One door closes … one door opens

Today was our beloved pastor's last day as our official pastor. The service is nothing less than what I expected. Jerry spoke on "Remember These Things". He reminded us that we are Christ's ambassadors and that God has set apart Gateway and we would fulfill our mission. We sang some of Jerry's favorite hymns and songs and then He spoke of the fine man God has chosen to lead us into the future. Then I experienced one of the classiest acts I've ever seen in a church service. Jerry and Beverly and the kids walked around the church while Alex played and they shook hands and hugged everyone. The tears flowed so freely from everyone that I started a "Kleenex" committee (of course we are Methodists) and actually ran through two boxes. Jerry and Beverly hugged everyone and you could see the love everyone has for this Godly man and his most wonderful family. While I can't speak for anyone else, I can say this for me. I will always remember this day and the image of God's love and grace as this small congregation of believers and their beloved pastor said goodbye to each other. The emotion flows as I think of it even now. I stood in front of the church and watched as Beverly walked under the cross with her hands held high in praise to God as she left the building. My good friend and our former lay leader Joseph Slife closed in prayer reading most timely and appropriate scriptures with tears in his eyes. Saying goodbye is so difficult. A door has closed.


Next Sunday Joseph and Becky Dye will be in the pulpit. I am so excited. For just as God called Joshua to follow Moses, I believe God has called Joseph to follow Jerry. Just what the future holds, I don't know. I know as a congregation we prayed earnestly about the minis
try Joseph and Becky bring to our congregation. Saying hello is exciting. A door has opened.

Some thoughts on our class

A new day is upon us.  Gateway is entering a brand new phase of her life.  The same is true of our adult Sunday school class.   For the last year we’ve been working through Dr.  Paul Tripp’s book on Psalm 51, “Whiter Than Snow”.  This class has been a joy for me.  Of the 50 lesson’s I’ve been through, I probably hated 15 of them.  There were 15 or 20 I had no opinion on and 15 I really liked.  This is probably not much different than any other book I would have read during that time.  However I do have a few thoughts on the class and for Julia and I, a surprise ending!

One of the things I’ve enjoyed about the class is the open exchange of ideas and personal experiences.  The class has followed in the tradition established by Peggy Jo and Frieda.  A tradition of honesty and openness.  Tom’s leadership of this class has been honest and open and with Tom’s own brand of teaching skill’s displayed weekly.  I want to thank him for his faithfulness over the last year in leading our class.

There have been moments of great levity in class.  Many of those moments seem to be traced back to Leland for some reason.  Leland  brings to the class the critical eye of a communications professional along with a marvelous sense of humor.  I smile as I write this thinking of some of his comments.  Thanks Leland for your help in spicing up the class!

Evelyn brings to class the wisdom of years of following Christ.  Her insights and prayers were so refreshing.   Thanks Evelyn.

Each week I would look forward to Gene and Marion’s contributions.  Again, wisdom and experience personified.  Their lightness and sharp commentary have given me pause for deep thought on more than one occasion. 

As our elder statesman, Roque keeps us on our toes.  One of the things I like about Roque is he simply throws it out there and lets us deal with his comments and ideas.  He brings perfect blend of wisdom, humor and a life long perspective that have added to the class a wealth of knowledge.  Thanks Roque!

One of the more memorable classes was the time Hope and Missy shared about their efforts to save their good friend David from the electric chair.  I can close my eyes and see again as I sat there transfixed on Hope as she bared her soul to us with pain and anguish over her mistakes in life and her and Missy’s efforts to fight for David’s life.  Then the joy of victory as 2 hours before his execution, he was spared.  Thank you Lord Jesus and thank you Hope and Missy!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Beverly’s contributions to the class.  Her insights are special to me.  Her ability in hearing God in dreams and her writing skills have added to the class innumerable times.  I get tickled as I sit here thinking about the times Leland has spoken on a given subject and I watch as Beverly watches him with a sparkle in her eye and a big grin on her face as she waits until he’s done and then laughs out loud or adds to the mix some witty insight or some deep truth.  Her voice will be missed in our class as she and Jerry move on to the  next phase of their life in Christ!  Thanks a million Bev!

Lest I forget any one person, I thank  everyone in class for their faithful attendance  and the contributions each has made.  Cynthia reading her letter to God was special.  Claire’s comments and freshness of heart have been  greatly appreciated.  I guess I just  say, thanks to everyone in class!

