Longing for Jesus

I think Dr. Tripp has focused on a core issue this week.  David’s heart cry in Psalm 51 is well documented.  His sin is “ever before him”.  He is looking for mercy and grace in a time of real need.  The issue we discuss this week is two fold.

Issue # 1 is forgiveness.

Issue # 2 is deliverance.

I understand these issues very well.  It seems I’ve spent my life asking God for forgiveness.  It really doesn’t matter what the issue is or was, I ask God for forgiveness for the same thing over and over again.  In many ways I act before God as if I am offering bulls and goats regularly.  I find myself too often in Romans 7 when I should be in Romans 8.  At times, my life seems eerily like the book of Judges.  Forgiveness has been a step I’ve taken to relieve myself of guilt rather than a first step in correcting the problem.  Getting rid of the guilt (real or false) was the goal, not deliverance.

Today, I confess that I can see this clearly.  My actions before God for many years have been more like the actions of an old testament character rather than a new testament son.  I have asked for forgiveness with an old testament mindset, a “law follower”.  Paul speaks to this exact issue in Romans.

Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the life-giving Spirit  in Christ Jesus has set you  free from the law of sin and death.  For God achieved what the law could not do because it was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

If I don’t deal with both issues, forgiveness AND deliverance, then I will be defeated.  I don’t want to live that way.  I want to be “more than a conqueror” as Paul states further down the road in Romans 8.

In order to experience deliverance, I will have to do more than simply ask forgiveness.  I need to take positive steps and move towards freedom.  This is most likely going to involve things I’ve never done before.  One author put it this way:  “If you want to go places you’ve never been before, you will most likely have to do things you’ve never done before.”

I’ve been home with no one from work to bother me for the last several days.  I have been watching documentaries on some of my favorite historical figures, FDR, Harry Truman and Lewis and Clark.  The illustration I want to close with concerns Lewis and Clark.  There was a point the in the journey where Meriwether Lewis was standing in Montana at the end of the known map.  The very next step he took would be in uncharted waters.  The rest of the journey was unknown.  Yet he undertook it with great courage and skill.  It was a long time before he reached his goal, but he did reach his goal!

I’m there with Meriwether Lewis.  I’m at the edge of my known map.  I’m moving into unknown waters.  I’m looking for the Northwest Passage of my heart.

Lord:  As we move into 2010, let us move there with complete confidence that even though we may not see the road ahead, you do.  And you’ve told us we can move forward with the assurance you are with us and will not leave us.

This week is different …

I want to be completely honest with everyone.  When I read this weeks lesson, I didn’t get any point the first time.  The second time I went through it though, I got a different perspective.  I don’t want to talk about the “unholy trinity” the author talks about.

I want to talk about what God has done for me this year in spite of myself!  During one of our classes, Leland commented that he hoped the author experienced some joy in his life.  I’m sure he does, but reading his book week in and week out is a bit of a challenge.

While I certainly have gotten some great insight from the class, I also want to point out the good things God has done for me in 2009.  I’ve been challenged to repent and step outside of the emotional pits I constantly seem to be fighting and to trust God.  Did you hear that?  Trust God. 

That is what I am going to do.  I am going to take out of 2009 the fact that God is for me and who or what can be against me.  The Lord spoke to me through Julia today and it was words of great encouragement.  She spoke of God’s faithfulness and with tears in her eyes shared some of her concerns to me.  But with a flash of her smile, she commented that God was good and will see us through any mess we find ourselves in.

Yes David blew it with Bathsheba.  He blew it big time.  Is there anyone out there in blog-land that DOESN’T understand that?  I doubt it.  But God showed himself strong to David.  Just as he did to Moses, Elijah, Peter, Paul and anyone else who would come to Him in faith.

Yes I’ve blown it.  Yes I’ve made horrible mistakes.  Yes I know it.  But how trite for me to limit God by not trusting him to be bigger than my sin, my bad attitudes, and any other issue of moment I might be dealing with.  Oh God forgive me!!!!!  And the good news is????

HE DOES FORGIVE!  It’s like the song I heard Don Fransico sing many years ago.  “HE’S ALIVE AND I’M FORGIVEN!!!!!!!!!!!”  YES!!!!!   To quote some of my favorite sports announcers:  HE’S AT THE 10, THE 5 TOUCHDOWN!!!!  HE SHOOTS HE SCOOOOORES!!!!!  THERE’S A LONG DRIVE TO LEFT FIELD … THAT BABY’S GONE!!!!!!!

