Longing for Jesus

I think Dr. Tripp has focused on a core issue this week.  David’s heart cry in Psalm 51 is well documented.  His sin is “ever before him”.  He is looking for mercy and grace in a time of real need.  The issue we discuss this week is two fold.

Issue # 1 is forgiveness.

Issue # 2 is deliverance.

I understand these issues very well.  It seems I’ve spent my life asking God for forgiveness.  It really doesn’t matter what the issue is or was, I ask God for forgiveness for the same thing over and over again.  In many ways I act before God as if I am offering bulls and goats regularly.  I find myself too often in Romans 7 when I should be in Romans 8.  At times, my life seems eerily like the book of Judges.  Forgiveness has been a step I’ve taken to relieve myself of guilt rather than a first step in correcting the problem.  Getting rid of the guilt (real or false) was the goal, not deliverance.

Today, I confess that I can see this clearly.  My actions before God for many years have been more like the actions of an old testament character rather than a new testament son.  I have asked for forgiveness with an old testament mindset, a “law follower”.  Paul speaks to this exact issue in Romans.

Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the life-giving Spirit  in Christ Jesus has set you  free from the law of sin and death.  For God achieved what the law could not do because it was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

If I don’t deal with both issues, forgiveness AND deliverance, then I will be defeated.  I don’t want to live that way.  I want to be “more than a conqueror” as Paul states further down the road in Romans 8.

In order to experience deliverance, I will have to do more than simply ask forgiveness.  I need to take positive steps and move towards freedom.  This is most likely going to involve things I’ve never done before.  One author put it this way:  “If you want to go places you’ve never been before, you will most likely have to do things you’ve never done before.”

I’ve been home with no one from work to bother me for the last several days.  I have been watching documentaries on some of my favorite historical figures, FDR, Harry Truman and Lewis and Clark.  The illustration I want to close with concerns Lewis and Clark.  There was a point the in the journey where Meriwether Lewis was standing in Montana at the end of the known map.  The very next step he took would be in uncharted waters.  The rest of the journey was unknown.  Yet he undertook it with great courage and skill.  It was a long time before he reached his goal, but he did reach his goal!

I’m there with Meriwether Lewis.  I’m at the edge of my known map.  I’m moving into unknown waters.  I’m looking for the Northwest Passage of my heart.

Lord:  As we move into 2010, let us move there with complete confidence that even though we may not see the road ahead, you do.  And you’ve told us we can move forward with the assurance you are with us and will not leave us.

This week is different …

I want to be completely honest with everyone.  When I read this weeks lesson, I didn’t get any point the first time.  The second time I went through it though, I got a different perspective.  I don’t want to talk about the “unholy trinity” the author talks about.

I want to talk about what God has done for me this year in spite of myself!  During one of our classes, Leland commented that he hoped the author experienced some joy in his life.  I’m sure he does, but reading his book week in and week out is a bit of a challenge.

While I certainly have gotten some great insight from the class, I also want to point out the good things God has done for me in 2009.  I’ve been challenged to repent and step outside of the emotional pits I constantly seem to be fighting and to trust God.  Did you hear that?  Trust God. 

That is what I am going to do.  I am going to take out of 2009 the fact that God is for me and who or what can be against me.  The Lord spoke to me through Julia today and it was words of great encouragement.  She spoke of God’s faithfulness and with tears in her eyes shared some of her concerns to me.  But with a flash of her smile, she commented that God was good and will see us through any mess we find ourselves in.

Yes David blew it with Bathsheba.  He blew it big time.  Is there anyone out there in blog-land that DOESN’T understand that?  I doubt it.  But God showed himself strong to David.  Just as he did to Moses, Elijah, Peter, Paul and anyone else who would come to Him in faith.

Yes I’ve blown it.  Yes I’ve made horrible mistakes.  Yes I know it.  But how trite for me to limit God by not trusting him to be bigger than my sin, my bad attitudes, and any other issue of moment I might be dealing with.  Oh God forgive me!!!!!  And the good news is????

HE DOES FORGIVE!  It’s like the song I heard Don Fransico sing many years ago.  “HE’S ALIVE AND I’M FORGIVEN!!!!!!!!!!!”  YES!!!!!   To quote some of my favorite sports announcers:  HE’S AT THE 10, THE 5 TOUCHDOWN!!!!  HE SHOOTS HE SCOOOOORES!!!!!  THERE’S A LONG DRIVE TO LEFT FIELD … THAT BABY’S GONE!!!!!!!

DO YOU GET THE MESSAGE!!!!!  I’M FREE, MY SINS ARE FORGIVEN AND GOD IS NOT MAD AT ME OR ANYONE ELSE!!!!!

Merry Christmas to everyone and I am looking forward to trusting God in 2010!!!!!

In the Basement of my home there is darkness

Many years ago I started experiencing visions and dreams on a regular basis.  Of course everyone has dreams, but these dreams and visions seemed to be beyond the usual dream.  I shared one of them with Julia over the breakfast table one morning  (Suffice it to say, I no longer rely on Julia to interpret my dreams).  I then began to talk to Beverly and she put me in touch with a book that helped me to understand how God uses dreams.  I was beginning an adventure that has been exciting at times, strange at times and frightening at other times.

It was during that time the Lord began to deal with me about things that were buried in my basement so to speak.  All of our homes have a basement.  The author speaks of this as the Holy of Holies.  I don’t.  I call it the basement.

