose the Holy Spirit, so what ever issues I am concerned about, that isn't one of them.

But it's an honest question. What am I afraid of? Is there some deep dark secret in my life I'm afraid of exposure? Is there something that could happen that hasn't happened I worry about? Is there something personal I worry about, something that would affect only me? Is there some national or global disaster I am worried about that keeps me awake at night? Or is it something that may happen to someone I love?

Well all of these are certainly possibilities. Bad things happened to me years ago and the memories nip at my heels like a rabid dog. The pressures on me professionally seem to grow exponentially and my superiors put more and more on daily with no relief in sight. Terrorism, financial meltdown, poor political leadership are national concerns of every American, not just me. Global disaster seems imminent if you listen to the pundits.

Well lets look at some strategies to deal with these specific fears.

Fears of the past

In 2009 I started to see a good Christian counselor on a regular basis. She has been instrumental in helping me deal with the little dog nipping at my heels. She pointed out that Philippians 3:13-14 is instrumental to dealing with fears of the past: " ... forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead ...". I've known this scripture for my entire Christian life. I just didn't apply the way Angel told me to. I've always looked at it as a call to simply ignore (forget) the past. I was using this scripture to avoid the problem, by hoping it would go away. I would beat myself over the head because I did some particular thing. Angel said to not do that. You forget it because God has forgiven all of your sins. You are free to forget the past, because you don't have to beat yourself over the head any more. Each day is a new start, a fresh beginning. It doesn't matter what you or anyone else did to you or what you did yesterday, you have a fresh start available to you today because of what Jesus did for you.

Professional Pressure

Pharaoh told his work supervisors to make the Israelites get their own straw and yet keep their daily quota's the same. This type of work policy didn't work then, and it doesn't work now. Yet many of us have to work under bosses who think like Pharaoh. For me, this situation leads to sleepless nights, early mornings and a short temper with Julia. How do I operate in a professional work environment, honor God and not worry about how I do my job?

Psalm 127:2 states: It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.

If you believe God is a God who is interested in every one of your issues, then beating this type of situation will require faith. That will mean taking steps where you don't have physical proof what you are doing will benefit you. For example, I may have a budget deadline given to me on Friday that will take more than a day to complete. It is due Monday morning. What do you do? Do you work all day Saturday to get it done? Do you skip Church on Sunday to do it? Do you do what you can on Friday and then enjoy the weekend, and let Monday happen? Well there are certainly times when you may need to work on the weekends. In my case, though it has been a habit that has robbed me of my peace and made me a slave to my job. I've missed important meetings at Church because of this. I've left Julia sitting in another room by herself or avoided doing things with her because of some demand at work. I'm no longer going to do that. I'm going to trust God to fill in the blanks where I can't and if there is some project that doesn't get done because I don't have enough straw, well then, it won't get done. I'm going to start walking with God at work and rely on Him. I have the mind of Christ, the Holy Spirit and 40 years of professional expertise at my disposal. If I can't get it done with this type of help, then it doesn't need to be done!

National and Global disasters.

God wants us to be good stewards of the earth. That was the original job description given to Adam. However, if you listen to TV or read the news paper or surf the net, you will hear we are facing the most calamitous time in the earth's history and they claim it's mostly my fault! Listen to talk radio and you will discover there is a vast conspiracy to do evil in the government. Listen to the evening news and you will discover there is nothing good happening anywhere and "experts fear the worst in (name the industry) over the coming year".

I have a simple answer to this one. One I started putting into practice the first Wednesday in November 2008. I quit reading the paper, I turned off the news and talk radio and I pray for the president. My prayers for the president go something like this:

Lord: I don't agree with any of the policies of Mr.. Obama. I do however like the guy and I ask you to guide him in making decisions you want him to make. Provide him counselors that are wise and godly and give him a good sense of humor.

Beyond that, I can't do anything else that would be more effective.

Oh one thing I do now that really helps me calm down and not be so anxious is I listen to lots of classical music! I find Bach, Mozart and Vivaldi do more for my peace of mind than worrying about something I have no control over.

Lord: Dealing with fear is something I don't do well. Help me to trust you when I know I should, but I am afraid to. Please forgive me for not trusting you as you've asked me to.

The day to day grind …

2010-01-08T06:54:00.001-05:00

This week's lesson is unusual for me. I don't disagree with Dr. Tripp! In fact I really like his approach. We do live right in the middle of God's redemptive story. Every day we walk a fine line between our faith and the reality of the world we live in. I picture myself walking on a high wire with a pole being used for balance. On my left is my faith. On the right is the day to day responsibility I have. My job is to get to the end of the wire using this pole to help me "walk the wire". At times I have to stop and catch my breath and I have to use the pole to help me stay steady, but always, heading forwards.

One thing this approach helps me to do is to focus on what is important. In Philippians Paul speaks of forgetting what's behind and moving forward. You have to do that while walking the wire, or you will fall. You have to concentrate on what's ahead. You have to concentrate on the exact next step.

Hebrews gives us the Biblical definition of faith: NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see {and} the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].

I love this verse. It is packed with information that is vital to the processing of today. Walking the wire and maintaining your balance requires faith. As I take stock of my daily walk, I can use this scripture to help me keep going, especially when I can't see very far ahead!

Dr. Tripp points out that the Holy Spirit David prays for has already been given to us. I think we need to look at this in more depth. What is the Holy Spirit's mission?

John 14:16-17 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever-- The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know {and} recognize Him. But you know {and} recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.

John 14:26 But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.

John 16:7 However, I am telling you nothing but the truth when I say it is profitable (good, expedient, advantageous) for you that I go away. Because if I do not go away, the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you [into close fellowship with you]; but if I go away, I will send Him to you [to be in close fellowship with you].

I'm not sure we can quite get our arms around this. God's Spirit lives INSIDE of me and He's here to help me. That boggles my mind. I wonder if I truly believe this. At times I certainly don't act like it. Other times, I sense God's presence and wonder how I could ever doubt it. I must admit, while it's much easier to operate when I can sense God's presence so well, it is much more important for me to understand God is still there with me when I'm in over my head in whatever the crisis of the moment is. At those times, I remember Elijah standing at the mouth of the cave in 1st Kings 19. The lesson there is to look for the small voice in the middle of it all.

At the end of WWII, there were Japanese soldiers that held out long after the war was over. That is the situation we are facing with Satan and his henchmen. The war is over, but the mop up operations aren't completed yet. The rogue is still on the loose and for a time, causes us great difficulty. We must remember that we have God's spirit living inside us to comfort, guide and counsel us.

Lord: Thanks for your day to day guidance, comfort and leadership. As we walk through each day, help us to grow in faith and when we can't sense your closeness, let us rely on your word and our faith.

Longing for Jesus

2009-12-30T06:19:00.001-05:00

I think Dr. Tripp has focused on a core issue this week. David’s heart cry in Psalm 51 is well documented. His sin is “ever before him”. He is looking for mercy and grace in a time of real need. The issue we discuss this week is two fold.

Issue # 1 is forgiveness.

Issue # 2 is deliverance.

I understand these issues very well. It seems I’ve spent my life asking God for forgiveness. It really doesn’t matter what the issue is or was, I ask God for forgiveness for the same thing over and over again. In many ways I act before God as if I am offering bulls and goats regularly. I find myself too often in Romans 7 when I should be in Romans 8. At times, my life seems eerily like the book of Judges. Forgiveness has been a step I’ve taken to relieve myself of guilt rather than a first step in correcting the problem. Getting rid of the guilt (real or false) was the goal, not deliverance.

Today, I confess that I can see this clearly. My actions before God for many years have been more like the actions of an old testament character rather than a new testament son. I have asked for forgiveness with an old testament mindset, a “law follower”. Paul speaks to this exact issue in Romans.

Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks beto God through Jesus Christ our Lord! There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the life-giving Spiritin Christ Jesus has set youfree from the law of sin and death. For God achieved what the law could not do becauseit was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

If I don’t deal with both issues, forgiveness AND deliverance, then I will be defeated. I don’t want to live that way. I want to be “more than a conqueror” as Paul states further down the road in Romans 8.

In order to experience deliverance, I will have to do more than simply ask forgiveness. I need to take positive steps and move towards freedom. This is most likely going to involve things I’ve never done before. One author put it this way: “If you want to go places you’ve never been before, you will most likely have to do things you’ve never done before.”

I’ve been home with no one from work to bother me for the last several days. I have been watching documentaries on some of my favorite historical figures, FDR, Harry Truman and Lewis and Clark. The illustration I want to close with concerns Lewis and Clark. There was a point the in the journey where Meriwether Lewis was standing in Montana at the end of the known map. The very next step he took would be in uncharted waters. The rest of the journey was unknown. Yet he undertook it with great courage and skill. It was a long time before he reached his goal, but he did reach his goal!

I’m there with Meriwether Lewis. I’m at the edge of my known map. I’m moving into unknown waters. I’m looking for the Northwest Passage of my heart.

Lord: As we move into 2010, let us move there with complete confidence that even though we may not see the road ahead, you do. And you’ve told us we can move forward with the assurance you are with us and will not leave us.

This week is different …

2009-12-22T12:31:00.001-05:00

I want to be completely honest with everyone. When I read this weeks lesson, I didn’t get any point the first time. The second time I went through it though, I got a different perspective. I don’t want to talk about the “unholy trinity” the author talks about.

I want to talk about what God has done for me this year in spite of myself! During one of our classes, Leland commented that he hoped the author experienced some joy in his life. I’m sure he does, but reading his book week in and week out is a bit of a challenge.

While I certainly have gotten some great insight from the class, I also want to point out the good things God has done for me in 2009. I’ve been challenged to repent and step outside of the emotional pits I constantly seem to be fighting and to trust God. Did you hear that? Trust God.

That is what I am going to do. I am going to take out of 2009 the fact that God is for me and who or what can be against me. The Lord spoke to me through Julia today and it was words of great encouragement. She spoke of God’s faithfulness and with tears in her eyes shared some of her concerns to me. But with a flash of her smile, she commented that God was good and will see us through any mess we find ourselves in.

Yes David blew it with Bathsheba. He blew it big time. Is there anyone out there in blog-land that DOESN’T understand that? I doubt it. But God showed himself strong to David. Just as he did to Moses, Elijah, Peter, Paul and anyone else who would come to Him in faith.

Yes I’ve blown it. Yes I’ve made horrible mistakes. Yes I know it. But how trite for me to limit God by not trusting him to be bigger than my sin, my bad attitudes, and any other issue of moment I might be dealing with. Oh God forgive me!!!!! And the good news is????

HE DOES FORGIVE! It’s like the song I heard Don Fransico sing many years ago. “HE’S ALIVE AND I’M FORGIVEN!!!!!!!!!!!” YES!!!!! To quote some of my favorite sports announcers: HE’S AT THE 10, THE 5 TOUCHDOWN!!!! HE SHOOTS HE SCOOOOORES!!!!! THERE’S A LONG DRIVE TO LEFT FIELD … THAT BABY’S GONE!!!!!!!

DO YOU GET THE MESSAGE!!!!! I’M FREE, MY SINS ARE FORGIVEN AND GOD IS NOT MAD AT ME OR ANYONE ELSE!!!!!

Merry Christmas to everyone and I am looking forward to trusting God in 2010!!!!!

In the Basement of my home there is darkness

2009-12-15T06:05:00.001-05:00

Many years ago I started experiencing visions and dreams on a regular basis. Of course everyone has dreams, but these dreams and visions seemed to be beyond the usual dream. I shared one of them with Julia over the breakfast table one morning (Suffice it to say, I no longer rely on Julia to interpret my dreams). I then began to talk to Beverly and she put me in touch with a book that helped me to understand how God uses dreams. I was beginning an adventure that has been exciting at times, strange at times and frightening at other times.

It was during that time the Lord began to deal with me about things that were buried in my basement so to speak. All of our homes have a basement. The author speaks of this as the Holy of Holies. I don’t. I call it the basement.

When Julia and I lived in Dayton, we had a neigbour about 3 or 4 doors down from us, that unknown to us or anyone else would use the basement of the apartment for storing his trash. He would open the door to his basement and instead of throwing his trash out, would store it in his basement. That worked ok for a while. No one knew and even if you went to his home, you wouldn’t know it, because the door to the basement was shut. But you can only store so much in the basement and finally he was caught. What a mess! How much easier if he had taken the time to walk over the the container and simply dumped the trash. But he didn’t do that.

I have done the same thing over the years. I’ve stored stuff in the basement until finally, after 58 years, there is no more room in the basement. It’s time to clean it out! How much easier it would have been had I taken the time over the last 40 years to simply take the day’s trash, and throw it out, and start afresh. But for some reason, I didn’t do that. I started packing it in the basement. I know now how wrong that was, but at the time, it seemed ok. There was plenty of room down there and who would know anyway.

CS Lewis say’s in Mere Christianity:

Thus, in one sense. the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But in another sense it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. I can't.

I walk to the basement door with my daily load of garbage and trash. I open it to throw the carefully wrapped and protected package of refuse down the stairs. When it suddenly dawns on me that there is no more room. No matter how hard I try to pack it in, there is no more room. The basement is full. I set down the day’s package and I sit quietly in front of a basement door that is open. The carefully hidden rubbish of my life is staring me in the face. The odor is appalling. The sheer lunacy of packing away 40 years of garbage and waste in the basement of my house hits me full in the face. I lower my head and start to weep. I can’t do this anymore Lord, I can’t. This is why I need a saviour!

Lord, my basement is full. There is no more room. It’s ugly down there Lord and I can’t make it better. I don’t have the strength to clean it up. I’m scared and I’m embarrassed and I’m tired Lord. I’m tired of trying to hide all of this. But I can’t clean it up, I don’t have the strength or the courage to do so. Please Lord, clean this up for me.

The Pursuit of Relationship with God

2009-12-09T07:14:00.002-05:00

Last week's lesson was a very hard hitting confession of sin written by an individual who has “been there, done that!” I know from our class discussion, we as a group could relate to the writer's cry of anguish. I know I could. Last week, the author spoke of a full and complete recognition of sin. He didn't sugar coat it in the slightest. One of the most important aspects of his poem was his acknowledgment where he admits:

“The lingering visions of what I've done haunt my soul, assault my heart, dominate my thoughts.”

I confess that I too have been in this exact position too many times. When you are there, it's so difficult to see God. I know at times like this, all I can see is my penchant to do evil. That's what makes this weeks lesson on relationship so important.

Many years ago, I heard a teaching on God's covenant with Abraham. In essence, God cut Abraham a deal that He knew Abraham couldn't keep. The keeping of the covenant was going to depend on God. Guess what? He did!

One thing that I have to carefully remind myself is that I dare not compare myself to others. If I do, I end up with something along the lines of “Well at least I didn't do that!” That type of attitude places me in a position where I go to God on the strength of my merit. My approach to God would be “God, here is what I did. I know it's bad, but it's not as bad as what Billy or Sue did.” Jesus described this type of person as a Pharisee. Someone who stands before God and says “Thank God I'm not like this sinner ...” while the sinner simply beats on his chest and cries out “Forgive me God!”