DO YOU GET THE MESSAGE!!!!!  I’M FREE, MY SINS ARE FORGIVEN AND GOD IS NOT MAD AT ME OR ANYONE ELSE!!!!!

Merry Christmas to everyone and I am looking forward to trusting God in 2010!!!!!

In the Basement of my home there is darkness

Many years ago I started experiencing visions and dreams on a regular basis.  Of course everyone has dreams, but these dreams and visions seemed to be beyond the usual dream.  I shared one of them with Julia over the breakfast table one morning  (Suffice it to say, I no longer rely on Julia to interpret my dreams).  I then began to talk to Beverly and she put me in touch with a book that helped me to understand how God uses dreams.  I was beginning an adventure that has been exciting at times, strange at times and frightening at other times.

It was during that time the Lord began to deal with me about things that were buried in my basement so to speak.  All of our homes have a basement.  The author speaks of this as the Holy of Holies.  I don’t.  I call it the basement.

When Julia and I lived in Dayton, we had a neigbour about 3 or 4 doors down from us, that unknown to us or anyone else would use the basement of the apartment for storing his trash.  He would open the door to his basement and instead of throwing his trash out, would store it in his basement.  That worked ok for a while.  No one knew and even if you went to his home, you wouldn’t know it, because the door to the basement was shut.  But you can only store so much in the basement and finally he was caught.  What a mess!  How much easier if he had taken the time to walk over the the container and simply dumped the trash. But he didn’t do that.

I have done the same thing over the years.   I’ve stored stuff in the basement until finally, after 58 years, there is no more room in the basement.  It’s time to clean it out!  How much easier it would have been had I taken the time over the last 40 years to simply take the day’s trash, and throw it out, and start afresh.  But for some reason, I didn’t do that.  I started packing it in the basement.  I know now how wrong that was, but at the time, it seemed ok.  There was plenty of room down there and who would know anyway.

CS Lewis say’s in Mere Christianity:

Thus, in one sense. the road back to God is a road of moral effort, of trying harder and harder. But in another sense it is not trying that is ever going to bring us home. All this trying leads up to the vital moment at which you turn to God and say, 'You must do this. I can't.

I walk to the basement door with my daily load of garbage and trash.  I open it to throw the carefully wrapped and protected package of refuse down the stairs.  When it suddenly dawns on me that there is no more room.  No matter how hard I try to pack it in, there is no more room.  The basement is full.  I set down the day’s package and I sit quietly in front of a basement door that is open.  The carefully hidden rubbish of my life is staring me in the face.  The odor is appalling.  The sheer lunacy of packing away 40 years of garbage and waste in the basement of my house hits me full in the face.  I lower my head and start to weep.  I can’t do this anymore Lord, I can’t.  This is why I need a saviour!

Lord, my basement is full.  There is no more room.  It’s ugly down there Lord and I can’t make it better.  I don’t have the strength to clean it up.  I’m scared and I’m embarrassed and I’m tired Lord.  I’m tired of trying to hide all of this.  But I can’t clean it up, I don’t have the strength or the courage to do so.  Please Lord, clean this up for me.

The Pursuit of Relationship with God

Last week's lesson was a very hard hitting confession of sin written by an individual who has “been there, done that!” I know from our class discussion, we as a group could relate to the writer's cry of anguish. I know I could. Last week, the author spoke of a full and complete recognition of sin. He didn't sugar coat it in the slightest. One of the most important aspects of his poem was his acknowledgment where he admits:


“The lingering visions of what I've done haunt my soul, assault my heart, dominate my thoughts.”

I confess that I too have been in this exact position too many times. When you are there, it's so difficult to see God. I know at times like this, all I can see is my penchant to do evil. That's what makes this weeks lesson on relationship so important.

Many years ago, I heard a teaching on God's covenant with Abraham. In essence, God cut Abraham a deal that He knew Abraham couldn't keep. The keeping of the covenant was going to depend on God. Guess what? He did!