When Julia and I lived in Dayton, we had a neigbour about 3 or 4 doors down from us, that unknown to us or anyone else would use the basement of the apartment for storing his trash.  He would open the door to his basement and instead of throwing his trash out, would store it in his basement.  That worked ok for a while.  No one knew and even if you went to his home, you wouldn’t know it, because the door to the basement was shut.  But you can only store so much in the basement and finally he was caught.  What a mess!  How much easier if he had taken the time to walk over the the container and simply dumped the trash. But he didn’t do that.

I have done the same thing over the years.   I’ve stored stuff in the basement until finally, after 58 years, there is no more room in the basement.  It’s time to clean it out!  How much easier it would have been had I taken the time over the last 40 years to simply take the day’s trash, and throw it out, and start afresh.  But for some reason, I didn’t do that.  I started packing it in the basement.  I know now how wrong that was, but at the time, it seemed ok.  There was plenty of room down there and who would know anyway.

CS Lewis say’s in Mere Christianity:

Thus, in one sense. the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But in another sense it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. I can't.

I walk to the basement door with my daily load of garbage and trash.  I open it to throw the carefully wrapped and protected package of refuse down the stairs.  When it suddenly dawns on me that there is no more room.  No matter how hard I try to pack it in, there is no more room.  The basement is full.  I set down the day’s package and I sit quietly in front of a basement door that is open.  The carefully hidden rubbish of my life is staring me in the face.  The odor is appalling.  The sheer lunacy of packing away 40 years of garbage and waste in the basement of my house hits me full in the face.  I lower my head and start to weep.  I can’t do this anymore Lord, I can’t.  This is why I need a saviour!

Lord, my basement is full.  There is no more room.  It’s ugly down there Lord and I can’t make it better.  I don’t have the strength to clean it up.  I’m scared and I’m embarrassed and I’m tired Lord.  I’m tired of trying to hide all of this.  But I can’t clean it up, I don’t have the strength or the courage to do so.  Please Lord, clean this up for me.

The Pursuit of Relationship with God

Last week's lesson was a very hard hitting confession of sin written by an individual who has “been there, done that!” I know from our class discussion, we as a group could relate to the writer's cry of anguish. I know I could. Last week, the author spoke of a full and complete recognition of sin. He didn't sugar coat it in the slightest. One of the most important aspects of his poem was his acknowledgment where he admits:


“The lingering visions of what I've done haunt my soul, assault my heart, dominate my thoughts.”

I confess that I too have been in this exact position too many times. When you are there, it's so difficult to see God. I know at times like this, all I can see is my penchant to do evil. That's what makes this weeks lesson on relationship so important.

Many years ago, I heard a teaching on God's covenant with Abraham. In essence, God cut Abraham a deal that He knew Abraham couldn't keep. The keeping of the covenant was going to depend on God. Guess what? He did!

One thing that I have to carefully remind myself is that I dare not compare myself to others. If I do, I end up with something along the lines of “Well at least I didn't do that!” That type of attitude places me in a position where I go to God on the strength of my merit. My approach to God would be “God, here is what I did. I know it's bad, but it's not as bad as what Billy or Sue did.” Jesus described this type of person as a Pharisee. Someone who stands before God and says “Thank God I'm not like this sinner ...” while the sinner simply beats on his chest and cries out “Forgive me God!”

One thing I can do though, is to read the Bible and understand that it does not sugar coat anything. I get to read about Abraham the “Father of our Faith” and look at some of the bonehead stunts he pulled. Things I wouldn't have known if the Word hadn't told me about them. And then I read in Romans 4 the story of Abraham's greatest triumph and what the Bible says about him. If you read carefully, you will see that God has a rather high opinion of Mr. Abraham.

The subject of our study is Psalm 51, written by David. Clearly David is someone that made his share of mistakes and yet God has a pretty high opinion of this guy as well. Let's see, who else could we look at? Oh, how about Moses? I remember a story where he killed a guy. Any doubt in your mind what God thinks about Moses? And then there is Paul, Peter, Elijah, Rahab and on and on. I read in the Bible where people partner up with God and then fail, and sometimes in a rather spectacular fashion. Yet, God holds up both ends of the agreement.

I write this because I am reaching out to God and asking Him to help me learn about my relationship with Him. Too many times, I short change both God and myself because my eyes are focused on me and my failings. I have a very strong tendency to “degree” my sin's and then stand back and compare myself with Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer or whoever and then smugly feel, “well at least I didn't do that!”

Hebrew's tells us to look unto Jesus, the author and FINISHER of our faith. It is so trite to speak of “let go and let God” when someone is locked into a pattern of sin that they physically can't let go of. That person (ie: Andy) will then focus his eyes inward and miss the big picture. I need to rely on the relationship God established and trust Him. I have to understand that the relationship with God is based on His performance, not mine. I so desperately need that.

This last year has been a very trying year for me. Lofty goals and desires developed as a young man simply aren't going to happen. I accept that. It's part of “maturing” as both an adult and a Christian. However, I do think the one thing I have learned is this: There is NOTHING more important than understanding my relationship with God. It really doesn't matter what else I do or don't do, if I can focus my energies on God and what HE can do and not worry about what I can or can't do, then I believe I will begin to experience the peace of relationship that Paul and David talk about in their writings.

Oh Lord, please don't let me fall into the trap of comparison. Don't let me compare myself with anyone. I sin Lord. I sin often. I sin on purpose. I sin because I like it. It's easy to sin Lord, I'm good at it, a true professional. I come to you and ask simply that you take this mess I've created and let me experience your love towards me in such a way, it will fill those areas I try to fill with sin.