One last note I wanted to share that truly caught Julia and I off guard yesterday.  We are on vacation in Hilton Head and for the last 20 years, we’ve been coming to one particular church on the island, Central Church lead by Pastor Michael Carr.  Michael knows who we are even though we only come to his Church once a year in June.  Yet we have come to think of Central Church as a place we belong.  Michael Carr is a great speaker and teacher and in Julia’s and my life, he is one of the three best speaker and teacher’s we’ve had.  We’ve been so blessed to have had Richard Exley, Jerry Varnado and Michael Carr as men we can call Pastor’s and friends.   As Julia and I were coming down to the island, just before I was pulled over by a Rockland police officer for speeding, I was contemplating the changes upcoming in our life at church.  I was thinking to the Lord that I would love to have Michael Carr pray for Jerry and Bev and for Gateway.  I know how the services go, and they don’t have a time in prayer at the front of the church as we do at Gateway, but I was just thinking how good it would be if Michael could pray for us.  Now in the last 20 years, I’ve never run into Michael at any time any place other than the church.  Saturday night Julia and I were walking on the beach and she stops and say’s “There is Pastor Carr”.  Sure enough Michael was there and he took time to hear our request.  He shared his insights with us and promised he would pray with us Sunday morning.  He did exactly as he promised and as he prayed for us, there was a tremendous sense of God’s presence and power.

But the most interesting part of the service was Michael’s sermon.   He is doing a series on Living on the Edge and he spoke on the Marriage of Michal and David in 1st Samuel 18.  He gave us a perspective on David I had not heard before.  He spoke of the problems David encountered with Bathsheeba were a direct result of the breakdown in communications in his marriage with Michal.  Julia and I were both impressed with the sermon, and with the passion it was delivered and the truth it held.  I will make sure the link to this sermon is available to everyone as soon as it is posted.  It will give you a perspective on Psalm 51 that I had not seen until yesterday.  In my opinion, this is the perfect ending to a wonderful Bible study!

And now, in the words of the great American Hero, Buzz Lightyear, “To infinity and beyond!!!!”

A change in focus

Joshua 1:1-7 Net Bible

After Moses the Lord’s servant died, the Lord said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ assistant: “Moses my servant is dead. Get ready! Cross the Jordan River!  Lead these people into the land which I am ready to hand over to them. I am handing over to you every place you set foot, as I promised Moses. Your territory will extend from the wilderness in the south to Lebanon in the north. It will extend all the way to the great River Euphrates in the east (including all of Syria) and all the way to the Mediterranean Sea in the west.

Gateway is undergoing a change in leadership.  We have been lead by a dynamic man of God for 25 years.  Now we have a new leader, Pastor Joseph and Becky Dye.  Friday night June 4th the PPR committee met with them at Alton and Frieda's home.  The Holy Spirit showed up big time!  Joseph and Becky shared their hopes and dreams and members of the committee shared with them their thoughts.  It is truly and answer to prayer about how they were chosen for the job and I will let Joseph share that publicly.  It’s just a marvelous “God thing”.

We prayed for the church.  We prayed for Jerry and Beverly as they also enter uncharted waters.  It’s exciting and yet its sad.  We’ve never done this before.  Yet we enter with confidence in the future knowing that God is in control of the life of our congregation, Joseph and Becky and their family as well as Jerry and Beverly and their family.

I must admit to a severe case of cognitive dissonance.  I walked today, listening to music and talking to God about everything going on at Gateway.  I am thrilled beyond words at what I sense is in the future for us.  I am scared because my good friend and pastor will be doing something else.  I’m excited about Joseph and Becky.  They are such a great fit for us at Gateway.  (He even seems to get along ok with Tom).  I am scared because Jerry doesn’t have a job.  Is it possible to have elation and despair at the same time?  Yes it is!  As I was walking I sensed the Lord walking with me and starting to show me some things.

Alton mentioned to me as we were leaving Friday that this seemed like God handing the ball off to Joshua.  As I thought about that I believe the Lord confirmed that.  God is very proud of Jerry and the work he’s done at Gateway.  I believe Jerry is the only man that could have lead this church through the rough and stormy waters we’ve been through.  It’s not about size and numbers.  Quite the opposite, it is about loyalty and obedience.  Jerry has been loyal and obedient.  But now as a church we must change focus.  We must move out of the survival mode into the taking the land promised to us mode.  Joseph is the man God has chosen to take this church into the promised land.  It’s as if God is saying to Joseph:

“Jerry my servant is gone, now therefore you go and lead this church to take the land I promised to them.  Be strong and courageous, and do not be afraid.  I repeat, be strong and brave! Don’t be afraid and don’t panic, for I, the Lord your God, am with you in all you do.”

I write this with the conviction that we need to do what Joshua told the people, “Prepare your supplies, for within three days you will cross the Jordan River and begin the conquest of the land the Lord your God is ready to hand over to you.”  That means Athens and the surrounding communities.

Get ready Gateway!  There are going to be times when we will be tempted to be afraid and will need courage.  We will need to hang on to God and each other, but we are ready to conquer the land.

Lord: Thank you for your faithfulness.  Thank you for sending us Joseph and Becky and their family.  Thank you for taking care of Jerry and Beverly and Aaron and Bethany.  Give us all strength and courage to get through the next three weeks.  Give Joseph and Becky the wisdom to say what you want them to say as they prepare to come to Gateway.  Give Jerry and Beverly courage and faith to know you will take care of all their needs according to your riches in glory in Christ Jesus!