One thing that I have to carefully remind myself is that I dare not compare myself to others. If I do, I end up with something along the lines of “Well at least I didn't do that!” That type of attitude places me in a position where I go to God on the strength of my merit. My approach to God would be “God, here is what I did. I know it's bad, but it's not as bad as what Billy or Sue did.” Jesus described this type of person as a Pharisee. Someone who stands before God and says “Thank God I'm not like this sinner ...” while the sinner simply beats on his chest and cries out “Forgive me God!”

One thing I can do though, is to read the Bible and understand that it does not sugar coat anything. I get to read about Abraham the “Father of our Faith” and look at some of the bonehead stunts he pulled. Things I wouldn't have known if the Word hadn't told me about them. And then I read in Romans 4 the story of Abraham's greatest triumph and what the Bible says about him. If you read carefully, you will see that God has a rather high opinion of Mr. Abraham.

The subject of our study is Psalm 51, written by David. Clearly David is someone that made his share of mistakes and yet God has a pretty high opinion of this guy as well. Let's see, who else could we look at? Oh, how about Moses? I remember a story where he killed a guy. Any doubt in your mind what God thinks about Moses? And then there is Paul, Peter, Elijah, Rahab and on and on. I read in the Bible where people partner up with God and then fail, and sometimes in a rather spectacular fashion. Yet, God holds up both ends of the agreement.

I write this because I am reaching out to God and asking Him to help me learn about my relationship with Him. Too many times, I short change both God and myself because my eyes are focused on me and my failings. I have a very strong tendency to “degree” my sin's and then stand back and compare myself with Hitler or Jeffrey Dahmer or whoever and then smugly feel, “well at least I didn't do that!”

Hebrew's tells us to look unto Jesus, the author and FINISHER of our faith. It is so trite to speak of “let go and let God” when someone is locked into a pattern of sin that they physically can't let go of. That person (ie: Andy) will then focus his eyes inward and miss the big picture. I need to rely on the relationship God established and trust Him. I have to understand that the relationship with God is based on His performance, not mine. I so desperately need that.

This last year has been a very trying year for me. Lofty goals and desires developed as a young man simply aren't going to happen. I accept that. It's part of “maturing” as both an adult and a Christian. However, I do think the one thing I have learned is this: There is NOTHING more important than understanding my relationship with God. It really doesn't matter what else I do or don't do, if I can focus my energies on God and what HE can do and not worry about what I can or can't do, then I believe I will begin to experience the peace of relationship that Paul and David talk about in their writings.

Oh Lord, please don't let me fall into the trap of comparison. Don't let me compare myself with anyone. I sin Lord. I sin often. I sin on purpose. I sin because I like it. It's easy to sin Lord, I'm good at it, a true professional. I come to you and ask simply that you take this mess I've created and let me experience your love towards me in such a way, it will fill those areas I try to fill with sin.

Wrecking Ball Theology

Psalm 51:12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.


This week the Author makes a very good point. When God starts to rebuild our lives, He must first remove the older structures of our lives in order that a brand spanking new building can be built. He points out that God doesn’t use a wrecking ball and just demolish the old structures with one fell swoop. No he use smaller tools and dismantles the structure piece by piece and He takes His time to make sure the job is done correctly.

The author opens with verse Psalm 51:12 but I think a much more fitting scripture comes from Deuteronomy 7:22:

"The LORD your God will clear away these nations before you little by little; you will not be able to put an end to them quickly, for the wild beasts would grow too numerous for you.

When I was a young man in college I hired on with an excavation company in Liberty Indiana to help tear down a building that was over 100 years old. It was built in the 1860’s and was being torn down. (I might add that my Dad wryly commented “That’s a good job for you … right up your alley!”) I thought it would be easy and fun. It wasn’t. It was some of the hardest and most dangerous work I’d ever done. I had to sign a paper that released them of all responsibilities in case of my sudden demise and if I found anything of value, it was their property. (I did find a cap and ball revolver with real confederate money behind one of walls!)

As I related this weeks lesson to my life I could see a strong parallel between how God has worked in my life and how I’ve grown through the process.

First of all I signed a release to my life when I signed on as a Christian. My life is not my own, but God’s. ("I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Gal 2:20). This means for me to die is gain and to live is Christ (Phil 1:21). Being killed while tearing down a building wasn’t something I worried about when I was 22. When God starts removing structures in my life that need to be demolished, it feels like I’m going to die sometimes, but I no longer worry about it. Let God be God and I will be the benefactor. And even though I can’t see what is coming, I can trust that it will be better than what was there before.