One thing I can do though, is to read the Bible and understand that it does not sugar coat anything. I get to read about Abraham the “Father of our Faith” and look at some of the bonehead stunts he pulled. Things I wouldn't have known if the Word hadn't told me about them. And then I read in Romans 4 the story of Abraham's greatest triumph and what the Bible says about him. If you read carefully, you will see that God has a rather high opinion of Mr. Abraham.

The subject of our study is Psalm 51, written by David. Clearly David is someone that made his share of mistakes and yet God has a pretty high opinion of this guy as well. Let's see, who else could we look at? Oh, how about Moses? I remember a story where he killed a guy. Any doubt in your mind what God thinks about Moses? And then there is Paul, Peter, Elijah, Rahab and on and on. I read in the Bible where people partner up with God and then fail, and sometimes in a rather spectacular fashion. Yet, God holds up both ends of the agreement.

I write this because I am reaching out to God and asking Him to help me learn about my relationship with Him. Too many times, I short change both God and myself because my eyes are focused on me and my failings. I have a very strong tendency to “degree” my sin's and then stand back and compare myself with Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer or whoever and then smugly feel, “well at least I didn't do that!”

Hebrew's tells us to look unto Jesus, the author and FINISHER of our faith. It is so trite to speak of “let go and let God” when someone is locked into a pattern of sin that they physically can't let go of. That person (ie: Andy) will then focus his eyes inward and miss the big picture. I need to rely on the relationship God established and trust Him. I have to understand that the relationship with God is based on His performance, not mine. I so desperately need that.

This last year has been a very trying year for me. Lofty goals and desires developed as a young man simply aren't going to happen. I accept that. It's part of “maturing” as both an adult and a Christian. However, I do think the one thing I have learned is this: There is NOTHING more important than understanding my relationship with God. It really doesn't matter what else I do or don't do, if I can focus my energies on God and what HE can do and not worry about what I can or can't do, then I believe I will begin to experience the peace of relationship that Paul and David talk about in their writings.

Oh Lord, please don't let me fall into the trap of comparison. Don't let me compare myself with anyone. I sin Lord. I sin often. I sin on purpose. I sin because I like it. It's easy to sin Lord, I'm good at it, a true professional. I come to you and ask simply that you take this mess I've created and let me experience your love towards me in such a way, it will fill those areas I try to fill with sin.

Wrecking Ball Theology

2009-11-25T08:23:00.002-05:00

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.

This week the Author makes a very good point. When God starts to rebuild our lives, He must first remove the older structures of our lives in order that a brand spanking new building can be built. He points out that God doesn’t use a wrecking ball and just demolish the old structures with one fell swoop. No he use smaller tools and dismantles the structure piece by piece and He takes His time to make sure the job is done correctly.

The author opens with verse Psalm 51:12 but I think a much more fitting scripture comes from Deuteronomy 7:22:

"The LORD your God will clear away these nations before you little by little; you will not be able to put an end to them quickly, for the wild beasts would grow too numerous for you.

When I was a young man in college I hired on with an excavation company in Liberty Indiana to help tear down a building that was over 100 years old. It was built in the 1860’s and was being torn down. (I might add that my Dad wryly commented “That’s a good job for you … right up your alley!”) I thought it would be easy and fun. It wasn’t. It was some of the hardest and most dangerous work I’d ever done. I had to sign a paper that released them of all responsibilities in case of my sudden demise and if I found anything of value, it was their property. (I did find a cap and ball revolver with real confederate money behind one of walls!)

As I related this weeks lesson to my life I could see a strong parallel between how God has worked in my life and how I’ve grown through the process.

First of all I signed a release to my life when I signed on as a Christian. My life is not my own, but God’s. ("I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Gal 2:20). This means for me to die is gain and to live is Christ (Phil 1:21). Being killed while tearing down a building wasn’t something I worried about when I was 22. When God starts removing structures in my life that need to be demolished, it feels like I’m going to die sometimes, but I no longer worry about it. Let God be God and I will be the benefactor. And even though I can’t see what is coming, I can trust that it will be better than what was there before.

The second part of this I find interesting is that there was value found hidden in the old building. Much to my dad’s chagrin, I filled the entire trunk of my 64 Oldsmobile with things my Mom thought were “precious”. I can tell you this, by looking at the old hotel and the wreckage of the building, it’s hard to see anything of value in there. Isn’t that how God sees our lives and the lives of others? Other people may look at your life and see a wreck. You may look at your life and see a wreck. But God doesn’t. He sees things in your life of value and it’s only through the tearing down of the old that the things of value can be seen.

It’s interesting that while the tearing down and removal of the building took only a few weeks at most, the tearing down and rebuilding of a life takes a lifetime. Deuteronomy 7:22 tells us God respects our emotional and physiological make up because he doesn’t do it all at once. He takes time and does it slowly but surely. He takes the things in our life that are broken, barren or overrun with weeds, and he fixes, rebuilds or plants new and vital structures so our lives can reflect His and so we can become more Christ like every day.

Oh Lord: Help me to not get nervous or worried when I see some structure in my life you haven’t worked on yet. Sometimes your work in removing one thing exposes something else that needs to be removed as well. Help me to understand the process. It doesn’t happen all at once and I shouldn’t expect it to. Help me to realize you love me when I see things that have yet to be torn down or fixed.

Thanks Lord … I appreciate you!

Just what did God do when I got saved?

2009-11-18T07:21:00.004-05:00

This week the author launches into an area I’m not qualified to discuss. He speaks of sin as it relates to small children. When I read this, I wondered what I would say since anything I say in this area carries no weight. So I prayed and read it again and I began to see some things that have been rolling around inside me for many moons. Let me explain.

When the author refers to small people and their innate ability to demand their own way I began to think of the relationship I have with sin. I got saved at 16 years old (That would be July 1968 in case you wondered) while sitting in a very hot chapel in a school that is described as “a controlled disciplinary environment”). I got baptized in the Holy Spirit 10 years later. But over the years I’ve found that I still voluntarily do things that are not Godly. I find I want to do things that are sinful and (to make matters worse) I then go out and do them. So there is nothing new in this pattern. It’s been going on for a long time. So rather than rehash years worth of sinful, stupid events in my life, let me cut to the chase.

What did God actually do when I got saved?

That’s the question I have. Second Corinthians tells us this:

2 Cor 5:16-17 Consequently, from now on we estimate {and} regard no one from a [purely] human point of view [in terms of natural standards of value]. [No] even though we once did estimate Christ from a human viewpoint {and} as a man, yet now [we have such knowledge of Him that] we know Him no longer [in terms of the flesh]. Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh {and} new has come!

Please note, the old previous moral and spiritual condition has passed away. So if that is true (and it is) then I am missing an important piece of information that will help me function correctly as a Christian. I don’t know what actually passed away and what to do with what remains.

It appears to me, that since I am a spirit and I live in a body and I have a soul (mind and intellect) then what Paul is talking about here is my Spirit. God gives me a new spirit that is fashioned after Christ, with desires for Christ and God. The old spirit is gone. So my spirit is a new creature.

Now comes the true battle, the one with the rest of me. I think if we follow Paul’s writings in the order they were written, we can see an interesting pattern. Lets look at 3 sets of books, Corinthians, Romans and Philippians. They were written in that order. I’ll take 4 sets of Scripture and summarize them in the order Paul wrote them.

1. We are a new creature (2 Cor 5:17)

2. Paul Wrestled with a thorn in the flesh (2 Cor 12:7)

3. Paul wrote in Romans 7 that he did things he didn’t want to do, but identified sin as the source of the problem, NOT PAUL.