Our new pastor Joseph Dye …

Yesterday Julia and I had the pleasure of having lunch with our new Pastor, Joseph Dye.      He is going to be meeting with the PPR committee on June 4th and I will be unable to attend, so we decided a lunch ahead of time would be appropriate.
What a joyful time we had.  He spoke of his desires and the issues he’s had to deal with in his pastoral experience.  Julia and I sat and listened with great attention.  Our security TEAM Cookie and Oreo were on him like a duck on a June bug to make sure he didn’t carry any weapons or (which is far more likely) to see if he had a treat for them.  They liked him immediately.  We shared ideas and hopes and dreams for what Gateway has in store for us.
Julia and I spent a bit of time sharing with him some of our time at Gateway and some of our experiences.  We didn’t spend much time at all on the past, but the future.  Joseph has a heart of the things of Jesus.  He wants to reach those who so desperately need to hear of Jesus.  I told him the good folks of Gateway want the same things.
I told him I am the Lay Leader, but that I was resigning my position and recommending Missy as the new Lay Leader for Gateway.  Gateway needs new leadership and I am part of the old leadership.  He needs someone who has fresh ideas and lots of energy.  I told him Missy is the right person for the job.  She will be a great asset to him.  I explained that I am not leaving Gateway, only stepping aside to support new leadership.  Missy will do well in this role.
Julia and I are excited about the future.  We prayed as a church and asked God to send us the right man for the job.  The man God wanted here.  The man God was going to use to lead Gateway into the future and to be all we can be as a church.  God sent us Pastor Joseph Dye.  I am so thankful He did.                                   
Lord Jesus: We are on a new path Lord.  It’s exciting, it’s a bit un-nerving because it is new.  Help us to walk in faith.  Help us to support each other as we plow new ground together.  Help us support pastor Joseph and Becky as they too are taking steps of great faith.  They don’t have insurance and they don’t have pension benefits yet.  Please take care of them and help us to grow so we can support him and his family full time as soon as possible.  Help us to reach the Athens community with your love and good news.  Help us to be the expression of your body in Athens that you want us to be.  Thank you for our new pastor and his wonderful family.

The sermon on the mount – week 43

The last couple of weeks have been very busy. Issues at work are becoming more and more intense. I can’t seem to place them in the proper perspective. Gateway is undergoing monumental changes. Our family has had two surgeries and (to put it bluntly) I’m a bit frazzled. Blogging has not been on my radar screen. This week, I’m back however.

I couldn’t disagree with Dr. Tripp any more than I do this week.

”You and I will only ever be holy by God’s definition if we put the moral fences where God puts them.”

“… A lustful heart craves the actual experience and will only be satisfied when it experiences the thing for which it lusts.”

Let’s deal with the fence issue. As soon as you attempt to put a fence around your heart for any reason two things happen (at least they did to me). The first thing is my heart starts to sing “don’t fence me in ….” Then I notice the fence isn’t secure enough and so I start to add to it and before you know it, my fence is a wall. Wall’s get me in trouble. I don’t’ want walls anymore. I’m doing everything I can at this point in my life to remove my walls, not start them under a different name. If I have a problem with a particular behavior, setting limits on the behavior doesn’t work for me and I’ve been to enough 12 step meetings to know it doesn’t work for anyone else either. At least it doesn’t work as the hedge everyone hopes it will. Clearly boundaries need to be set in our lives; I’m not saying they shouldn’t be. What I am saying is setting a boundary won’t stop the problem.

The second thing there is nothing in my experience or anything I’ve ever read that gives me the slightest confidence of ever being satisfied with anything lustful. I speak from a vast array of experiences on this subject. I’m what they call a “SME” (subject matter expert). It simply doesn’t work that way. Before we go farther on this subject, I would like to deal with the definition of the word lust as I was taught it. Lust is pressure on the five physical senses. While it certainly could be sexual in nature (what most people think of) it can apply to other areas as well. That is the working definition I use.

One final thought on this week. I don’t think there is any evidence that fencing your heart works as Dr. Tripp seems to be describing it. You have to win the battle of the mind. That is where the action is, in your mind. Romans 8:5-6 places great emphasis on this.

For those who are according to the flesh {and} are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on {and} pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit {and} are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on {and} seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit. Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].

This is Waterloo, Stalingrad, Gettysburg and D-Day all wrapped up in one. All the chips lay on this. If you can win the battle of the mind, you can win the day to day battles. I call this process “Blue Water Theology”. If you have a glass of blue water and you want it to become clear, you have to pour in enough clear water so that over time, the blue water fades and becomes less and less dominating. That’s the only way you can over come it. Of course, if you keep filling the glass with blue water, then it becomes bluer and never really has a chance to clear up.

Lord: Please help me to focus my mind and thoughts on your thoughts. Help me to become aware of evil as I contemplate it and to reject as soon as I recognize it.

Whiter than Snow – Grace and a clean heart

This week’s reading hits on the primary question I’ve been dealing with over the last nine years, my heart. I’ve had a heart problem for far longer than that, but only in the last nine years have I been aware of it. Psalm 139 speaks to the issue:

Psalm 139:23-24 (The Message) Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.