The second part of this I find interesting is that there was value found hidden in the old building. Much to my dad’s chagrin, I filled the entire trunk of my 64 Oldsmobile with things my Mom thought were “precious”. I can tell you this, by looking at the old hotel and the wreckage of the building, it’s hard to see anything of value in there. Isn’t that how God sees our lives and the lives of others? Other people may look at your life and see a wreck. You may look at your life and see a wreck. But God doesn’t. He sees things in your life of value and it’s only through the tearing down of the old that the things of value can be seen.

It’s interesting that while the tearing down and removal of the building took only a few weeks at most, the tearing down and rebuilding of a life takes a lifetime. Deuteronomy 7:22 tells us God respects our emotional and physiological make up because he doesn’t do it all at once. He takes time and does it slowly but surely. He takes the things in our life that are broken, barren or overrun with weeds, and he fixes, rebuilds or plants new and vital structures so our lives can reflect His and so we can become more Christ like every day.

Oh Lord: Help me to not get nervous or worried when I see some structure in my life you haven’t worked on yet. Sometimes your work in removing one thing exposes something else that needs to be removed as well. Help me to understand the process. It doesn’t happen all at once and I shouldn’t expect it to. Help me to realize you love me when I see things that have yet to be torn down or fixed.

Thanks Lord … I appreciate you!

Just what did God do when I got saved?

This week the author launches into an area I’m not qualified to discuss. He speaks of sin as it relates to small children. When I read this, I wondered what I would say since anything I say in this area carries no weight. So I prayed and read it again and I began to see some things that have been rolling around inside me for many moons. Let me explain.


When the author refers to small people and their innate ability to demand their own way I began to think of the relationship I have with sin. I got saved at 16 years old (That would be July 1968 in case you wondered) while sitting in a very hot chapel in a school that is described as “a controlled disciplinary environment”). I got baptized in the Holy Spirit 10 years later. But over the years I’ve found that I still voluntarily do things that are not Godly. I find I want to do things that are sinful and (to make matters worse) I then go out and do them. So there is nothing new in this pattern. It’s been going on for a long time. So rather than rehash years worth of sinful, stupid events in my life, let me cut to the chase.

What did God actually do when I got saved?

That’s the question I have. Second Corinthians tells us this:

2 Cor 5:16-17 Consequently, from now on we estimate {and} regard no one from a [purely] human point of view [in terms of natural standards of value]. [No] even though we once did estimate Christ from a human viewpoint {and} as a man, yet now [we have such knowledge of Him that] we know Him no longer [in terms of the flesh]. Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh {and} new has come!

Please note, the old previous moral and spiritual condition has passed away. So if that is true (and it is) then I am missing an important piece of information that will help me function correctly as a Christian. I don’t know what actually passed away and what to do with what remains.

It appears to me, that since I am a spirit and I live in a body and I have a soul (mind and intellect) then what Paul is talking about here is my Spirit. God gives me a new spirit that is fashioned after Christ, with desires for Christ and God. The old spirit is gone. So my spirit is a new creature.

Now comes the true battle, the one with the rest of me. I think if we follow Paul’s writings in the order they were written, we can see an interesting pattern. Lets look at 3 sets of books, Corinthians, Romans and Philippians. They were written in that order. I’ll take 4 sets of Scripture and summarize them in the order Paul wrote them.

1. We are a new creature (2 Cor 5:17)

2. Paul Wrestled with a thorn in the flesh (2 Cor 12:7)

3. Paul wrote in Romans 7 that he did things he didn’t want to do, but identified sin as the source of the problem, NOT PAUL.

4. God will finish in us what he started (Phil 1:6)

Here is what I see happened in Paul’s life. He recognized he was a new creature when he got born again. He started wrestling with his flesh and sin in 2 Cor 12. He realized in Romans 7 he was fighting something he could not beat by himself. Then in Phil 1 he relies on God to bring him through to the end.

This is a high level view of Paul’s life and perhaps from a different perspective than you’ve looked at it before. If you dig into this a little deeper, you will immediately run into Romans 8. There is a way out of the sin cycle in this life. It’s not easy and if you fight addictions and repeated failures in overcoming sin it seems like there is no way out. But God clearly tells us there is a way to overcome. I struggle mightily when I try to overcome and fail. That’s when I need to rest on God’s grace and mercy and those that God has placed in my life as traveling companions.

