Building Walls ….

I am in the middle of a difficult business trip.  I am working and training with a new colleague that will be taking over the western region.  I haven't had as much time as I wanted to read and think through the weeks lesson.  But the lesson this week is on walls.  Actually the subject is building walls.

Walls can do several things for you.

1. It can keep people out, providing protection from your enemies.
2. It can keep you in, trapping you in a prison.
3. It can integrate into your life as a part of the living structure you occupy providing support, protection and beauty if it is built properly.

When I think of Psalm 51 and the story of David and Bathsheba, I don't usually think of walls.  I think of open spaces, places where there were no walls.  Bathsheba wasn't behind a wall or David wouldn't have seen her.  David wasn't behind a wall or he wouldn't have known she was bathing.  Yet it's clear a wall developed that blocked David from seeing the impact of what he was doing on his relationship to God and others.

I started thinking about the walls I've built in my life.  With the wisdom my years provide me, I picture myself sitting in a courtyard looking around and seeing the edifices of my life and taking stock of the situation.  Some of the walls were built as a young man when it was necessary to try to protect myself from those trying to hurt me, or at least those I perceived as trying to hurt me.  These walls are ugly, not well constructed and they don't need to be there.  They need to come down, at least what is left of them.  They're not as tall as they used to be and they really don't serve any useful function because they couldn't keep a rabbit out of the courtyard of my life.  But still, the remnants of those walls are there, scaring the landscape of my life.

Then as I take a further look, I see walls I've intentionally built over the  years that were part of the same mindset I had as a youth.  These were walls I built to keep people away from seeing the courtyard of my life.  When I look at these walls, the first thing I notice is there is no symmetry to them.  They are not well thought out,  being built with no thought of the total structure of my home.  They're just random walls.  How ugly!  These puppies must go!!!!!

So  as I sit in my courtyard looking around, I notice the sun is high in the sky, well past noon.  If I don't get these walls taken care of,  it will be dark soon and I won't have a chance to rebuild a useful and beautiful structure.  I smile as I think of the work ahead.  I want to build a beautiful structure so when I'm gone, and people look at it, they will enjoy what they saw.  But it's obvious from the efforts I've put forth to  build what I have, that I don't know squat about building walls!  I'm going to need help.

As I think about this further, I remember that someone told me about a carpenter that is really good at building beautiful structures.  Now what was His name?????

What do you fear?

This is a good question.   No, it is a GREAT question.  What do you fear the most.  I think Dr. Tripp tripped up at the start of this weeks lesson.  In response to David's request to "take not thy Holy Spirit from me" Dr. Tripp makes this comment:

This  should be our greatest fear in all of life, but is it?

Jesus tells me in the gospel of John: 14:16- And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--.  Clearly I'm not going to lose the Holy Spirit, so what ever issues I am concerned about, that isn't one of them.

But it's an honest question.  What am I afraid of?  Is there some deep dark secret in my life I'm afraid of exposure?  Is there something that could happen that hasn't happened I worry about?  Is there something personal I worry about, something that would affect only me?  Is there some national or global disaster I am worried about that keeps me awake at night?  Or is it something that may happen to someone I love?

Well all of these are certainly possibilities.  Bad things happened to me years ago and the memories nip at my heels like a rabid dog.  The pressures on me professionally seem to grow exponentially and my superiors put more and more on daily with no relief in sight.  Terrorism, financial meltdown, poor political leadership are national concerns of every American, not just me.  Global disaster seems imminent if you listen to the pundits.

Well lets look at some strategies to deal with these specific fears.

Fears of the past

In 2009 I started to see a good Christian counselor on a regular basis.  She has been instrumental in helping me deal with the little dog nipping at my heels.  She pointed out that Philippians 3:13-14 is instrumental to dealing with fears of the past: " ... forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead ...".  I've known this scripture for my entire Christian life.  I just didn't apply the way Angel told me to.  I've always looked at it as a call to simply ignore (forget) the  past.   I was using this scripture to avoid the problem, by hoping it would go away.  I would beat myself over the head because I did some particular thing.  Angel said to not do that.  You forget it because God has forgiven all of your sins.  You are free to forget the  past, because you don't have to beat yourself over the head any more.  Each day is a new start, a fresh beginning.  It doesn't matter what you or anyone else did to you or what you did yesterday, you have a fresh start available to you today because of what Jesus did for you.

