Ps 51:12-13 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted {and} return to You.
This week the writer talks about an interesting subject. I’ve read this several times just to make sure I understand what he is talking about. His point is that God will use the brokenness of our lives to teach others about His grace.
I must confess something to you. I’ve written this blog before and then torn it up. The first time I wrote was raw emotion. I wrote it out of a sense of frustration and fear. Frustration because I can’t fix the things that are wrong in my life. Beverly spoke of this very eloquently when she told of her inability to stop worrying about her kids. She said something to the effect “I simply can’t stop Lord and if you don’t help me, I won’t be able to quit.” That was what I took away from the class concerning the kids. Roque then commented it doesn’t get any better or easier when you are in your late 80’s. I laughed heartily but I’ve had time to think through the conversation they had and I can learn something from it.
Roque is like the apostle Paul in this sense. Both look back at lives that were full of mistakes and yet they don’t speak of the mistakes and the pain, they both speak of God’s rich grace and love. I think Roque gets it. I think Paul got it. I think Andy needs to get it.
As I told you about the first draft of this week’s blog, it was written out of frustration and fear. Frustration that I can’t fix the things I want to fix. Fear because I don’t want people to learn about me what I know about me. That terrifies me. So I do everything in my power to “avoid” detection. What’s interesting about this fact is I’m not afraid for people to learn about “me”. I’m deeply ashamed of what I know about me. It’s this deep and pervasive sense of shame that drives my actions on many occasions.
What I just told you lays the foundation for my response to the author this week. I don’t think I can “teach” anyone about some of these issues until I’ve been successful in overcoming them. If you want to learn how to win super bowls, you don’t go to the Falcons and ask them. You go to a team like New England, who has had success and won. They’ve both tasted defeat, but only New England has actually won a super bowl. So if I want to know how to win, I go to New England, not Atlanta.
I apply this to my life. I see my life in the same sense. I can’t teach anyone how to be an overcomer if I can’t “overcome” the problems I face daily. Mind you, I’m not saying I haven’t made progress, I have. But I don’t see myself as an “overcomer” until I “overcome” the issues I face and until I do overcome, I don’t see how I can be an effective “teacher”.
Let me be clear about one thing. I’m not saying I have to be perfect. Far from it. I am saying I need to see some successful “overcoming” before I can be a helpful teacher to someone else. If I’m wrong, I don’t see where. It makes sense to me.
If I’m going to be able to be an effective teacher of God’s grace, I need to be able to look someone in the eye and say to them, “I’ve overcome that with the Lord’s help, and here’s how.” I can’t look someone in the face and say, “Yes I know your struggles. I have them too, and I don’t have a clue how to help you because I’m stuck in the same “slough of despond” and can’t get out.” The former statement is helpful. The latter is not.
As I finish my thoughts this week I need to tell you what happened yesterday. Julia and I were on our way to the council meeting. I needed to drop some mail so we thought we would eat next door at “My Pie”. We’d never eaten there before, so we thought we would try it. After we ordered, we started to sit down and saw Ms. Becky sitting at a table grading papers. There was a young man with her and when she saw us, she invited us to sit with them. She cleared her papers and we sat down. As we started talking she asked us to share how we met and how we got saved. We did and after we finished, we had to hurry to get to the meeting. It dawned on me that this “chance” meeting was in line with this week’s lesson. Sharing my testimony is something I can do with ease. I don’t have a problem with that. It’s the teaching part I struggle with. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here. But sharing my testimony is one thing. Teaching someone how to overcome is different. I can share my testimony with ease. I can’t tell you how to overcome in certain areas because I haven’t been successful in that area.
As you can tell from my discussion this is a difficult area for me. Perhaps it shouldn’t be, but it is. Last night’s meeting with Becky was ordained. I sensed God’s hand in immediately. I sensed also that the meeting was for my benefit. It was to let me know God knows my address and that he can use my life story if I will let Him. There is much work to do but there has been much that has already been accomplished. I need to just rest in the knowledge that when it’s all said and done for Andy Hines, that God will have accomplished what He wanted to accomplish. It’s based on what He can do, not what I can do.
Lord, Please let me rest in your grace. I find myself in constant agitation because I’m not farther along the path than I am. I constantly worry that there is something else I need to do. I simply can’t imagine a scenario where you are pleased with my efforts. Please give me peace to know you are pleased with me. I need that desperately.
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