Now in order to bring this to conclusion, let me come back to the author. He is coming at this book from a Calvinist point of view. I don’t share that view. Much of this chapter sounds like it is rooted in the Calvinist definition of “depravity”. I don’t ascribe to their definition of the depravity of man. I do know that man is clearly born into sin and that we need a savior to deliver us from the bondage of sin. I have placed my trust in that savior. I believe Peter when he says God has no desire that anyone should perish. So the main question I’ve asked is what did God do when I got saved? I’m going to write what I think happened. I may not have it all correct, but here is what I think happened.

I think God gave me a new spirit and the Holy Spirit to help me manage life until I either go home to be with the Lord or He comes back. I’m going to have success’s and failures, but I can rest assured that He will accomplish in me that which he intended all along!

Then I will Teach Transgressors your ways ....

Ps 51:12-13 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then will I teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted {and} return to You.


This week the writer talks about an interesting subject. I’ve read this several times just to make sure I understand what he is talking about. His point is that God will use the brokenness of our lives to teach others about His grace.

I must confess something to you. I’ve written this blog before and then torn it up. The first time I wrote was raw emotion. I wrote it out of a sense of frustration and fear. Frustration because I can’t fix the things that are wrong in my life. Beverly spoke of this very eloquently when she told of her inability to stop worrying about her kids. She said something to the effect “I simply can’t stop Lord and if you don’t help me, I won’t be able to quit.” That was what I took away from the class concerning the kids. Roque then commented it doesn’t get any better or easier when you are in your late 80’s. I laughed heartily but I’ve had time to think through the conversation they had and I can learn something from it.

Roque is like the apostle Paul in this sense. Both look back at lives that were full of mistakes and yet they don’t speak of the mistakes and the pain, they both speak of God’s rich grace and love. I think Roque gets it. I think Paul got it. I think Andy needs to get it.

As I told you about the first draft of this week’s blog, it was written out of frustration and fear. Frustration that I can’t fix the things I want to fix. Fear because I don’t want people to learn about me what I know about me. That terrifies me. So I do everything in my power to “avoid” detection. What’s interesting about this fact is I’m not afraid for people to learn about “me”. I’m deeply ashamed of what I know about me. It’s this deep and pervasive sense of shame that drives my actions on many occasions.

What I just told you lays the foundation for my response to the author this week. I don’t think I can “teach” anyone about some of these issues until I’ve been successful in overcoming them. If you want to learn how to win super bowls, you don’t go to the Falcons and ask them. You go to a team like New England, who has had success and won. They’ve both tasted defeat, but only New England has actually won a super bowl. So if I want to know how to win, I go to New England, not Atlanta.

I apply this to my life. I see my life in the same sense. I can’t teach anyone how to be an overcomer if I can’t “overcome” the problems I face daily. Mind you, I’m not saying I haven’t made progress, I have. But I don’t see myself as an “overcomer” until I “overcome” the issues I face and until I do overcome, I don’t see how I can be an effective “teacher”.

Let me be clear about one thing. I’m not saying I have to be perfect. Far from it. I am saying I need to see some successful “overcoming” before I can be a helpful teacher to someone else. If I’m wrong, I don’t see where. It makes sense to me.

If I’m going to be able to be an effective teacher of God’s grace, I need to be able to look someone in the eye and say to them, “I’ve overcome that with the Lord’s help, and here’s how.” I can’t look someone in the face and say, “Yes I know your struggles. I have them too, and I don’t have a clue how to help you because I’m stuck in the same “slough of despond” and can’t get out.” The former statement is helpful. The latter is not.

As I finish my thoughts this week I need to tell you what happened yesterday. Julia and I were on our way to the council meeting. I needed to drop some mail so we thought we would eat next door at “My Pie”. We’d never eaten there before, so we thought we would try it. After we ordered, we started to sit down and saw Ms. Becky sitting at a table grading papers. There was a young man with her and when she saw us, she invited us to sit with them. She cleared her papers and we sat down. As we started talking she asked us to share how we met and how we got saved. We did and after we finished, we had to hurry to get to the meeting. It dawned on me that this “chance” meeting was in line with this week’s lesson. Sharing my testimony is something I can do with ease. I don’t have a problem with that. It’s the teaching part I struggle with. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs here. But sharing my testimony is one thing. Teaching someone how to overcome is different. I can share my testimony with ease. I can’t tell you how to overcome in certain areas because I haven’t been successful in that area.

