This week’s reading hits on the primary question I’ve been dealing with over the last nine years, my heart. I’ve had a heart problem for far longer than that, but only in the last nine years have I been aware of it. Psalm 139 speaks to the issue:
Psalm 139:23-24 (The Message) Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life.
This is an open ended invitation from David to God to tell him what God already knows, the condition of David’s heart. I did as David did and this same prayer came out of my lips as an open invitation to God to show me where my heart was off center. At the time, I had no clue there was a problem. There was though and the last nine years of my life have been a difficult journey to learn what God already knew. This has been a good journey although it has not always been smooth!
Fast-forward to today. After nine years on “heart highway”, what does the view look like? Well it isn’t a full field of wheat. Yet it's not a moonscape either. I’m thinking it doesn’t look like a field at all. Perhaps that’s one of the error’s I’ve made along the way is to look at my heart like a field. I’m from Indiana and when you say field, I get a specific picture in my mind. The problem with my picture is my heart isn’t like that. The cornfields I am thinking of were consistent throughout. There was always seasonal growth, but the entire field was in the same stage of growth. The corn may not be fully mature, but every stalk in the field was in the same stage of growth. Not so with my heart. My heart is a field of pockets of growth. Some pockets are fully mature and others are a mass of weeds. Other pockets are in some recognizable stage of growth while some are unrecognizable. Such is the view of my heart today.
The primary question that arises for me is simple. What happens to your heart when you become a Christian?
Second Corinthians 5:17 (ESV) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
What is Paul talking about? My heart isn’t new, its not the same as it was, but it’s not new either and neither has the old passed away as we can all testify to. It stubbornly hangs around and makes life miserable at times. At times I win, at times I lose and at times I take a “Walk” and get a free pass. I understand the new creation. I have experienced that. What about my heart? Why is the garbage still there? Has there been something I should have done but didn’t do? What is the deal here?
I don’t know the answer to the question or I would tell you. I have experienced growth in my life and changes. Yet when I see what’s left I cringe.
As the old hymn states: My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus and HIS righteousness! I don’t know the answer to the question and may never know. That’s ok … (I think).
Lord: When I see what’s left to be done, don’t let me fall into despair but to trust in you and your Word trusting only in your righteousness.