4. God will finish in us what he started (Phil 1:6)

Here is what I see happened in Paul’s life. He recognized he was a new creature when he got born again. He started wrestling with his flesh and sin in 2 Cor 12. He realized in Romans 7 he was fighting something he could not beat by himself. Then in Phil 1 he relies on God to bring him through to the end.

This is a high level view of Paul’s life and perhaps from a different perspective than you’ve looked at it before. If you dig into this a little deeper, you will immediately run into Romans 8. There is a way out of the sin cycle in this life. It’s not easy and if you fight addictions and repeated failures in overcoming sin it seems like there is no way out. But God clearly tells us there is a way to overcome. I struggle mightily when I try to overcome and fail. That’s when I need to rest on God’s grace and mercy and those that God has placed in my life as traveling companions.

Now in order to bring this to conclusion, let me come back to the author. He is coming at this book from a Calvinist point of view. I don’t share that view. Much of this chapter sounds like it is rooted in the Calvinist definition of “depravity”. I don’t ascribe to their definition of the depravity of man. I do know that man is clearly born into sin and that we need a savior to deliver us from the bondage of sin. I have placed my trust in that savior. I believe Peter when he says God has no desire that anyone should perish. So the main question I’ve asked is what did God do when I got saved? I’m going to write what I think happened. I may not have it all correct, but here is what I think happened.

I think God gave me a new spirit and the Holy Spirit to help me manage life until I either go home to be with the Lord or He comes back. I’m going to have success’s and failures, but I can rest assured that He will accomplish in me that which he intended all along!

Then I will Teach Transgressors your ways ....

2009-11-11T07:22:00.001-05:00

Ps 51:12-13 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted {and} return to You.

This week the writer talks about an interesting subject. I’ve read this several times just to make sure I understand what he is talking about. His point is that God will use the brokenness of our lives to teach others about His grace.

I must confess something to you. I’ve written this blog before and then torn it up. The first time I wrote was raw emotion. I wrote it out of a sense of frustration and fear. Frustration because I can’t fix the things that are wrong in my life. Beverly spoke of this very eloquently when she told of her inability to stop worrying about her kids. She said something to the effect “I simply can’t stop Lord and if you don’t help me, I won’t be able to quit.” That was what I took away from the class concerning the kids. Roque then commented it doesn’t get any better or easier when you are in your late 80’s. I laughed heartily but I’ve had time to think through the conversation they had and I can learn something from it.

Roque is like the apostle Paul in this sense. Both look back at lives that were full of mistakes and yet they don’t speak of the mistakes and the pain, they both speak of God’s rich grace and love. I think Roque gets it. I think Paul got it. I think Andy needs to get it.

As I told you about the first draft of this week’s blog, it was written out of frustration and fear. Frustration that I can’t fix the things I want to fix. Fear because I don’t want people to learn about me what I know about me. That terrifies me. So I do everything in my power to “avoid” detection. What’s interesting about this fact is I’m not afraid for people to learn about “me”. I’m deeply ashamed of what I know about me. It’s this deep and pervasive sense of shame that drives my actions on many occasions.

What I just told you lays the foundation for my response to the author this week. I don’t think I can “teach” anyone about some of these issues until I’ve been successful in overcoming them. If you want to learn how to win super bowls, you don’t go to the Falcons and ask them. You go to a team like New England, who has had success and won. They’ve both tasted defeat, but only New England has actually won a super bowl. So if I want to know how to win, I go to New England, not Atlanta.

I apply this to my life. I see my life in the same sense. I can’t teach anyone how to be an overcomer if I can’t “overcome” the problems I face daily. Mind you, I’m not saying I haven’t made progress, I have. But I don’t see myself as an “overcomer” until I “overcome” the issues I face and until I do overcome, I don’t see how I can be an effective “teacher”.

Let me be clear about one thing. I’m not saying I have to be perfect. Far from it. I am saying I need to see some successful “overcoming” before I can be a helpful teacher to someone else. If I’m wrong, I don’t see where. It makes sense to me.

If I’m going to be able to be an effective teacher of God’s grace, I need to be able to look someone in the eye and say to them, “I’ve overcome that with the Lord’s help, and here’s how.” I can’t look someone in the face and say, “Yes I know your struggles. I have them too, and I don’t have a clue how to help you because I’m stuck in the same “slough of despond” and can’t get out.” The former statement is helpful. The latter is not.

As I finish my thoughts this week I need to tell you what happened yesterday. Julia and I were on our way to the council meeting. I needed to drop some mail so we thought we would eat next door at “My Pie”. We’d never eaten there before, so we thought we would try it. After we ordered, we started to sit down and saw Ms. Becky sitting at a table grading papers. There was a young man with her and when she saw us, she invited us to sit with them. She cleared her papers and we sat down. As we started talking she asked us to share how we met and how we got saved. We did and after we finished, we had to hurry to get to the meeting. It dawned on me that this “chance” meeting was in line with this week’s lesson. Sharing my testimony is something I can do with ease. I don’t have a problem with that. It’s the teaching part I struggle with. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here. But sharing my testimony is one thing. Teaching someone how to overcome is different. I can share my testimony with ease. I can’t tell you how to overcome in certain areas because I haven’t been successful in that area.

As you can tell from my discussion this is a difficult area for me. Perhaps it shouldn’t be, but it is. Last night’s meeting with Becky was ordained. I sensed God’s hand in immediately. I sensed also that the meeting was for my benefit. It was to let me know God knows my address and that he can use my life story if I will let Him. There is much work to do but there has been much that has already been accomplished. I need to just rest in the knowledge that when it’s all said and done for Andy Hines, that God will have accomplished what He wanted to accomplish. It’s based on what He can do, not what I can do.

Lord, Please let me rest in your grace. I find myself in constant agitation because I’m not farther along the path than I am. I constantly worry that there is something else I need to do. I simply can’t imagine a scenario where you are pleased with my efforts. Please give me peace to know you are pleased with me. I need that desperately.

Create in me a clean heart oh Lord ....

2009-11-04T06:37:00.001-05:00

Psalm 51:10 NLT Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.

This week the author looks at David’s propensity for sexual compromise. He gives us a rather graphic picture of a “dirty” heart. While it would be easy enough to concentrate on the sexual immorality of David’s sin, I see this from a bit different perspective.

When I first read this week’s lesson, I thought, “Oh no. Lord, how do I deal with this?” Then I received a vision, and I smiled, because of what the Lord reminded me.

Just before Julia and I were married I had a good friend who spent time in combat in Vietnam. After he returned home he was looking for work. A new donut store opened in town and they hired Dale. He was so happy because Dale LOVED donuts. The first day on the job, they told him he could eat as many as he wanted as often as he wanted. They didn’t care. He was in heaven on his first day at the job. Then I saw him barely a week later and asked him how the job was going. He told me he never wanted to see a donut again. He did eat all he wanted and he got so tired of donuts, he quit the job.

I tell you this because of the parallel I see with David. Second Samuel 12 tells of Nathan’s confrontation with David. Nathan give this message to David from the Lord in verse 8:

I gave you your master’s house, and put your master’s wives into your arms. I also gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all that somehow seems insignificant, I would have given you so much more as well!

This amazing verse seems very clear to me. God gave David everything he could want (including women) and if he needed more, the clear indication is all he had to do was ask. This is the point I want to look at. David could have had all the women he wanted, when he wanted them. What more could any man ask for???? Well …….

Like my friend Dale with the donuts, David was unable to maintain a gluttonous pace with women. When I look at both men, I see a problem. One I haven’t been able to successfully work through myself. The problem?

There is an itch deep within my soul I am unable to scratch with anything even though I try everything. In addition, I don’t know HOW to let God into my life such that He can scratch it for me!