Professional Pressure

Pharaoh told his work supervisors to make the Israelites get their own straw and yet keep their daily quota's the same.  This type of work policy didn't work then, and it doesn't work now.  Yet many of us have to work under bosses who think like Pharaoh.  For me, this situation leads to sleepless nights, early mornings and a short temper with Julia.  How do I operate in a professional work environment, honor God and not worry about how I do my job?

Psalm 127:2 states:  It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.

If you believe God is a God who is interested in every one of your issues, then beating this type of situation will require faith.  That will mean taking steps where you don't have physical proof what you are doing will benefit you.  For example, I may have a budget deadline given to me on Friday that will take more than a day to complete.   It is due Monday morning.  What do you do?  Do you work all day Saturday to get it done?  Do you skip Church on Sunday to do it?  Do you do what you can on Friday and then enjoy the weekend, and let Monday happen?  Well there are certainly times when you may need to work on the weekends.  In my case, though it has been a habit that has robbed me of my peace and made me a slave to my job.  I've missed important meetings at Church because of this.  I've left Julia sitting in another room by herself or avoided doing things with her because of some demand at work.  I'm no longer going to do that.  I'm going to trust God to fill in the blanks where I can't and if there is some project that doesn't get done because I don't have enough straw, well then, it won't get done.  I'm going to start walking with God at work and rely on Him.  I have the mind of Christ, the Holy Spirit and 40 years of professional expertise at my disposal.  If I can't get it done with this type of help, then it doesn't need to be done!

National and Global disasters.

God wants us to be good stewards of the earth.  That was the original job description given to Adam.  However, if you listen to TV or read the news paper or surf the net, you will hear we are facing the most calamitous time in the earth's history and they claim it's mostly my fault!  Listen to talk radio and you will discover there is a vast conspiracy to do evil in the government.  Listen to the evening news and you will discover there is nothing good happening anywhere and "experts fear the worst in (name the industry) over the coming year".

I have a simple answer to this one.  One I started putting into practice the first Wednesday in November 2008.  I quit reading the paper, I turned off the news and talk radio and I pray for the president.  My prayers for the president go something like this:

Lord:  I don't agree with any of the policies of Mr.. Obama.   I do however like the guy and I ask you to guide him in making decisions you want him to make.  Provide him counselors that are wise and godly and give him a good sense of humor.

Beyond that, I can't do anything else that would be more effective. 

Oh one thing I do now that really helps me calm down and not be so anxious is I listen to lots of classical music!  I find Bach, Mozart and Vivaldi do more for my peace of mind than worrying about something I have no control over.

Lord:  Dealing with fear is something I don't do well.  Help me to trust you when I know I should, but I am afraid to.  Please forgive me for not trusting you as you've asked me to.

The day to day grind …

This week's lesson is unusual for me.  I don't disagree with Dr. Tripp!  In fact I really like his approach.  We do live right in the middle of God's redemptive story.  Every day we walk a fine line between our faith and the reality of the world we live in.  I picture myself walking on a high wire with a pole being used for balance.  On my left is my faith.  On the right is the day to day responsibility I have.  My job is to get to the end of the wire using this pole to help me "walk the wire".  At times I have to stop and catch my breath and I have to use the pole to help me stay steady, but always, heading forwards.

One thing this approach helps me to do is to focus on what is important.  In Philippians Paul speaks of forgetting what's behind and moving forward.  You have to do that while walking the wire, or you will fall.  You have to concentrate on what's ahead.  You have to concentrate on the exact next step.

Hebrews gives us the Biblical definition of faith:  NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see {and} the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].

I love this verse. It is packed with information that is vital to the processing of today.  Walking the wire and maintaining your balance requires faith.  As I take stock of my daily walk, I can use this scripture to help me keep going, especially when I can't see very far ahead!

Dr. Tripp points out that the Holy Spirit David prays for has already been given to us.  I think we need to look at this in more depth.  What is the Holy Spirit's mission?