As you can tell from my discussion this is a difficult area for me. Perhaps it shouldn’t be, but it is. Last night’s meeting with Becky was ordained. I sensed God’s hand in immediately. I sensed also that the meeting was for my benefit. It was to let me know God knows my address and that he can use my life story if I will let Him. There is much work to do but there has been much that has already been accomplished. I need to just rest in the knowledge that when it’s all said and done for Andy Hines, that God will have accomplished what He wanted to accomplish. It’s based on what He can do, not what I can do.

Lord, Please let me rest in your grace. I find myself in constant agitation because I’m not farther along the path than I am. I constantly worry that there is something else I need to do. I simply can’t imagine a scenario where you are pleased with my efforts. Please give me peace to know you are pleased with me. I need that desperately.

Create in me a clean heart oh Lord ....

Psalm 51:10 NLT Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me.


This week the author looks at David’s propensity for sexual compromise. He gives us a rather graphic picture of a “dirty” heart. While it would be easy enough to concentrate on the sexual immorality of David’s sin, I see this from a bit different perspective.

When I first read this week’s lesson, I thought, “Oh no. Lord, how do I deal with this?” Then I received a vision, and I smiled, because of what the Lord reminded me.

Just before Julia and I were married I had a good friend who spent time in combat in Vietnam. After he returned home he was looking for work. A new donut store opened in town and they hired Dale. He was so happy because Dale LOVED donuts. The first day on the job, they told him he could eat as many as he wanted as often as he wanted. They didn’t care. He was in heaven on his first day at the job. Then I saw him barely a week later and asked him how the job was going. He told me he never wanted to see a donut again. He did eat all he wanted and he got so tired of donuts, he quit the job.

I tell you this because of the parallel I see with David. Second Samuel 12 tells of Nathan’s confrontation with David. Nathan give this message to David from the Lord in verse 8:

I gave you your master’s house, and put your master’s wives into your arms. I also gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all that somehow seems insignificant, I would have given you so much more as well!

This amazing verse seems very clear to me. God gave David everything he could want (including women) and if he needed more, the clear indication is all he had to do was ask. This is the point I want to look at. David could have had all the women he wanted, when he wanted them. What more could any man ask for???? Well …….

Like my friend Dale with the donuts, David was unable to maintain a gluttonous pace with women. When I look at both men, I see a problem. One I haven’t been able to successfully work through myself. The problem?

There is an itch deep within my soul I am unable to scratch with anything even though I try everything. In addition, I don’t know HOW to let God into my life such that He can scratch it for me!

Dale and David both showed that you can’t satisfy your desires no matter how much of the desired item you have. Donuts, women, booze, drugs, electronic things, golf, whatever it is.

I am not a counselor, but it appears to me that the attempts to do exactly as Dale and David tried to do leads to addictions. In today’s world, we have an addiction for everything. I understand addictions. Like Dale and David, I struggle with the attempt to fill the hole with things other than God. Others have described the hole as a God sized vacuum that only God can fill. I understand that. I understand addictions. I also understand that you will NEVER get addictions under control if YOU keep trying to fill the hole with stuff. You battle alcohol and quit drinking. Now you are doing drugs. You begin to deal with that and sexual addictions become a problem. You abstain and compulsive purchases become a problem. There is NO END to the misery of your own effort. I speak from experience. The scriptures speak clearly to this very issue in Isaiah 50:10-11 (NET Bible http://net.bible.org/home.php)

Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys his servant? Whoever walks in deep darkness, without light, should trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. Look, all of you who start a fire and who equip yourselves with flaming arrows, walk in the light of the fire you started and among the flaming arrows you ignited! This is what you will receive from me: you will lie down in a place of pain.

Here is the Andy version of these scriptures:

Are you a Christian who loves God yet struggles and you don’t know why? Trust God to show you, but DON’T try to fill the hole in your life with stuff or it will cause you deep pain and frustration!

Now that is how I read this scripture and that is how I see David’s situation. His request for a clean heart makes perfect sense to me. He recognizes the wickedness he is capable of doing, yet seemingly unable to stop. He asks God to do for him what he can’t do yet wants desperately.