Dale and David both showed that you can’t satisfy your desires no matter how much of the desired item you have. Donuts, women, booze, drugs, electronic things, golf, whatever it is.

I am not a counselor, but it appears to me that the attempts to do exactly as Dale and David tried to do leads to addictions. In today’s world, we have an addiction for everything. I understand addictions. Like Dale and David, I struggle with the attempt to fill the hole with things other than God. Others have described the hole as a God sized vacuum that only God can fill. I understand that. I understand addictions. I also understand that you will NEVER get addictions under control if YOU keep trying to fill the hole with stuff. You battle alcohol and quit drinking. Now you are doing drugs. You begin to deal with that and sexual addictions become a problem. You abstain and compulsive purchases become a problem. There is NO END to the misery of your own effort. I speak from experience. The scriptures speak clearly to this very issue in Isaiah 50:10-11 (NET Bible http://net.bible.org/home.php)

Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys his servant? Whoever walks in deep darkness, without light, should trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Look, all of you who start a fire and who equip yourselves with flaming arrows, walk in the light of the fire you started and among the flaming arrows you ignited! This is what you will receive from me: you will lie down in a place of pain.

Here is the Andy version of these scriptures:

Are you a Christian who loves God yet struggles and you don’t know why? Trust God to show you, but DON’T try to fill the hole in your life with stuff or it will cause you deep pain and frustration!

Now that is how I read this scripture and that is how I see David’s situation. His request for a clean heart makes perfect sense to me. He recognizes the wickedness he is capable of doing, yet seemingly unable to stop. He asks God to do for him what he can’t do yet wants desperately.

I understand his thinking here. I see in me things I hate yet I don’t have the ability to “fix” them.

I want to close with this final thought. Even though I see the things in my life I don’t like, I am not despairing about them. I used to, but not today. These things haven’t caught God off guard, only me. He knew about them long before I did and while I can’t see the end results, He does and His assurance that everything will be ok with me one day is of great comfort to me.

My hope and prayer is that you too may experience that great assurance if you find your self in the same position David and I have.

Week 21 - A need for cleansing ....

2009-10-28T07:26:00.001-04:00

This week we are to consider the idea of being “purged” of our sins. The author introduces a very valid concept of two things that need to happen. The first is forgiveness and the second is a cleansing or “purging” of the sin that caused us to need to be forgiven.

This week I can relate to the author’s line of thinking. I understand that I am forgiven. God provided the lamb that was the ultimate sacrifice. So I am forgiven now and for eternity. With that understanding or (as the author does) if we view forgiveness as a backdrop, I am confronted with the reality of Romans 7.

Rom 7:14 We know that the Law is spiritual; but I am a creature of the flesh [carnal, unspiritual], having been sold into slavery under [the control of] sin.

Rom 7:15-18 (AMP) For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice {or} accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [which my moral instinct condemns]. Now if I do [habitually] what is contrary to my desire, [that means that] I acknowledge {and} agree that the Law is good (morally excellent) {and} that I take sides with it. However, it is no longer I who do the deed, but the sin [principle] which is at home in me {and} has possession of me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.]

This is a struggle I have had for many years. I prayed Psalm 139:23-24 with an honest heart and God answered my prayer. Here was my problem in a nutshell. When I didn’t know what was inside me and I thought I was ok spiritually, then I FELT good about myself and my spiritual life. The reality was completely different than my perception and when I learned what I was actually capable of and what I was willing to do, I was devastated. I thought God had removed that type of thing from my life. Obviously my understanding of my true situation was wrong.

I can relate to David in this sense. I want cleansed from the garbage inside me. I hate what I see inside of me worse than anything. I don’t want it in there. But it is. So what’s a Christian to do? Counseling? Yes, I’m involved in very helpful counseling. Prayer? Obviously, I talk to God about this regularly. Start drinking again? Been there done that … didn’t work then, won’t work now.

The bottom line? I don’t know what to do. There must be something I can do but I haven’t found it yet. I’m looking diligently for the answer, but I simply haven't found it. Let me illustrate this whole issue from an event that happened on my most recent trip to Valdosta.

We have a new franchise in the Valdosta area and I am responsible for their business. I was there the last couple of days to work with them. After I am through at their office, I am exhausted. I’ve been pounding the road for 10 days and flown all over and I’m mentally and physically tired. So on my way to eat dinner, I see a Japanese Steakhouse. It’s one of my favorite places to eat, so I stop in. I’m the only one at the table so I’m sitting there catching up on e-mails. I suddenly turn around and see the hostess seating a young couple and two little girls next to me. They are African American and so while they are sitting I “look them over” and I make a few mental notes about them. The notes went something like this:

1. He looks like a rap artist. Long braided hair, funky hat that isn’t worn like I think it should be, so clearly that is a problem. Gold jewelry everywhere, mouth full of gaudy gold fillings. Obviously a thug.

2. She is younger than he is and much nicer dressed. She must have a job. She is probably pulling the whole load. He is probably along for the ride tonight and really doesn’t want to be here.

3. The two little girls are probably illegitimate and they are not married.

4. They probably are on welfare and I’m footing the bill for them.

Mind you, I made these judgments in milliseconds. I had these two pegged. Then I sensed the Lord move me to talk to them. So I did. Here is what I found out.

1. They have been married for 3 years.

2. They are both Christians

3. They are 29 and 30 and have been struggling to stay together for 15 years.

4. He was in prison for 8 years for shooting a man.

5. He became a Christian and has been on the right path for several years.

6. He gives his wife all the credit for his even being alive and God is a major part of his life.

7. She works in the hospitality industry and he is a roofer who is having to deal with a very bad economy.

Need I say more? I simply asked them to tell me more and what I heard was the Lord speaking to me. Oh sure they were talking, but it was the Lord speaking.

I didn’t say much. What could I say that would be of any help to them. I’m hard of hearing anyway and I could barely understand him at all, but I heard enough to know I had been put squarely in my place again. As I left I prayed with them sitting right there at the table. He prayed for me and gave thanks for God bringing me into his life and for encouragement.

As I left and paid I felt miserable. However, God gave me a vision. As I was paying the bill, I saw Jesus standing there beside me, waiting on me to pay the bill. As I left to go to my car, He opened the door for me and went outside and stood there besides me. I looked over at Him and I was ashamed. He was looking at me, smiling with a toothpick and opened the door of my car for me. I said that’s why I need a savior isn’t it. “Yup” he said as he walked around the front of the car, got in on the passenger side and said “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

I simply didn’t have any words other than “Oh Lord … purge me.”

Their names are Skeeter, Kay, Sharika and Nestle. Please pray for them, they are a great family. Pray for me too … I need it desperately.

A final note. When Kay told me her little girl was named Nestle, I laughed and said that sounded suspiciously like a chocolate bar. She said it was. When she was pregnant with her, she loved Nestle crunch bars and that Nestle sounded better than crunch! Then her eyes sparkled and she just laughed a real heartfelt laugh. I did too ….

Isn’t God good!

Whiter than snow - week 20

2009-10-21T06:46:00.000-04:00

This week is about Nathan the prophet. The author gives us a very clear picture of a simple, un-pretentious man who heard God and did what he was told. “Thou art the man” he told David. This is a very gutsy move on his part. I rank it right up there with Esther going to the king for Mordicai. When I read in the Bible of people like Esther and Nathan, I always wonder what I would do in the same situation. I think this is an important question to ask. “What would I do?” I think it is important to ask because my tendancy has always been to compare myself to others and usually the comparison is for the purpose of making me either look better of feel better. “Whew, thank God I’m not like that person” or “I am glad I don’t’ struggle with that problem” are some of the nicer things I’ve thought.