This is an open ended invitation from David to God to tell him what God already knows, the condition of David’s heart. I did as David did and this same prayer came out of my lips as an open invitation to God to show me where my heart was off center. At the time, I had no clue there was a problem. There was though and the last nine years of my life have been a difficult journey to learn what God already knew. This has been a good journey although it has not always been smooth!

Fast-forward to today. After nine years on “heart highway”, what does the view look like? Well it isn’t a full field of wheat. Yet it's not a moonscape either. I’m thinking it doesn’t look like a field at all. Perhaps that’s one of the error’s I’ve made along the way is to look at my heart like a field. I’m from Indiana and when you say field, I get a specific picture in my mind. The problem with my picture is my heart isn’t like that. The cornfields I am thinking of were consistent throughout. There was always seasonal growth, but the entire field was in the same stage of growth. The corn may not be fully mature, but every stalk in the field was in the same stage of growth. Not so with my heart. My heart is a field of pockets of growth. Some pockets are fully mature and others are a mass of weeds. Other pockets are in some recognizable stage of growth while some are unrecognizable. Such is the view of my heart today.

The primary question that arises for me is simple. What happens to your heart when you become a Christian?

Second Corinthians 5:17 (ESV) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

What is Paul talking about? My heart isn’t new, its not the same as it was, but it’s not new either and neither has the old passed away as we can all testify to. It stubbornly hangs around and makes life miserable at times. At times I win, at times I lose and at times I take a “Walk” and get a free pass. I understand the new creation. I have experienced that. What about my heart? Why is the garbage still there? Has there been something I should have done but didn’t do? What is the deal here?

I don’t know the answer to the question or I would tell you. I have experienced growth in my life and changes. Yet when I see what’s left I cringe.

As the old hymn states: My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus and HIS righteousness! I don’t know the answer to the question and may never know. That’s ok … (I think).

Lord: When I see what’s left to be done, don’t let me fall into despair but to trust in you and your Word trusting only in your righteousness.

Heart of Stone

The subject of a hard heart is one I know about. The heart of stone is something I’ve struggled with all of my adult life. How does one go about breaking down a heart of stone?

In 1998 Benji Clark Mallory spoke at our church and gave everyone in the congregation a specific word from the Lord. It was a one in a lifetime experience for me. Here was a women I knew nothing about. She stood in front of me, looked me in the eye and began to “read my mail”. She spoke as if she had known me all my life. One of the things she spoke of was a hard heart. “God has given you a caring heart. You are compassionate and loving.” While Benji spoke of other things, this one thing has been a focal point for me over the years.

How does a heart of stone manifest itself in a person? In my case it was several areas. One area was for those who were less fortunate than I was. I would give money to causes but I had a rather superior attitude towards those who were unable to do the things I could do. This was especially true with homeless people. I had no use for people who would hold signs that say “will work for food.” They wouldn’t work for food, I tried to get them jobs but they wouldn’t take them. So I blew them off whenever they approached me.

A hard heart is an attitude that permeates everything you do. There is no compassion at work. If you were assigned a task and failed, you failed. There is no gray area. You either did or you didn’t. There were no excuses. Sports was the same way. You either won or you didn’t. There is no gray area. I took this attitude into my personal relationships. I had no tolerance for people and their foibles. I was not a nice person. I have no clue how or why my wife has stayed with me for as long as she has. As I look back, I was an intolerant person that was a bear to be around most of the time.

People that struggled with addictions was another place I was very critical. Personal relationships was another sore point for me. I was always ready to blow people off at a drop of the hat. “Well get over it” I would say when people had a problem they couldn’t deal with.

One area that was particularly difficult for me was children. I had no use for them. I didn’t like them, want them or want to be around them. I had no use for children. The where and why’s of this particular issue are being dealt with even as we speak (thank God for Angel Davis). Let’s just say my hard heart had no place for children.

I don’t know when I noticed a personal change. Benji announced it to the world before I knew anything about it. I guess it was like God calling things that are not as though they are. I think it began with a young girl I met at church. She took a liking to me. I suppose she was 10 or somewhere in that age range. She actually seemed to like me. At any rate, I guess you could say I was “smitten” by this little girl. I spent time at church with her and even began going to church functions with her. Then one day, poof she was gone and that was the end of the relationship. I didn’t let on like it was a big deal, but it was. I began to feel things I certainly never felt before. Old habits die hard though and I quickly shut the door of my heart again.

Then the Lord brought my sister into my life. More chunks of the hard heart began to fall off. I think the real turning point for me though was the day in Sunday school I met Michelle and Red Headed Becky!!!! Michelle didn’t stay around as long as Becky did but the impact she had on my life was unbelievable. Michelle came from a more “liberal” persuasion than I did. She made some comments in class that intrigued me. I asked her about it after class and she told me to read a book “Blue Like Jazz”. I did and it changed my life. I began to question many of my long held, hard right political beliefs. I began to see things differently. I saw that God didn’t necessarily run ideas by the GOP or Rush Limbaugh before he implemented them.