John 14:16-17 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever-- The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know {and} recognize Him. But you know {and} recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.

John 14:26 But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.

John 16:7 However, I am telling you nothing but the truth when I say it is profitable (good, expedient, advantageous) for you that I go away. Because if I do not go away, the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you [into close fellowship with you]; but if I go away, I will send Him to you [to be in close fellowship with you].

I'm not sure we can quite get our arms around this.  God's Spirit lives INSIDE of me and He's here to help me.  That boggles my mind.  I wonder if I truly believe this.  At times I certainly don't act like it.  Other times, I sense God's presence and wonder how I could ever doubt it.  I must admit, while it's much easier to operate when I can sense God's presence so well, it is much more important for me to understand God is still there with me when I'm in over my head in whatever the crisis of the moment is.  At those times, I remember Elijah standing at the mouth of the cave in 1st Kings 19.  The lesson there is to look for the small voice in the middle of it all.

At the end of WWII, there were Japanese soldiers that held out long after the war was over.  That is the situation we are facing with Satan and his henchmen.  The war is over, but the mop up operations aren't completed yet.  The rogue is still on the loose and for a time, causes us great difficulty.   We must remember that we have God's spirit living inside us to comfort, guide and counsel us.

Lord:  Thanks for your day to day guidance, comfort and leadership.  As we walk through each day, help us to grow in faith and when we can't sense your closeness, let us rely on your word and our faith.

Longing for Jesus

I think Dr. Tripp has focused on a core issue this week.  David’s heart cry in Psalm 51 is well documented.  His sin is “ever before him”.  He is looking for mercy and grace in a time of real need.  The issue we discuss this week is two fold.

Issue # 1 is forgiveness.

Issue # 2 is deliverance.

I understand these issues very well.  It seems I’ve spent my life asking God for forgiveness.  It really doesn’t matter what the issue is or was, I ask God for forgiveness for the same thing over and over again.  In many ways I act before God as if I am offering bulls and goats regularly.  I find myself too often in Romans 7 when I should be in Romans 8.  At times, my life seems eerily like the book of Judges.  Forgiveness has been a step I’ve taken to relieve myself of guilt rather than a first step in correcting the problem.  Getting rid of the guilt (real or false) was the goal, not deliverance.

Today, I confess that I can see this clearly.  My actions before God for many years have been more like the actions of an old testament character rather than a new testament son.  I have asked for forgiveness with an old testament mindset, a “law follower”.  Paul speaks to this exact issue in Romans.

Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the life-giving Spirit  in Christ Jesus has set you  free from the law of sin and death.  For God achieved what the law could not do because it was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

If I don’t deal with both issues, forgiveness AND deliverance, then I will be defeated.  I don’t want to live that way.  I want to be “more than a conqueror” as Paul states further down the road in Romans 8.

In order to experience deliverance, I will have to do more than simply ask forgiveness.  I need to take positive steps and move towards freedom.  This is most likely going to involve things I’ve never done before.  One author put it this way:  “If you want to go places you’ve never been before, you will most likely have to do things you’ve never done before.”

I’ve been home with no one from work to bother me for the last several days.  I have been watching documentaries on some of my favorite historical figures, FDR, Harry Truman and Lewis and Clark.  The illustration I want to close with concerns Lewis and Clark.  There was a point the in the journey where Meriwether Lewis was standing in Montana at the end of the known map.  The very next step he took would be in uncharted waters.  The rest of the journey was unknown.  Yet he undertook it with great courage and skill.  It was a long time before he reached his goal, but he did reach his goal!

I’m there with Meriwether Lewis.  I’m at the edge of my known map.  I’m moving into unknown waters.  I’m looking for the Northwest Passage of my heart.

Lord:  As we move into 2010, let us move there with complete confidence that even though we may not see the road ahead, you do.  And you’ve told us we can move forward with the assurance you are with us and will not leave us.

This week is different …

I want to be completely honest with everyone.  When I read this weeks lesson, I didn’t get any point the first time.  The second time I went through it though, I got a different perspective.  I don’t want to talk about the “unholy trinity” the author talks about.