I understand his thinking here. I see in me things I hate yet I don’t have the ability to “fix” them.

I want to close with this final thought. Even though I see the things in my life I don’t like, I am not despairing about them. I used to, but not today. These things haven’t caught God off guard, only me. He knew about them long before I did and while I can’t see the end results, He does and His assurance that everything will be ok with me one day is of great comfort to me.

My hope and prayer is that you too may experience that great assurance if you find your self in the same position David and I have.

Week 21 - A need for cleansing ....

This week we are to consider the idea of being “purged” of our sins. The author introduces a very valid concept of two things that need to happen. The first is forgiveness and the second is a cleansing or “purging” of the sin that caused us to need to be forgiven.


This week I can relate to the author’s line of thinking. I understand that I am forgiven. God provided the lamb that was the ultimate sacrifice. So I am forgiven now and for eternity. With that understanding or (as the author does) if we view forgiveness as a backdrop, I am confronted with the reality of Romans 7.

Rom 7:14 We know that the Law is spiritual; but I am a creature of the flesh [carnal, unspiritual], having been sold into slavery under [the control of] sin.

Rom 7:15-18 (AMP) For I do not understand my own actions [I am baffled, bewildered]. I do not practice {or} accomplish what I wish, but I do the very thing that I loathe [which my moral instinct condemns]. Now if I do [habitually] what is contrary to my desire, [that means that] I acknowledge {and} agree that the Law is good (morally excellent) {and} that I take sides with it. However, it is no longer I who do the deed, but the sin [principle] which is at home in me {and} has possession of me. For I know that nothing good dwells within me, that is, in my flesh. I can will what is right, but I cannot perform it. [I have the intention and urge to do what is right, but no power to carry it out.]

This is a struggle I have had for many years. I prayed Psalm 139:23-24 with an honest heart and God answered my prayer. Here was my problem in a nutshell. When I didn’t know what was inside me and I thought I was ok spiritually, then I FELT good about myself and my spiritual life. The reality was completely different than my perception and when I learned what I was actually capable of and what I was willing to do, I was devastated. I thought God had removed that type of thing from my life. Obviously my understanding of my true situation was wrong.

I can relate to David in this sense. I want cleansed from the garbage inside me. I hate what I see inside of me worse than anything. I don’t want it in there. But it is. So what’s a Christian to do? Counseling? Yes, I’m involved in very helpful counseling. Prayer? Obviously, I talk to God about this regularly. Start drinking again? Been there done that … didn’t work then, won’t work now.

The bottom line? I don’t know what to do. There must be something I can do but I haven’t found it yet. I’m looking diligently for the answer, but I simply haven't found it. Let me illustrate this whole issue from an event that happened on my most recent trip to Valdosta.

We have a new franchise in the Valdosta area and I am responsible for their business. I was there the last couple of days to work with them. After I am through at their office, I am exhausted. I’ve been pounding the road for 10 days and flown all over and I’m mentally and physically tired. So on my way to eat dinner, I see a Japanese Steakhouse. It’s one of my favorite places to eat, so I stop in. I’m the only one at the table so I’m sitting there catching up on e-mails. I suddenly turn around and see the hostess seating a young couple and two little girls next to me. They are African American and so while they are sitting I “look them over” and I make a few mental notes about them. The notes went something like this:

1. He looks like a rap artist. Long braided hair, funky hat that isn’t worn like I think it should be, so clearly that is a problem. Gold jewelry everywhere, mouth full of gaudy gold fillings. Obviously a thug.

2. She is younger than he is and much nicer dressed. She must have a job. She is probably pulling the whole load. He is probably along for the ride tonight and really doesn’t want to be here.

3. The two little girls are probably illegitimate and they are not married.

4. They probably are on welfare and I’m footing the bill for them.

Mind you, I made these judgments in milliseconds. I had these two pegged. Then I sensed the Lord move me to talk to them. So I did. Here is what I found out.

1. They have been married for 3 years.

2. They are both Christians

3. They are 29 and 30 and have been struggling to stay together for 15 years.

4. He was in prison for 8 years for shooting a man.

5. He became a Christian and has been on the right path for several years.

6. He gives his wife all the credit for his even being alive and God is a major part of his life.

7. She works in the hospitality industry and he is a roofer who is having to deal with a very bad economy.

Need I say more? I simply asked them to tell me more and what I heard was the Lord speaking to me. Oh sure they were talking, but it was the Lord speaking.