President Obama's election was another major turning point for me. I was sitting at the counter in the lobby of the Hilton Garden Inn in Gulfport watching the TV. CNN was on and there was a lady there who was shall we say “toasting” the democratic victory. I engaged her in conversation when I mentioned to her I was a conservative. Her whole attitude changed and in a flash I saw that I needed to quit with the political identification. I am conservative and I vote conservative but I no longer wear the political mantle of conservative GOP. I found out it is too divisive

I take Benji at her word. I do have a caring and compassionate heart. It’s just taken time to manifest itself.

Lord: If there is any of your tribe that needs a heart of compassion, it’s me. Help me to be like Jesus. When there are times I don’t see things properly, provide me another Michelle that can put me on the right track!

Wisdom in the secret heart

Psalm 51:6 NASB: Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

If you take a look at the Hebrew definitions from Strong’s you get the following definitions: firmness, faithfulness, truth; sureness, reliability; stability, continuance; faithfulness, reliableness; truth; as spoken; of testimony and judgment; of divine instruction; truth as a body of ethical or religious knowledge; true doctrine.

Had I read this and thought about this particular verse a few years ago I would have thought that God was looking at my heart and hoping He would find truth there.

Today, I don’t think that. I believe God is coming to me and telling me He wants to put truth in my inner heart. He desires that my heart have truth inserted into it, because my heart is full of anything but truth.

We know from this psalm and other scriptures that the human heart is capable of anything. I read the other day of a young woman in New York who adopted a foreign child. She was a good woman and so badly wanted to be a mother. The adoption was difficult and one day she snapped and beat the two year old badly. The next day, she died. The mother who’s hopes and dreams were so high is now serving 25 years in prison for this crime. After things had settled down, and people were able to talk about it, no one had any idea how such a nice person with such high hopes and potential could do such a horrible thing.

The Bible knows. The Scriptures go to great lengths to explain to us this very situation and the cure. The cure is to pour the water of God’s word into your heart. People don’t take this seriously. I have dabbled at it for years but only in the last year have I begun to understand the impact of God’s Word. There is nothing else I can do that will have the impact on my life that pouring God’s Word into my heart will have.

Jesus ministered to two women in the Gospel of John. In John 4 there is the woman at the well. In John 8 is the story of the woman caught in adultery. Both women were caught in virtually the same problem. Jesus spoke extensively with the woman at the well. He told her about rivers of living water in the human heart. The other woman was not condemned but simply told “go and sin no more”. We are told the woman at the well went and came back. The other woman simply left. I wonder if “go and sin no more” was enough for her? I think the first woman caught on to the program by asking “where can I get this water”. I don’t know that the second woman received the same type of revelation. I hope so, but I don’t know that she did.

The key to all three situations is pouring the water into your heart. David and both women in John needed to have truth in their hearts. The only way to get it is through the word. There is no other way.

Lord: Help me to not look at the desperate situation of my heart, but let me be like the woman at the well whose sin was great yet so desired for the water that would be rivers of living water in her soul. I want to spend time in your word and receive secret instruction in my heart Lord.

A broken heart

I am afraid of a broken heart.  A broken heart as I see it defined in verse 17 is scary to me.  Here is a sample of the Hebrew meaning as given by Strong's concordance:

to break, break in pieces; break, break in or down, rend violently, wreck, crush, quench; to break, rupture'; to be broken, be maimed, be crippled, be wrecked; to be broken, be crushed; to shatter, break; to cause to break out, bring to the birth; to be broken, be shattered .

Contrite on the other hand means:

caused by or showing sincere remorse; filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement; penitent: a contrite sinner.

I can relate to contrite.  I can't relate to broken heart.  Yet it appears from the psalm that God requires both.  It's not an either or proposition.  You must be contrite and have a broken heart.

I've thought about that for quite a while.  I've thought about times my heart was broken and crushed.  I've thought about the pain that experience brought to my life.  There was nothing about any of it that was good.  Yet we have God's word in Romans 8 that He will bring something good out of it.  I have His word in verse 17 that he requires it of me.

So  here I sit.  I don't know what to do.  My heart has been sufficiently insulated from the breath of life for so long, it's difficult to imagine anything else.  Yet in the last year, I've begun the process of opening my heart to experience the full range of emotions God has gifted us with.  There are times I think I'm making progress.  There are other times I am regressing.  There are times I'm doing nothing.  The overall direction is good and I'm not seeing the same scenery all the time, so I know I'm not going in circles!  But this broken heart thing ... I don't know about that.

Lord:  I don't know what to do with this broken heart thing.  I don't know how to communicate what I feel at the deepest level about the things that are important.  Please help me!

What does it have to do with me?

As I read this weeks lesson, I must confess, I didn't like it.  At least I didn't like it the first couple of times I read it.  Then I prayed "Lord what is there in here for me to see?".  Then I read it again.  There was no epiphany but I did see me in the lesson.  I saw someone looking for hope in difficult times.  I saw someone looking for friendship.  I saw someone dealing with sin and looking for a way out.  So I guess you could say without a doubt, I saw me in the story.

