Wisdom in the secret heart

Psalm 51:6 NASB: Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

If you take a look at the Hebrew definitions from Strong’s you get the following definitions: firmness, faithfulness, truth; sureness, reliability; stability, continuance; faithfulness, reliableness; truth; as spoken; of testimony and judgment; of divine instruction; truth as a body of ethical or religious knowledge; true doctrine.

Had I read this and thought about this particular verse a few years ago I would have thought that God was looking at my heart and hoping He would find truth there.

Today, I don’t think that. I believe God is coming to me and telling me He wants to put truth in my inner heart. He desires that my heart have truth inserted into it, because my heart is full of anything but truth.

We know from this psalm and other scriptures that the human heart is capable of anything. I read the other day of a young woman in New York who adopted a foreign child. She was a good woman and so badly wanted to be a mother. The adoption was difficult and one day she snapped and beat the two year old badly. The next day, she died. The mother who’s hopes and dreams were so high is now serving 25 years in prison for this crime. After things had settled down, and people were able to talk about it, no one had any idea how such a nice person with such high hopes and potential could do such a horrible thing.

The Bible knows. The Scriptures go to great lengths to explain to us this very situation and the cure. The cure is to pour the water of God’s word into your heart. People don’t take this seriously. I have dabbled at it for years but only in the last year have I begun to understand the impact of God’s Word. There is nothing else I can do that will have the impact on my life that pouring God’s Word into my heart will have.

Jesus ministered to two women in the Gospel of John. In John 4 there is the woman at the well. In John 8 is the story of the woman caught in adultery. Both women were caught in virtually the same problem. Jesus spoke extensively with the woman at the well. He told her about rivers of living water in the human heart. The other woman was not condemned but simply told “go and sin no more”. We are told the woman at the well went and came back. The other woman simply left. I wonder if “go and sin no more” was enough for her? I think the first woman caught on to the program by asking “where can I get this water”. I don’t know that the second woman received the same type of revelation. I hope so, but I don’t know that she did.

The key to all three situations is pouring the water into your heart. David and both women in John needed to have truth in their hearts. The only way to get it is through the word. There is no other way.

Lord: Help me to not look at the desperate situation of my heart, but let me be like the woman at the well whose sin was great yet so desired for the water that would be rivers of living water in her soul. I want to spend time in your word and receive secret instruction in my heart Lord.

A broken heart

I am afraid of a broken heart.  A broken heart as I see it defined in verse 17 is scary to me.  Here is a sample of the Hebrew meaning as given by Strong's concordance:

to break, break in pieces; break, break in or down, rend violently, wreck, crush, quench; to break, rupture'; to be broken, be maimed, be crippled, be wrecked; to be broken, be crushed; to shatter, break; to cause to break out, bring to the birth; to be broken, be shattered .

Contrite on the other hand means:

caused by or showing sincere remorse; filled with a sense of guilt and the desire for atonement; penitent: a contrite sinner.

I can relate to contrite.  I can't relate to broken heart.  Yet it appears from the psalm that God requires both.  It's not an either or proposition.  You must be contrite and have a broken heart.

I've thought about that for quite a while.  I've thought about times my heart was broken and crushed.  I've thought about the pain that experience brought to my life.  There was nothing about any of it that was good.  Yet we have God's word in Romans 8 that He will bring something good out of it.  I have His word in verse 17 that he requires it of me.

So  here I sit.  I don't know what to do.  My heart has been sufficiently insulated from the breath of life for so long, it's difficult to imagine anything else.  Yet in the last year, I've begun the process of opening my heart to experience the full range of emotions God has gifted us with.  There are times I think I'm making progress.  There are other times I am regressing.  There are times I'm doing nothing.  The overall direction is good and I'm not seeing the same scenery all the time, so I know I'm not going in circles!  But this broken heart thing ... I don't know about that.

Lord:  I don't know what to do with this broken heart thing.  I don't know how to communicate what I feel at the deepest level about the things that are important.  Please help me!