What this week’s lesson has done is to bring into focus a very real problem for me. I am no different than anyone else in this regard. All people have problems and God loves all people and desires that no one should perish. I need to see people through God’s eyes. All people, even Mike Tyson.

Julia and I record TV shows during the day and then we watch them in the evening. We like to watch Oprah and last week Oprah interviewed Mike Tyson. I like boxing and Mike Tyson was one of the most fearsome fighters I’ve ever seen. He was powerful, mean and virtually unbeatable. I didn’t like him at all. I didn’t know anyone that liked him. In fact, I hated the guy. I wanted to see him destroyed in the ring. He was beaten by Buster Douglas in a famous fight in the early 90’s. After that, “Iron Mike” went downhill and finally ended up in prison. Good ridance or so I thought. When I saw that Oprah was going to have “Iron Mike” on her show I thought it would be interesting to watch it. So we did. And did God ever touch my life through the show.

Julia and I sat there riveted to the screen unable to turn away while Mike Tyson poured out his soul to a national audience. The pain this man suffered as a boy growing up was unbearable. He recounted time after time incidents that happened in his life and how the one man who offered any help to him (Gus Dematto) or showed him any concern at all, taught him to be a warrior. He taught him to fight. Gus died in 1985 and Mike was on his own. Here was a 20 year old kid that earned 300 Million dollars with no guideance and a heart full of pain. As he described his life and how he has changed, you could see his contrite heart. He lost his 4 year old daughter to a terrible accident. As a young boy he raised pet pigeons. A bully came into his house and killed them all right in front of his eyes and Mike made a vow that no one would ever bully him again. They didn't.

As he recounted these incidents and what prison did to him, the tears would not stop flowing. Here was “Iron Mike Tyson” as a broken man of 43 trying to get his life back together. Julia and I were stunned. There were tears in her eyes and I was just as moved. My thoughts went to my judgement of Mike Tyson. I judged him with a harsh judgement that had no mercy or offered no grace. Why? Because I thought I was clearly better than him. Oh how wrong can a person be.

Julia and I were both affected by the show. But there is more to the story. I saw a news blurb in the paper last Friday about Evander Holifield appearing on the Oprah show with Mike Tyson to reconcile. (They had a famous fight where Mike bit Evander on his ear). Mike had spoken of this incident on his earlier appearance. He mentioned he apologized but it wasn’t sincere and he wished he could sit down with Evander and talk about it. Evander saw the show, called Oprah and she brought them together. Again, it was a riviting moment. Evander as a Christian had forgiven Mike and the reconciliation was complete.

What is my take away from this week’s lesson? That I am a person like others. I have issues, they have issues. All people need God and God needs His people to walk with their eyes open and a heart towards seeing other’s as He does. If we can do that, then we can truly say we are followers of Christ.

Oh Lord, please allow me the grace to see others as you do. Please allow me to offer grace and mercy when no one else will. I need that and I know others need it, so help me be that person that makes a differnce in someone’s life today because I had the courage to see them as you do and to act on that with the love of God.

Whiter Than Snow - Week 19 Part Deux

2009-10-20T07:25:00.001-04:00

Last week the author spoke to us about the Lord’s Prayer. He was making a point about how it would disrupt our carefully constructed lives and move us into a very uncomfortable place where we don’t have control.

This week the author shifts us to a close look at “Thou art the Man” and the type of person Nathan the prophet was to deliver such a message.

The Lord has shown me some things this week that pertain to the lesson from last week and and important aspect of this weeks lesson. So I will have 2 entries this week. Todays’ entry is Week 19 Part Deux!

This week I am on a very difficult trip covering 4 states in 5 days. The nature of the trip forces me to fly. I don’t’ like flying anymore because of my arm and the hassle airport travel is in today’s world. Nevertheless, I am flying this week. The itinerary is a very complicated one as you can imagine. 10 Flights in 5 different airports have to land and take off within a very narrow window for me to be able to get it done. I don’t like this type of trip, it makes me nervous. While sitting in row 15 seat B on a plane I’d never heard of, I started thinking about travel and why it makes me nervous. Now I don’t know that the Lord was in Seat 15 A or it could have been 15 B, but it seemed like it. It is a control issue. When flying I don’t have control of much of anything. On this trip I had less than any control of anything. I was worried about connections. I was worried about the rental car and directions in Des Moines (which I drove to the wrong one anyway). I was worried because they took the bag I had my computer in and stored it someplace where I wasn’t. So as I sat there and thought about it, I sensed the Lord’s presence. I realized I had a choice to make. I could worry about things I have no control over, or I could relax and trust God to cover me. Which was I going to do? As I thought about it, I smiled and said (to no one in particular) “Traveling with me is not an adventure is it Lord?” I said that because I realized I so carefully structure my life and my travel schedule to remove as much uncertainty as possible. That’s why I can drive all over the country and usually tell you within a few minutes of when I will be where. As soon as I said that, I heard “Not much fun either!” I started laughing out loud in seat 15 B. He was right. I don’t allow time for fun anymore. I’m way too serious. If you would travel with me, I don’t smell the roses so to speak, I’m all business. The problem is I’m not just that way with business. I’m that way in all aspects of my life. I simply don’t allow for uncertainty. At least I do everything I can to minimize it and if there is a choice to make, I will always make the choice with the less certainty in it.

There is new freedom on the horizon. It is full of excitement, wonder and chaos (as I see it). I’ll keep you posted on my success in navigating these new waters!

Whiter Than Snow - Week 19

2009-10-14T06:49:00.003-04:00

Let me be perfectly clear about this chapter of our study. I had a very difficult time with this. I disagree with the author on many things, but I just can’t seem to get on the same page he is with this chapter. I’ll share what I see and if you disagree with me, I would love to hear about it.

Ps 51:4 Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in your judgment.

Matt 6:9-13 Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors. And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. {For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.}

This week the author looks at the Lord’s Prayer and for me, he sees something I don’t. He makes the comment this can’t be answered without the tearing down and rebuilding of many things in our lives. He is looking at this prayer as the end all prayer in the Bible. He made the comment “Had David prayed and lived this prayer, Psalm 51 wouldn’t be in the Bible.” Well that’s true. Had David done a number of things in Proverbs, Psalm 51 wouldn’t be in the Bible either. I guess what I am saying is I don’t see the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6 in the same light as the author. I may be completely off base here, but let me look at this prayer from a different perspective.

I think we need to look at this section of scripture as a piece of a larger unit of teaching. Matthew 5 places Jesus on the side of a mountain teaching the multitudes. Chapter 5, 6, 7 are all part of that same teaching of which the Lord’s Prayer is a small part. He talks about many things but he has a couple of theme’s he is putting out for the crowds. I want to look at those themes for a moment.

The first theme is an overview of the type of person God blesses. We call this the “sermon on the mount” and it is the first thing he discusses in Matthew 5. I think this shows people the target they are shooting for. This is the type of person you are to be if you want God to bless you. Jesus is simply setting a rather high standard for behavior.

The second theme is a rather in depth look at what types of things this person will have to do to actually BE the type of person Jesus described in the “sermon on the mount”. This is actually a “to-do” list describing such things as anger, adultery, divorce, vows, revenge, giving to the poor and other duties.

The Lord’s Prayer seems to me to be a request for God to bring to pass the conditions needed to enable us to meet God’s standard.

1. Bring about conditions where God’s name will be honored.

2. Bring about conditions where things work on earth as they do in heaven.

3. Bring about conditions where our daily needs are met continuously.

4. Bring about conditions where forgiveness reigns.

5. Bring about conditions where satan’s influence is minimized.

After the prayer, He goes into more detail about the things we need to do to operate effectively according to God’s will. Don’t be fearful, don’t condemn others, and be persistent in prayer.