As I thought about Jesus as depicted in this short writing, I wanted to focus in on the single most significant event in His life that I could reach out and hold on to.  It wasn't the storm stories.  It wasn't the miraculous feedings.  It wasn't any of the healing stories.  It is the story of Jairus in Mark 5.  The New Living Translation tells us that Jairus went to Jesus out of desperation:  ... pleading with him to heal his little daughter. "She is about to die," he said in desperation. "Please come and place your hands on her; heal her so she can live."

Somehow (for me at least) everything about living and walking with Jesus is in this story.  This little story runs the gamut of emotions you will face in whatever desperate situation you find yourself.  He's facing the loss of his loved one, Jesus delay's in coming.  The loved one dies and so the emotion of dealing with that knowledge is hammering away at him.  All hope is gone.  He suffers in silence.  Jesus tells him to believe and yet nothing around him provides any hope.  She's dead, the family is wailing and crying in uncontrollable grief.  Then the cynical laughter.  They all laughed at him KNOWING she was dead.  Then the unbelievable Joy of an undeserved gift of grace from God.

I have recently been attending a local 12 step recovery group.  Angel suggested it would be good for me to attend so I can see and hear others stories of struggle and redemption.  I've attended three meetings and I've heard of a wonderful God that is working with people in desperate situations.  People reaching out to God for help and he answers.  I see smiles and struggles.  I see hope and silence.  There have been as many as 35 and as few as 14 that have attended.  I have not spoken, but have listened.  My purpose was to listen and learn, not talk.  So I have listened.  When I reflect on the three meetings I've attended, I can see in the room I'm in the stories written on the pages of this week's lesson.  If Jesus were physically present, He would have been right in the middle of this group and they would have responded to Him with unbridled joy and laughter and He would have enjoyed being there.  He would have looked around the room and those there would have had hope.

Yesterday Julia came home from Krogers and came to tell me of her encounter with "Cheeseburger" and his owner.  She told of seeing him when she came out of Krogers.  She stopped to talk to him and Cheeseburger wagged his tail and came over to her right away.  Julia spoke of how her heart ached for them.  She went inside to purchase some treats to give to Cheeseburger.  When she came out though, he was gone.  She told me with tears in her eyes that she so wanted to find them.  She prayed and asked God to help her find them.  She drove around and did find them.  When she came up with the treats, the man said with a big smile on his face, "Cheeseburger, look what you are getting!"  Of course Cheeseburger was happy and so was Julia.  He asked her to remember them in prayer.  (The owner, not "Cheeseburger")

I saw "Cheeseburger" and his owner in the this weeks lesson.  I saw Julia in this weeks lesson.  I see Andy in this weeks lesson.  I see my need for a heart that is touched by the needs of others.  I saw Jesus in Julia as he reached out to a homeless man and his dog.  I saw Jesus as he wept for them standing in my living room with tears running down his cheeks.

So, what does it have to do with me?  Everything!

Lord:  I pray for "Cheeseburger" and his owner.  Provide for them their needs for today.  Provide for him a warm bed and good hot food for today.  Protect them from evil and send more people like Julia to touch them for you.  Help me to learn of you Lord through those you send in my path.  Forgive me for hardness of heart Lord.  I don't want to be that way!

Enough already ….

The dictionary definition of enough is:  "as much or as many as necessary, desirable, or tolerable; sufficient".

This week the author talks about enough.  What is enough?  In my book, there are two uses for the word:

The first usage is:  I've had enough.  Don't want no more, nada,  nyet,  nine .... nuff  is nuff.  When used in this manner, I think of politics.  I've had enough.
The second usage is:  I can't get enough.  I want more.  I don't need more, but I want more.  When used in this manner, I think of Cynthia's  pork roast at the church dinners.

When I apply this to David I can see both usages very clearly.  I don't know what David thought  of but I'm going to jump into  his shoes for a moment and place myself  in his situation and tell you what I see.

I've had enough guilt.  I can't take any more.

I've had  enough lying and deceit.  I've killed a man to  cover up my crime.  Not  good Andy.   I've had enough.

I've  had enough sex.  A man can only do so  much.  Why is this such an issue?  I can have as many women as I want when I want  them.  It isn't working though.  Why?  Enough already.

I've had enough of feeling like dirt.  I hate feeling like dirt, but I do.

As I think about his situation these are the  thoughts I believe I would struggle with.  However, David does something I haven't done and quite frankly have trouble doing.  David goes to God WITH CONFIDENCE.  I go to God, but not with the confidence David does.  Listen to what He says in Psalm 27:5-8:

He will surely give me shelter in the day of danger; he will hide me in his home; he will place me on an inaccessible rocky summit.  Now I will triumph over my enemies who surround me!  I will offer sacrifices in his dwelling place and shout for joy!  I will sing praises to the Lord!  Hear me, O Lord, when I cry out!  Have mercy on me and answer me!  My heart tells me to pray to you, and I do pray to you, O Lord.

I tend to give up where David pressed on.  Hebrews 10:39 in the Message:  But we're not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We'll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way.  God said David was a man after his own heart.  Perhaps that was because David didn't quit, not because he got it right all the time.