What does it have to do with me?

As I read this weeks lesson, I must confess, I didn't like it.  At least I didn't like it the first couple of times I read it.  Then I prayed "Lord what is there in here for me to see?".  Then I read it again.  There was no epiphany but I did see me in the lesson.  I saw someone looking for hope in difficult times.  I saw someone looking for friendship.  I saw someone dealing with sin and looking for a way out.  So I guess you could say without a doubt, I saw me in the story.

As I thought about Jesus as depicted in this short writing, I wanted to focus in on the single most significant event in His life that I could reach out and hold on to.  It wasn't the storm stories.  It wasn't the miraculous feedings.  It wasn't any of the healing stories.  It is the story of Jairus in Mark 5.  The New Living Translation tells us that Jairus went to Jesus out of desperation:  ... pleading with him to heal his little daughter. "She is about to die," he said in desperation. "Please come and place your hands on her; heal her so she can live."

Somehow (for me at least) everything about living and walking with Jesus is in this story.  This little story runs the gamut of emotions you will face in whatever desperate situation you find yourself.  He's facing the loss of his loved one, Jesus delay's in coming.  The loved one dies and so the emotion of dealing with that knowledge is hammering away at him.  All hope is gone.  He suffers in silence.  Jesus tells him to believe and yet nothing around him provides any hope.  She's dead, the family is wailing and crying in uncontrollable grief.  Then the cynical laughter.  They all laughed at him KNOWING she was dead.  Then the unbelievable Joy of an undeserved gift of grace from God.

I have recently been attending a local 12 step recovery group.  Angel suggested it would be good for me to attend so I can see and hear others stories of struggle and redemption.  I've attended three meetings and I've heard of a wonderful God that is working with people in desperate situations.  People reaching out to God for help and he answers.  I see smiles and struggles.  I see hope and silence.  There have been as many as 35 and as few as 14 that have attended.  I have not spoken, but have listened.  My purpose was to listen and learn, not talk.  So I have listened.  When I reflect on the three meetings I've attended, I can see in the room I'm in the stories written on the pages of this week's lesson.  If Jesus were physically present, He would have been right in the middle of this group and they would have responded to Him with unbridled joy and laughter and He would have enjoyed being there.  He would have looked around the room and those there would have had hope.

Yesterday Julia came home from Krogers and came to tell me of her encounter with "Cheeseburger" and his owner.  She told of seeing him when she came out of Krogers.  She stopped to talk to him and Cheeseburger wagged his tail and came over to her right away.  Julia spoke of how her heart ached for them.  She went inside to purchase some treats to give to Cheeseburger.  When she came out though, he was gone.  She told me with tears in her eyes that she so wanted to find them.  She prayed and asked God to help her find them.  She drove around and did find them.  When she came up with the treats, the man said with a big smile on his face, "Cheeseburger, look what you are getting!"  Of course Cheeseburger was happy and so was Julia.  He asked her to remember them in prayer.  (The owner, not "Cheeseburger")

I saw "Cheeseburger" and his owner in the this weeks lesson.  I saw Julia in this weeks lesson.  I see Andy in this weeks lesson.  I see my need for a heart that is touched by the needs of others.  I saw Jesus in Julia as he reached out to a homeless man and his dog.  I saw Jesus as he wept for them standing in my living room with tears running down his cheeks.

So, what does it have to do with me?  Everything!

Lord:  I pray for "Cheeseburger" and his owner.  Provide for them their needs for today.  Provide for him a warm bed and good hot food for today.  Protect them from evil and send more people like Julia to touch them for you.  Help me to learn of you Lord through those you send in my path.  Forgive me for hardness of heart Lord.  I don't want to be that way!

Enough already ….

The dictionary definition of enough is:  "as much or as many as necessary, desirable, or tolerable; sufficient".