He finishes chapter 7 with encouragement on how to build a solid, Godly foundation for your life.

This is my understanding of Matthew 5-7. So when the author begins talking about how badly this prayer will interrupt his carefully constructed life, I simply don’t see it this way. He wants to concentrate on a very narrow aspect of this prayer and (in my opinion) head down a rabbit trail of negativity.

Whiter Than Snow - Week 18

2009-10-07T09:00:00.001-04:00

Ps 51:16 For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.

I wish I would live with you in view

Eyes to your Glory

Ears to your wisdom

Heart for your Grace

But I live with me in view

These 5 lines and this particular verse capture my heart as it has been changed in the last 12 months. I relate very strongly to these words. I think I could write an entire book on this weeks lesson and what it means to me, but I won’t. Let me just concentrate on these verses.

When I read this scripture, I’m reminded that God is not a God of lists and to do’s. I don’t have to perform for him, and He doesn’t want me trying. This is a huge thing for me. I learned at a very young age that performance was the key indicator of social health! If you didn’t perform at an expected level, you were punished for it. More importantly when you did manage to get it right and perform at the expected level, no one ever praised you for it, because that’s what you were expected to do. This put me in the position where I had to perform at a certain level just to stay accepted. This is what I learned as a young man. Naturally I carried this with me into adulthood. It wasn’t a bad thing to be striving to hit high performance as a young man in my 20’s. I was a super achiever at work. I worked all the time of course, but that’s ok, I was making progress, or so I thought. It didn’t work for me at any time, I just didn’t know it. The bar kept moving and I kept chasing it. It was always just out of reach, so I would work harder, longer and still I never got there. Now fast forward to today. I can see the problem very clearly and I don’t want to continue down the same path. The only problem is I don’t know HOW to not do what I’ve done for so many years. I don’t know how to NOT work 60 - 70 hour weeks. I don’t know how to take a rest and relax anymore. My idea of time off during the day is only working 8 hours! God doesn’t expect that of me, Julia doesn’t expect it of me, no one I know expects it of me. Who is it then that is driving this? People I knew 40 years ago. People who were heavy task masters as a young boy, it is they who drive my performance today. 40 years is the number of years the Israelites stumbled through the desert. 40 years is the number of years Moses stayed in the desert. 40 Years is the number of years I have been running from people who have long since died and are out of my life. 40 years I have been trying to perform for people that set unreasonable goals for me and set standards that were unattainable. I think it’s time to stop chasing the magic bean and cross over into the promised land. I don’t want to see this side of the mountain again!

I wish I would live with you in view

After I had the bad experience in Chicago I thought to myself many times, “I wish I could sit down at the kitchen table with just Jesus and I and have a cup of coffee and just talk with Him”. Then slowly I realized that I had the chance to do that every day with Julia. She is part of the body of Christ. She is Jesus in this world. If I listen closely then I can hear Him speak in her words. They are not always words I want to hear, but words I NEED to hear. They are spoken in love with the intent of helping me. So what I thought was an unreachable goal was before me every day, I just needed eyes to see and ears to hear. Our former lay leader captured this idea very clearly when he stated, “It’s amazing how many times the Holy Spirit sounds like my wife Joy!”

Concerning the eyes, ears and grace of God, I realize I have that as well through the body of Christ. I need to be more open to how God may well speak to me through others. This last Sunday we had 23 people in our class. That is the most I remember in any one class in 20 years of Gateway. As I sat there and looked around I saw people I love dearly and have shared many an intimate moment with in other classes such as these. I see God in this class. I’ve seen great hurt and pain that has been shared and worked on and through in many of the members of the class. How could I ask for more from God? I’ve seen Him at work on a regular basis in the lives of our classmates. I’ve seen and heard God on a weekly basis. That in and of itself is quite incredible. I’m reminded of a verse in John’s gospel:

John 14:9 Jesus replied, Have I been with all of you for so long a time, and do you not recognize {and} know Me yet, Philip? Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. How can you say then, Show us the Father?

Philip was like Andy or Andy is like Philip, depending on your point of view. Philip was looking for God to do something beyond the obvious, something spectacular. The idea that you would be able to see God by watching someone you know was really a foreign concept to Philip. My desire to meet God at the kitchen table has been answered a thousand times by Julia. There have been times I sat at the kitchen table with other Christian friends and unknowingly “Talked with God” and He has spoken to me through the lives of these fellow Ambassadors. That is quite amazing when you think about it!

Week 17 - Somebody Else

2009-09-28T07:13:00.000-04:00

This week the author outlines a strategy for shifting the blame from ourselves to someone else when considering our personal failures. He is describing ways he has tried to shift the blame for his sins so he didn’t have to accept responsibility for his actions. He asks a couple of interesting questions at the end of the chapter.

Are there places where you’ve been tempted to blame inside struggles on outside pressures?

Where have you failed to seek the grace that is your’s as God’s child because you have successfully told yourself your most pressing problem is outside and not inside yourself?

I’ve been thinking of these two questions quite a bit. Concerning question #1, I don’t know that I blame any inside struggle on outside influences as he indicates. I do find that outside influences have caused great damage in my life. As I’ve aged, I’ve been forced to deal with these issues. I can very easily point to an instance in 2001 that was external pressure that has caused me no small amount of apprehension since that time. The Lord has very clearly used the event to show me issues that were already “inside”. The event in question simply brought existing issues to the surface for me to deal with. They were “new” to me, but the external event in question wasn’t the cause of the discomfort and pain, it simply brought it to the surface.

At some point in the last year or so, I began to see many of these “external” issues in a new light. Jerry refers to them as sandpaper. Most of the external situations I complain about are issues that bring to the surface things I need to deal with, but have carefully avoided. I think of my most recent business trip to the home office. I had to deal with woman that quite frankly doesn’t like me and is intent on making it rough for me when it suits her purposes. (That is my perspective at this time. I don’t have the complete picture yet about what issues she is dealing with). If this situation were left up to me, I would simply avoid her and either blow her off, or verbally blow her away. Neither of these two options will accomplish a Christlike work in me. So I spend time in the light of 1 Cor. 13 and Gal 5 and ask the Lord a simple question: “As your ambassador in this situation, how do I respond to her and honor you at the same time?” With that question in my mind, I entered into the meeting with her. She launched into the meeting and I noticed she was an equal opportunity destroyer as she also laid into one of the other operations managers with the same sharp verbal knife’s she cut me with. So as the meeting progressed, I took notes on what I saw and heard. From that little action of taking notes during the meeting I learned some very interesting things, and they weren’t about her, they were about me. I was sitting in class for sure, but I was in class with the Lord not her. It was like He was sitting there teaching me and using her as sandpaper to work on my rough edges. Let me show you what I mean. I had my Blackberry with me (this was BEFORE it blew up ....GRRRRRRRRRRR) and so felt led to review 1 Cor. 13 in the Amplified Bible.

1 Cor 13:4-9 Love endures long {and} is patient and kind; love never is envious {nor} boils over with jealousy, is not boastful {or} vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) {and} does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights {or} its own way, {for} it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy {or} fretful {or} resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice {and} unrighteousness, but rejoices when right {and} truth prevail. Love bears up under anything {and} everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled {and} pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed {and} cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth]. For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).

Several elements jumped out at me (right in the meeting I might add).

Love endures long and is patient. Application: Instead of getting mad at her because of her actions, I need to be a bit more patient with her. I need to endure it and not whine or complain about it.

Love is not rude or unmannerly. Application: Instead of giving her a piece of my mind, I need to be thoughtful and treat her with respect and NOT respond in Kind. (I wanted to drill her, but didn’t!)