Lord:  I'm right up there with David.  "I am the Man".  Help  me to turn to you for help  in a time of trouble.   Help me to trust in what you've done not what I have or haven't done.  I've had enough running and being scared of you.  I haven't had enough of your grace, love and mercy.  Help me to press on when I don't want to.  Help me Lord to walk with you when it looks like I can't go on.

Building Walls ….

I am in the middle of a difficult business trip.  I am working and training with a new colleague that will be taking over the western region.  I haven't had as much time as I wanted to read and think through the weeks lesson.  But the lesson this week is on walls.  Actually the subject is building walls.

Walls can do several things for you.

1. It can keep people out, providing protection from your enemies.
2. It can keep you in, trapping you in a prison.
3. It can integrate into your life as a part of the living structure you occupy providing support, protection and beauty if it is built properly.

When I think of Psalm 51 and the story of David and Bathsheba, I don't usually think of walls.  I think of open spaces, places where there were no walls.  Bathsheba wasn't behind a wall or David wouldn't have seen her.  David wasn't behind a wall or he wouldn't have known she was bathing.  Yet it's clear a wall developed that blocked David from seeing the impact of what he was doing on his relationship to God and others.

I started thinking about the walls I've built in my life.  With the wisdom my years provide me, I picture myself sitting in a courtyard looking around and seeing the edifices of my life and taking stock of the situation.  Some of the walls were built as a young man when it was necessary to try to protect myself from those trying to hurt me, or at least those I perceived as trying to hurt me.  These walls are ugly, not well constructed and they don't need to be there.  They need to come down, at least what is left of them.  They're not as tall as they used to be and they really don't serve any useful function because they couldn't keep a rabbit out of the courtyard of my life.  But still, the remnants of those walls are there, scaring the landscape of my life.

Then as I take a further look, I see walls I've intentionally built over the  years that were part of the same mindset I had as a youth.  These were walls I built to keep people away from seeing the courtyard of my life.  When I look at these walls, the first thing I notice is there is no symmetry to them.  They are not well thought out,  being built with no thought of the total structure of my home.  They're just random walls.  How ugly!  These puppies must go!!!!!

So  as I sit in my courtyard looking around, I notice the sun is high in the sky, well past noon.  If I don't get these walls taken care of,  it will be dark soon and I won't have a chance to rebuild a useful and beautiful structure.  I smile as I think of the work ahead.  I want to build a beautiful structure so when I'm gone, and people look at it, they will enjoy what they saw.  But it's obvious from the efforts I've put forth to  build what I have, that I don't know squat about building walls!  I'm going to need help.

As I think about this further, I remember that someone told me about a carpenter that is really good at building beautiful structures.  Now what was His name?????

What do you fear?

This is a good question.   No, it is a GREAT question.  What do you fear the most.  I think Dr. Tripp tripped up at the start of this weeks lesson.  In response to David's request to "take not thy Holy Spirit from me" Dr. Tripp makes this comment:

This  should be our greatest fear in all of life, but is it?

Jesus tells me in the gospel of John: 14:16- And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--.  Clearly I'm not going to lose the Holy Spirit, so what ever issues I am concerned about, that isn't one of them.

But it's an honest question.  What am I afraid of?  Is there some deep dark secret in my life I'm afraid of exposure?  Is there something that could happen that hasn't happened I worry about?  Is there something personal I worry about, something that would affect only me?  Is there some national or global disaster I am worried about that keeps me awake at night?  Or is it something that may happen to someone I love?

Well all of these are certainly possibilities.  Bad things happened to me years ago and the memories nip at my heels like a rabid dog.  The pressures on me professionally seem to grow exponentially and my superiors put more and more on daily with no relief in sight.  Terrorism, financial meltdown, poor political leadership are national concerns of every American, not just me.  Global disaster seems imminent if you listen to the pundits.

Well lets look at some strategies to deal with these specific fears.

Fears of the past

In 2009 I started to see a good Christian counselor on a regular basis.  She has been instrumental in helping me deal with the little dog nipping at my heels.  She pointed out that Philippians 3:13-14 is instrumental to dealing with fears of the past: " ... forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead ...".  I've known this scripture for my entire Christian life.  I just didn't apply the way Angel told me to.  I've always looked at it as a call to simply ignore (forget) the  past.   I was using this scripture to avoid the problem, by hoping it would go away.  I would beat myself over the head because I did some particular thing.  Angel said to not do that.  You forget it because God has forgiven all of your sins.  You are free to forget the  past, because you don't have to beat yourself over the head any more.  Each day is a new start, a fresh beginning.  It doesn't matter what you or anyone else did to you or what you did yesterday, you have a fresh start available to you today because of what Jesus did for you.

Professional Pressure

Pharaoh told his work supervisors to make the Israelites get their own straw and yet keep their daily quota's the same.  This type of work policy didn't work then, and it doesn't work now.  Yet many of us have to work under bosses who think like Pharaoh.  For me, this situation leads to sleepless nights, early mornings and a short temper with Julia.  How do I operate in a professional work environment, honor God and not worry about how I do my job?