This week the author talks about enough.  What is enough?  In my book, there are two uses for the word:

The first usage is:  I've had enough.  Don't want no more, nada,  nyet,  nine .... nuff  is nuff.  When used in this manner, I think of politics.  I've had enough.
The second usage is:  I can't get enough.  I want more.  I don't need more, but I want more.  When used in this manner, I think of Cynthia's  pork roast at the church dinners.

When I apply this to David I can see both usages very clearly.  I don't know what David thought  of but I'm going to jump into  his shoes for a moment and place myself  in his situation and tell you what I see.

I've had enough guilt.  I can't take any more.

I've had  enough lying and deceit.  I've killed a man to  cover up my crime.  Not  good Andy.   I've had enough.

I've  had enough sex.  A man can only do so  much.  Why is this such an issue?  I can have as many women as I want when I want  them.  It isn't working though.  Why?  Enough already.

I've had enough of feeling like dirt.  I hate feeling like dirt, but I do.

As I think about his situation these are the  thoughts I believe I would struggle with.  However, David does something I haven't done and quite frankly have trouble doing.  David goes to God WITH CONFIDENCE.  I go to God, but not with the confidence David does.  Listen to what He says in Psalm 27:5-8:

He will surely give me shelter in the day of danger; he will hide me in his home; he will place me on an inaccessible rocky summit.  Now I will triumph over my enemies who surround me!  I will offer sacrifices in his dwelling place and shout for joy!  I will sing praises to the Lord!  Hear me, O Lord, when I cry out!  Have mercy on me and answer me!  My heart tells me to pray to you, and I do pray to you, O Lord.

I tend to give up where David pressed on.  Hebrews 10:39 in the Message:  But we're not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We'll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way.  God said David was a man after his own heart.  Perhaps that was because David didn't quit, not because he got it right all the time.

Lord:  I'm right up there with David.  "I am the Man".  Help  me to turn to you for help  in a time of trouble.   Help me to trust in what you've done not what I have or haven't done.  I've had enough running and being scared of you.  I haven't had enough of your grace, love and mercy.  Help me to press on when I don't want to.  Help me Lord to walk with you when it looks like I can't go on.

Building Walls ….

I am in the middle of a difficult business trip.  I am working and training with a new colleague that will be taking over the western region.  I haven't had as much time as I wanted to read and think through the weeks lesson.  But the lesson this week is on walls.  Actually the subject is building walls.

Walls can do several things for you.

1. It can keep people out, providing protection from your enemies.
2. It can keep you in, trapping you in a prison.
3. It can integrate into your life as a part of the living structure you occupy providing support, protection and beauty if it is built properly.

When I think of Psalm 51 and the story of David and Bathsheba, I don't usually think of walls.  I think of open spaces, places where there were no walls.  Bathsheba wasn't behind a wall or David wouldn't have seen her.  David wasn't behind a wall or he wouldn't have known she was bathing.  Yet it's clear a wall developed that blocked David from seeing the impact of what he was doing on his relationship to God and others.

I started thinking about the walls I've built in my life.  With the wisdom my years provide me, I picture myself sitting in a courtyard looking around and seeing the edifices of my life and taking stock of the situation.  Some of the walls were built as a young man when it was necessary to try to protect myself from those trying to hurt me, or at least those I perceived as trying to hurt me.  These walls are ugly, not well constructed and they don't need to be there.  They need to come down, at least what is left of them.  They're not as tall as they used to be and they really don't serve any useful function because they couldn't keep a rabbit out of the courtyard of my life.  But still, the remnants of those walls are there, scaring the landscape of my life.

Then as I take a further look, I see walls I've intentionally built over the  years that were part of the same mindset I had as a youth.  These were walls I built to keep people away from seeing the courtyard of my life.  When I look at these walls, the first thing I notice is there is no symmetry to them.  They are not well thought out,  being built with no thought of the total structure of my home.  They're just random walls.  How ugly!  These puppies must go!!!!!