Love is ready to believe the best of EVERY PERSON. Application: I believed the worst of her and in fact, told Julia some things I believed about her that were downright wrong. I needed to find something good about her and concentrate on that.

Love is not touchy ..Application: Ouch! All right Lord all right I get it!

I now have a new perspective on this whole problem. I now know how I can be a good ambassador and represent God well in the land of corporate meetings at least in this situation. I think there is enough meat here for me to grow and apply to other corporate situations. All in all, it ended up being a good meeting!

Question # 2 is an ongoing battle for me. I am so hard on myself, that I don’t accept God’s grace when I should. This is because I have been trying to “earn” points with God. I can’t just accept God’s grace, I have to do SOMETHING, it can’t be that simple. Can it?

The prosperity Gospel - week 16

2009-09-21T06:16:00.000-04:00

I don’t like the term “Health and Wealth” gospel. I don’t like it because it is a pejorative term used to demean several prominent ministers who are very prosperous. In the mid to late 70’s Julia and I became aware of the Pentecostal perspective of Christianity. I can say without a doubt that our lives were changed forever by the ministries of Kenneth Hagin and Kenneth Copeland. I would go so far as to say I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for the Holy Spirit’s ministry through these two men. It was through their ministry I received deliverance from drugs, smoking and a dramatic turn around of my life.

Almost immediately we also became aware of the controversy of these ministries. That time in our lives was a critical nurturing period for our faith. I heard the criticism of these ministries. I listened to their teachings and I could not reconcile the criticism of their ministries with what they actually taught. They simply didn’t teach what they were being accused of. Julia and I listened to hundred and hundred’s of hours of tapes. We arose early on Sunday morning and would meet at a friends house and watch Kenneth Copeland on their TV before we went to Church. Kenneth Copeland did not teach a gospel of “name it and claim it” as it was being described by his detractors.

We became fond of many teachers. We enjoyed their ministries and we grew spiritually. Did we make mistakes? You bet we did. Those mistakes weren’t because of our pursuit of wealth through the gospel for personal gain however. I like to think of them as mistakes of “Enthusiasm”.

Over the last 10 years of ministry at Gateway, I no longer listen to Kenneth Copeland on a regular basis. It’s not because of Kenneth Copeland’s teaching, but rather I’ve learned new things. I’ve experienced God in a new light and some of the things that worked for me in the 70’s and the 80’s simply don’t work any more. Several years ago I spoke to our former Lay Leader about this issue. I told him “I wish I had learned more Charles Swindol and less Kenneth Copeland.” I was unbalanced in my approach to life and I took good scriptural teachings and I didn’t connect them very well to the path of life I was traveling at the time. There is much truth in Kenneth Copeland’s teachings. There are powerful truths there. But he only has one piece of the puzzle. Life is not black or white. There are shades of gray in life that I missed through Kenneth’s ministry. His testimony of God’s deliverance is powerful. His presentation of the death and resurrection of Christ is one of the defining moments in my Christian life. But he is human and he sees through the glass darkly as I do. He may see more things than I do, but he doesn’t see everything. Neither did the apostle Paul who penned those words. Paul also wrote “imitate me as I imitate Christ”. I tried in my early Christian walk to imitate Kenneth Copeland as he imitated Christ. I have fond memories of that walk and I am here to tell you, God used Kenneth Copeland’s ministry to infuse me with a love for God’s Word and to help both Julia and I to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I will forever be grateful to God and “Brother Copeland” for his ministry.

Sinners and Unafraid - Week 15

2009-09-14T08:15:00.000-04:00

One of the best lines from this lesson is this: “But as you get older, you tend to look back at least as much as you look forward.”

How true this is. I’ve found this especially true for me in the last 6 months. I’ve always been an introspective type person. I’ve always analyzed my actions. Usually I don’t give myself a very good grade. I always find fault and am quick to point out everything I could have done. I spend little or any time thinking about any good I might have done. Recently that has changed.

I just finished a new book by the author Andrew Farley. The book is “The Naked Gospel”. The author has insight into the freedom God gave us when we became Christians. I’ve “Known” about this freedom for my entire Christian life. The problem is I haven’t really “KNOWN” it in my heart. I’m now beginning to understand what Jesus accomplished for us. This type of introspection is healthy, life giving and energizing. The more I realize what Jesus actually got accomplished and that I can’t add to it or take away from it, the more freedom I experience. I described it the other day as the bands around my chest are beginning to loosen. My past life has been colorful and there are parts of it I simply hate. However I can’t change one of them. Not one. Just as Jesus said “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his life” he could just have easily said “Which of you by thinking about it can change one thing in your past”. I’ve worried and fretted about things that are long since gone. I’ve allowed my mental conditioning to be used by the enemy to beat me regularly because of my past. “The Naked Gospel” exposed that lie to me in such a way I can receive it. The knowledge that Jesus paid the price in full and is sitting at the right hand of God is comforting beyond words to this pilgrim. I can certainly pause and reflect on life. That’s good. I no longer have to beat myself up over my past. I am simply ruining a perfectly good day and that my friends, is a tragedy I will no longer indulge in.

The second line that is so meaningful to me here is “... if you and I are at all willing to humbly and honestly look at our lives, we will be forced to admit we are flawed human beings.” This is a simple yet powerful statement. Somehow in my theological upbringing, I picked up on the notion that I was a flawed human being, but that through my growth as a Christian, those flaws would be removed and I would proceed to grow and “fix” these flaws. I thought God would show me issues I had to deal with (be it smoking, drinking, sex or whatever the issue of the day would be) and then He would “Fix” them. Once they were “Fixed” I wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.

WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!! Boy did I miss the boat here. God certainly doesn’t want me to participate in these things and He does want to deliver me from them. But I live in a fallen world and like it or not, perfection is a goal that is unattainable this side of heaven. I’ve been diligently following rules and lists of things I thought I should do to “fix” things and when they don’t “fix” I get frustrated and I end up going around that mountain again and again trying to “fix” them. As we all know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I must point to the book “The Naked Gospel” as a lifeline God has thrown to me. One of the things that has caused me to be trapped in the past is I really didn’t think God had actually forgiven me. I knew I hadn’t forgiven me. I labored under the mistaken idea that God was always about half mad at me because I couldn’t get it right. How tragic for me. How much time have I wasted and lost in such a futile pursuit? I live in a fallen world and I am an ambassador to this world, a representative of the Kingdom of God. I am not perfect and God knew it and thus we have Jesus and the cross. I simply can’t add to that and my goal is to rest in His finished work daily. If I can go to bed at night and say I’ve rested in God’s forgiveness and the sacrifice of Jesus, then I’ve had a very good day!

The third line and the best for me is: “Isn’t it wonderful that we can do all of these things because, like David, we have learned that our hope in life is not in the purity of our character or the perfection of our performance.” As I sit here and read that line over and over and over, I can physically feel the bands in my chest loosen and i sense a lightness in my step that wasn’t there even a month ago. The advantages of this knowledge is apparent to me immediately.

I will be a better husband to Julia because I won’t be walking around on eggshells all the time, and I won’t be so angry because I make mistakes. Julia will feel better about being around me because I won’t be mad at me all the time!

I will be a better employee for my company. I will make less mistakes because I won’t be so worried about making mistakes. I will work less hours and be more effective in the time I do work.

I will be a better Lay Leader at Gateway. Because I won’t be so concerned about God being mad at me all the time. This will result in me being free to listen to God more and not “cowering” in His presence because I’m scared He’s half popped at me all the time!

Take A Moment

Are there places where your living portrays an unhealthy fear of God’s anger, judgment and rejection?

Do you ever doubt he could love a person such as you?

Is there a place in your life where you are still holding on to a regret even though God has forgiven you and does not respond to you based on your past performance?