I want to talk about what God has done for me this year in spite of myself!  During one of our classes, Leland commented that he hoped the author experienced some joy in his life.  I’m sure he does, but reading his book week in and week out is a bit of a challenge.

While I certainly have gotten some great insight from the class, I also want to point out the good things God has done for me in 2009.  I’ve been challenged to repent and step outside of the emotional pits I constantly seem to be fighting and to trust God.  Did you hear that?  Trust God. 

That is what I am going to do.  I am going to take out of 2009 the fact that God is for me and who or what can be against me.  The Lord spoke to me through Julia today and it was words of great encouragement.  She spoke of God’s faithfulness and with tears in her eyes shared some of her concerns to me.  But with a flash of her smile, she commented that God was good and will see us through any mess we find ourselves in.

Yes David blew it with Bathsheba.  He blew it big time.  Is there anyone out there in blog-land that DOESN’T understand that?  I doubt it.  But God showed himself strong to David.  Just as he did to Moses, Elijah, Peter, Paul and anyone else who would come to Him in faith.

Yes I’ve blown it.  Yes I’ve made horrible mistakes.  Yes I know it.  But how trite for me to limit God by not trusting him to be bigger than my sin, my bad attitudes, and any other issue of moment I might be dealing with.  Oh God forgive me!!!!!  And the good news is????

HE DOES FORGIVE!  It’s like the song I heard Don Fransico sing many years ago.  “HE’S ALIVE AND I’M FORGIVEN!!!!!!!!!!!”  YES!!!!!   To quote some of my favorite sports announcers:  HE’S AT THE 10, THE 5 TOUCHDOWN!!!!  HE SHOOTS HE SCOOOOORES!!!!!  THERE’S A LONG DRIVE TO LEFT FIELD … THAT BABY’S GONE!!!!!!!

DO YOU GET THE MESSAGE!!!!!  I’M FREE, MY SINS ARE FORGIVEN AND GOD IS NOT MAD AT ME OR ANYONE ELSE!!!!!

Merry Christmas to everyone and I am looking forward to trusting God in 2010!!!!!

In the Basement of my home there is darkness

Many years ago I started experiencing visions and dreams on a regular basis.  Of course everyone has dreams, but these dreams and visions seemed to be beyond the usual dream.  I shared one of them with Julia over the breakfast table one morning  (Suffice it to say, I no longer rely on Julia to interpret my dreams).  I then began to talk to Beverly and she put me in touch with a book that helped me to understand how God uses dreams.  I was beginning an adventure that has been exciting at times, strange at times and frightening at other times.

It was during that time the Lord began to deal with me about things that were buried in my basement so to speak.  All of our homes have a basement.  The author speaks of this as the Holy of Holies.  I don’t.  I call it the basement.

When Julia and I lived in Dayton, we had a neigbour about 3 or 4 doors down from us, that unknown to us or anyone else would use the basement of the apartment for storing his trash.  He would open the door to his basement and instead of throwing his trash out, would store it in his basement.  That worked ok for a while.  No one knew and even if you went to his home, you wouldn’t know it, because the door to the basement was shut.  But you can only store so much in the basement and finally he was caught.  What a mess!  How much easier if he had taken the time to walk over the the container and simply dumped the trash. But he didn’t do that.

I have done the same thing over the years.   I’ve stored stuff in the basement until finally, after 58 years, there is no more room in the basement.  It’s time to clean it out!  How much easier it would have been had I taken the time over the last 40 years to simply take the day’s trash, and throw it out, and start afresh.  But for some reason, I didn’t do that.  I started packing it in the basement.  I know now how wrong that was, but at the time, it seemed ok.  There was plenty of room down there and who would know anyway.

CS Lewis say’s in Mere Christianity:

Thus, in one sense. the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But in another sense it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. I can't.

I walk to the basement door with my daily load of garbage and trash.  I open it to throw the carefully wrapped and protected package of refuse down the stairs.  When it suddenly dawns on me that there is no more room.  No matter how hard I try to pack it in, there is no more room.  The basement is full.  I set down the day’s package and I sit quietly in front of a basement door that is open.  The carefully hidden rubbish of my life is staring me in the face.  The odor is appalling.  The sheer lunacy of packing away 40 years of garbage and waste in the basement of my house hits me full in the face.  I lower my head and start to weep.  I can’t do this anymore Lord, I can’t.  This is why I need a saviour!