So  as I sit in my courtyard looking around, I notice the sun is high in the sky, well past noon.  If I don't get these walls taken care of,  it will be dark soon and I won't have a chance to rebuild a useful and beautiful structure.  I smile as I think of the work ahead.  I want to build a beautiful structure so when I'm gone, and people look at it, they will enjoy what they saw.  But it's obvious from the efforts I've put forth to  build what I have, that I don't know squat about building walls!  I'm going to need help.

As I think about this further, I remember that someone told me about a carpenter that is really good at building beautiful structures.  Now what was His name?????

What do you fear?

This is a good question.   No, it is a GREAT question.  What do you fear the most.  I think Dr. Tripp tripped up at the start of this weeks lesson.  In response to David's request to "take not thy Holy Spirit from me" Dr. Tripp makes this comment:

This  should be our greatest fear in all of life, but is it?

Jesus tells me in the gospel of John: 14:16- And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever--.  Clearly I'm not going to lose the Holy Spirit, so what ever issues I am concerned about, that isn't one of them.

But it's an honest question.  What am I afraid of?  Is there some deep dark secret in my life I'm afraid of exposure?  Is there something that could happen that hasn't happened I worry about?  Is there something personal I worry about, something that would affect only me?  Is there some national or global disaster I am worried about that keeps me awake at night?  Or is it something that may happen to someone I love?

Well all of these are certainly possibilities.  Bad things happened to me years ago and the memories nip at my heels like a rabid dog.  The pressures on me professionally seem to grow exponentially and my superiors put more and more on daily with no relief in sight.  Terrorism, financial meltdown, poor political leadership are national concerns of every American, not just me.  Global disaster seems imminent if you listen to the pundits.

Well lets look at some strategies to deal with these specific fears.

Fears of the past

In 2009 I started to see a good Christian counselor on a regular basis.  She has been instrumental in helping me deal with the little dog nipping at my heels.  She pointed out that Philippians 3:13-14 is instrumental to dealing with fears of the past: " ... forgetting the things that are behind and reaching out for the things that are ahead ...".  I've known this scripture for my entire Christian life.  I just didn't apply the way Angel told me to.  I've always looked at it as a call to simply ignore (forget) the  past.   I was using this scripture to avoid the problem, by hoping it would go away.  I would beat myself over the head because I did some particular thing.  Angel said to not do that.  You forget it because God has forgiven all of your sins.  You are free to forget the  past, because you don't have to beat yourself over the head any more.  Each day is a new start, a fresh beginning.  It doesn't matter what you or anyone else did to you or what you did yesterday, you have a fresh start available to you today because of what Jesus did for you.

Professional Pressure

Pharaoh told his work supervisors to make the Israelites get their own straw and yet keep their daily quota's the same.  This type of work policy didn't work then, and it doesn't work now.  Yet many of us have to work under bosses who think like Pharaoh.  For me, this situation leads to sleepless nights, early mornings and a short temper with Julia.  How do I operate in a professional work environment, honor God and not worry about how I do my job?

Psalm 127:2 states:  It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones.

If you believe God is a God who is interested in every one of your issues, then beating this type of situation will require faith.  That will mean taking steps where you don't have physical proof what you are doing will benefit you.  For example, I may have a budget deadline given to me on Friday that will take more than a day to complete.   It is due Monday morning.  What do you do?  Do you work all day Saturday to get it done?  Do you skip Church on Sunday to do it?  Do you do what you can on Friday and then enjoy the weekend, and let Monday happen?  Well there are certainly times when you may need to work on the weekends.  In my case, though it has been a habit that has robbed me of my peace and made me a slave to my job.  I've missed important meetings at Church because of this.  I've left Julia sitting in another room by herself or avoided doing things with her because of some demand at work.  I'm no longer going to do that.  I'm going to trust God to fill in the blanks where I can't and if there is some project that doesn't get done because I don't have enough straw, well then, it won't get done.  I'm going to start walking with God at work and rely on Him.  I have the mind of Christ, the Holy Spirit and 40 years of professional expertise at my disposal.  If I can't get it done with this type of help, then it doesn't need to be done!