Psalm 127:2 states:  It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.

If you believe God is a God who is interested in every one of your issues, then beating this type of situation will require faith.  That will mean taking steps where you don't have physical proof what you are doing will benefit you.  For example, I may have a budget deadline given to me on Friday that will take more than a day to complete.   It is due Monday morning.  What do you do?  Do you work all day Saturday to get it done?  Do you skip Church on Sunday to do it?  Do you do what you can on Friday and then enjoy the weekend, and let Monday happen?  Well there are certainly times when you may need to work on the weekends.  In my case, though it has been a habit that has robbed me of my peace and made me a slave to my job.  I've missed important meetings at Church because of this.  I've left Julia sitting in another room by herself or avoided doing things with her because of some demand at work.  I'm no longer going to do that.  I'm going to trust God to fill in the blanks where I can't and if there is some project that doesn't get done because I don't have enough straw, well then, it won't get done.  I'm going to start walking with God at work and rely on Him.  I have the mind of Christ, the Holy Spirit and 40 years of professional expertise at my disposal.  If I can't get it done with this type of help, then it doesn't need to be done!

National and Global disasters.

God wants us to be good stewards of the earth.  That was the original job description given to Adam.  However, if you listen to TV or read the news paper or surf the net, you will hear we are facing the most calamitous time in the earth's history and they claim it's mostly my fault!  Listen to talk radio and you will discover there is a vast conspiracy to do evil in the government.  Listen to the evening news and you will discover there is nothing good happening anywhere and "experts fear the worst in (name the industry) over the coming year".

I have a simple answer to this one.  One I started putting into practice the first Wednesday in November 2008.  I quit reading the paper, I turned off the news and talk radio and I pray for the president.  My prayers for the president go something like this:

Lord:  I don't agree with any of the policies of Mr.. Obama.   I do however like the guy and I ask you to guide him in making decisions you want him to make.  Provide him counselors that are wise and godly and give him a good sense of humor.

Beyond that, I can't do anything else that would be more effective. 

Oh one thing I do now that really helps me calm down and not be so anxious is I listen to lots of classical music!  I find Bach, Mozart and Vivaldi do more for my peace of mind than worrying about something I have no control over.

Lord:  Dealing with fear is something I don't do well.  Help me to trust you when I know I should, but I am afraid to.  Please forgive me for not trusting you as you've asked me to.

The day to day grind …

This week's lesson is unusual for me.  I don't disagree with Dr. Tripp!  In fact I really like his approach.  We do live right in the middle of God's redemptive story.  Every day we walk a fine line between our faith and the reality of the world we live in.  I picture myself walking on a high wire with a pole being used for balance.  On my left is my faith.  On the right is the day to day responsibility I have.  My job is to get to the end of the wire using this pole to help me "walk the wire".  At times I have to stop and catch my breath and I have to use the pole to help me stay steady, but always, heading forwards.

One thing this approach helps me to do is to focus on what is important.  In Philippians Paul speaks of forgetting what's behind and moving forward.  You have to do that while walking the wire, or you will fall.  You have to concentrate on what's ahead.  You have to concentrate on the exact next step.

Hebrews gives us the Biblical definition of faith:  NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see {and} the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].

I love this verse. It is packed with information that is vital to the processing of today.  Walking the wire and maintaining your balance requires faith.  As I take stock of my daily walk, I can use this scripture to help me keep going, especially when I can't see very far ahead!

Dr. Tripp points out that the Holy Spirit David prays for has already been given to us.  I think we need to look at this in more depth.  What is the Holy Spirit's mission?

John 14:16-17 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever-- The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know {and} recognize Him. But you know {and} recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.

John 14:26 But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.

John 16:7 However, I am telling you nothing but the truth when I say it is profitable (good, expedient, advantageous) for you that I go away. Because if I do not go away, the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you [into close fellowship with you]; but if I go away, I will send Him to you [to be in close fellowship with you].

I'm not sure we can quite get our arms around this.  God's Spirit lives INSIDE of me and He's here to help me.  That boggles my mind.  I wonder if I truly believe this.  At times I certainly don't act like it.  Other times, I sense God's presence and wonder how I could ever doubt it.  I must admit, while it's much easier to operate when I can sense God's presence so well, it is much more important for me to understand God is still there with me when I'm in over my head in whatever the crisis of the moment is.  At those times, I remember Elijah standing at the mouth of the cave in 1st Kings 19.  The lesson there is to look for the small voice in the middle of it all.

At the end of WWII, there were Japanese soldiers that held out long after the war was over.  That is the situation we are facing with Satan and his henchmen.  The war is over, but the mop up operations aren't completed yet.  The rogue is still on the loose and for a time, causes us great difficulty.   We must remember that we have God's spirit living inside us to comfort, guide and counsel us.

Lord:  Thanks for your day to day guidance, comfort and leadership.  As we walk through each day, help us to grow in faith and when we can't sense your closeness, let us rely on your word and our faith.