Lord, my basement is full.  There is no more room.  It’s ugly down there Lord and I can’t make it better.  I don’t have the strength to clean it up.  I’m scared and I’m embarrassed and I’m tired Lord.  I’m tired of trying to hide all of this.  But I can’t clean it up, I don’t have the strength or the courage to do so.  Please Lord, clean this up for me.

The Pursuit of Relationship with God

Last week's lesson was a very hard hitting confession of sin written by an individual who has “been there, done that!” I know from our class discussion, we as a group could relate to the writer's cry of anguish. I know I could. Last week, the author spoke of a full and complete recognition of sin. He didn't sugar coat it in the slightest. One of the most important aspects of his poem was his acknowledgment where he admits:


“The lingering visions of what I've done haunt my soul, assault my heart, dominate my thoughts.”

I confess that I too have been in this exact position too many times. When you are there, it's so difficult to see God. I know at times like this, all I can see is my penchant to do evil. That's what makes this weeks lesson on relationship so important.

Many years ago, I heard a teaching on God's covenant with Abraham. In essence, God cut Abraham a deal that He knew Abraham couldn't keep. The keeping of the covenant was going to depend on God. Guess what? He did!

One thing that I have to carefully remind myself is that I dare not compare myself to others. If I do, I end up with something along the lines of “Well at least I didn't do that!” That type of attitude places me in a position where I go to God on the strength of my merit. My approach to God would be “God, here is what I did. I know it's bad, but it's not as bad as what Billy or Sue did.” Jesus described this type of person as a Pharisee. Someone who stands before God and says “Thank God I'm not like this sinner ...” while the sinner simply beats on his chest and cries out “Forgive me God!”

One thing I can do though, is to read the Bible and understand that it does not sugar coat anything. I get to read about Abraham the “Father of our Faith” and look at some of the bonehead stunts he pulled. Things I wouldn't have known if the Word hadn't told me about them. And then I read in Romans 4 the story of Abraham's greatest triumph and what the Bible says about him. If you read carefully, you will see that God has a rather high opinion of Mr. Abraham.

The subject of our study is Psalm 51, written by David. Clearly David is someone that made his share of mistakes and yet God has a pretty high opinion of this guy as well. Let's see, who else could we look at? Oh, how about Moses? I remember a story where he killed a guy. Any doubt in your mind what God thinks about Moses? And then there is Paul, Peter, Elijah, Rahab and on and on. I read in the Bible where people partner up with God and then fail, and sometimes in a rather spectacular fashion. Yet, God holds up both ends of the agreement.

I write this because I am reaching out to God and asking Him to help me learn about my relationship with Him. Too many times, I short change both God and myself because my eyes are focused on me and my failings. I have a very strong tendency to “degree” my sin's and then stand back and compare myself with Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer or whoever and then smugly feel, “well at least I didn't do that!”

Hebrew's tells us to look unto Jesus, the author and FINISHER of our faith. It is so trite to speak of “let go and let God” when someone is locked into a pattern of sin that they physically can't let go of. That person (ie: Andy) will then focus his eyes inward and miss the big picture. I need to rely on the relationship God established and trust Him. I have to understand that the relationship with God is based on His performance, not mine. I so desperately need that.

This last year has been a very trying year for me. Lofty goals and desires developed as a young man simply aren't going to happen. I accept that. It's part of “maturing” as both an adult and a Christian. However, I do think the one thing I have learned is this: There is NOTHING more important than understanding my relationship with God. It really doesn't matter what else I do or don't do, if I can focus my energies on God and what HE can do and not worry about what I can or can't do, then I believe I will begin to experience the peace of relationship that Paul and David talk about in their writings.

Oh Lord, please don't let me fall into the trap of comparison. Don't let me compare myself with anyone. I sin Lord. I sin often. I sin on purpose. I sin because I like it. It's easy to sin Lord, I'm good at it, a true professional. I come to you and ask simply that you take this mess I've created and let me experience your love towards me in such a way, it will fill those areas I try to fill with sin.