National and Global disasters.

God wants us to be good stewards of the earth.  That was the original job description given to Adam.  However, if you listen to TV or read the news paper or surf the net, you will hear we are facing the most calamitous time in the earth's history and they claim it's mostly my fault!  Listen to talk radio and you will discover there is a vast conspiracy to do evil in the government.  Listen to the evening news and you will discover there is nothing good happening anywhere and "experts fear the worst in (name the industry) over the coming year".

I have a simple answer to this one.  One I started putting into practice the first Wednesday in November 2008.  I quit reading the paper, I turned off the news and talk radio and I pray for the president.  My prayers for the president go something like this:

Lord:  I don't agree with any of the policies of Mr.. Obama.   I do however like the guy and I ask you to guide him in making decisions you want him to make.  Provide him counselors that are wise and godly and give him a good sense of humor.

Beyond that, I can't do anything else that would be more effective. 

Oh one thing I do now that really helps me calm down and not be so anxious is I listen to lots of classical music!  I find Bach, Mozart and Vivaldi do more for my peace of mind than worrying about something I have no control over.

Lord:  Dealing with fear is something I don't do well.  Help me to trust you when I know I should, but I am afraid to.  Please forgive me for not trusting you as you've asked me to.

The day to day grind …

This week's lesson is unusual for me.  I don't disagree with Dr. Tripp!  In fact I really like his approach.  We do live right in the middle of God's redemptive story.  Every day we walk a fine line between our faith and the reality of the world we live in.  I picture myself walking on a high wire with a pole being used for balance.  On my left is my faith.  On the right is the day to day responsibility I have.  My job is to get to the end of the wire using this pole to help me "walk the wire".  At times I have to stop and catch my breath and I have to use the pole to help me stay steady, but always, heading forwards.

One thing this approach helps me to do is to focus on what is important.  In Philippians Paul speaks of forgetting what's behind and moving forward.  You have to do that while walking the wire, or you will fall.  You have to concentrate on what's ahead.  You have to concentrate on the exact next step.

Hebrews gives us the Biblical definition of faith:  NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see {and} the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].

I love this verse. It is packed with information that is vital to the processing of today.  Walking the wire and maintaining your balance requires faith.  As I take stock of my daily walk, I can use this scripture to help me keep going, especially when I can't see very far ahead!

Dr. Tripp points out that the Holy Spirit David prays for has already been given to us.  I think we need to look at this in more depth.  What is the Holy Spirit's mission?

John 14:16-17 And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever-- The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know {and} recognize Him. But you know {and} recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you.

John 14:26 But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you.

John 16:7 However, I am telling you nothing but the truth when I say it is profitable (good, expedient, advantageous) for you that I go away. Because if I do not go away, the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Advocate, Intercessor, Strengthener, Standby) will not come to you [into close fellowship with you]; but if I go away, I will send Him to you [to be in close fellowship with you].

I'm not sure we can quite get our arms around this.  God's Spirit lives INSIDE of me and He's here to help me.  That boggles my mind.  I wonder if I truly believe this.  At times I certainly don't act like it.  Other times, I sense God's presence and wonder how I could ever doubt it.  I must admit, while it's much easier to operate when I can sense God's presence so well, it is much more important for me to understand God is still there with me when I'm in over my head in whatever the crisis of the moment is.  At those times, I remember Elijah standing at the mouth of the cave in 1st Kings 19.  The lesson there is to look for the small voice in the middle of it all.

At the end of WWII, there were Japanese soldiers that held out long after the war was over.  That is the situation we are facing with Satan and his henchmen.  The war is over, but the mop up operations aren't completed yet.  The rogue is still on the loose and for a time, causes us great difficulty.   We must remember that we have God's spirit living inside us to comfort, guide and counsel us.

Lord:  Thanks for your day to day guidance, comfort and leadership.  As we walk through each day, help us to grow in faith and when we can't sense your closeness, let us rely on your word and our faith.