I didn’t say much. What could I say that would be of any help to them. I’m hard of hearing anyway and I could barely understand him at all, but I heard enough to know I had been put squarely in my place again. As I left I prayed with them sitting right there at the table. He prayed for me and gave thanks for God bringing me into his life and for encouragement.

As I left and paid I felt miserable. However, God gave me a vision. As I was paying the bill, I saw Jesus standing there beside me, waiting on me to pay the bill. As I left to go to my car, He opened the door for me and went outside and stood there besides me. I looked over at Him and I was ashamed. He was looking at me, smiling with a toothpick and opened the door of my car for me. I said that’s why I need a savior isn’t it. “Yup” he said as he walked around the front of the car, got in on the passenger side and said “Let’s go back to the hotel.”

I simply didn’t have any words other than “Oh Lord … purge me.”

Their names are Skeeter, Kay, Sharika and Nestle. Please pray for them, they are a great family. Pray for me too … I need it desperately.

A final note. When Kay told me her little girl was named Nestle, I laughed and said that sounded suspiciously like a chocolate bar. She said it was. When she was pregnant with her, she loved Nestle crunch bars and that Nestle sounded better than crunch! Then her eyes sparkled and she just laughed a real heartfelt laugh. I did too ….

Isn’t God good!

Whiter than snow - week 20

This week is about Nathan the prophet. The author gives us a very clear picture of a simple, un-pretentious man who heard God and did what he was told. “Thou art the man” he told David. This is a very gutsy move on his part. I rank it right up there with Esther going to the king for Mordicai. When I read in the Bible of people like Esther and Nathan, I always wonder what I would do in the same situation. I think this is an important question to ask. “What would I do?” I think it is important to ask because my tendancy has always been to compare myself to others and usually the comparison is for the purpose of making me either look better of feel better. “Whew, thank God I’m not like that person” or “I am glad I don’t’ struggle with that problem” are some of the nicer things I’ve thought.


What this week’s lesson has done is to bring into focus a very real problem for me. I am no different than anyone else in this regard. All people have problems and God loves all people and desires that no one should perish. I need to see people through God’s eyes. All people, even Mike Tyson.

Julia and I record TV shows during the day and then we watch them in the evening. We like to watch Oprah and last week Oprah interviewed Mike Tyson. I like boxing and Mike Tyson was one of the most fearsome fighters I’ve ever seen. He was powerful, mean and virtually unbeatable. I didn’t like him at all. I didn’t know anyone that liked him. In fact, I hated the guy. I wanted to see him destroyed in the ring. He was beaten by Buster Douglas in a famous fight in the early 90’s. After that, “Iron Mike” went downhill and finally ended up in prison. Good ridance or so I thought. When I saw that Oprah was going to have “Iron Mike” on her show I thought it would be interesting to watch it. So we did. And did God ever touch my life through the show.

Julia and I sat there riveted to the screen unable to turn away while Mike Tyson poured out his soul to a national audience. The pain this man suffered as a boy growing up was unbearable. He recounted time after time incidents that happened in his life and how the one man who offered any help to him (Gus Dematto) or showed him any concern at all, taught him to be a warrior. He taught him to fight. Gus died in 1985 and Mike was on his own. Here was a 20 year old kid that earned 300 Million dollars with no guideance and a heart full of pain. As he described his life and how he has changed, you could see his contrite heart. He lost his 4 year old daughter to a terrible accident. As a young boy he raised pet pigeons. A bully came into his house and killed them all right in front of his eyes and Mike made a vow that no one would ever bully him again. They didn't.

As he recounted these incidents and what prison did to him, the tears would not stop flowing. Here was “Iron Mike Tyson” as a broken man of 43 trying to get his life back together. Julia and I were stunned. There were tears in her eyes and I was just as moved. My thoughts went to my judgement of Mike Tyson. I judged him with a harsh judgement that had no mercy or offered no grace. Why? Because I thought I was clearly better than him. Oh how wrong can a person be.

Julia and I were both affected by the show. But there is more to the story. I saw a news blurb in the paper last Friday about Evander Holifield appearing on the Oprah show with Mike Tyson to reconcile. (They had a famous fight where Mike bit Evander on his ear). Mike had spoken of this incident on his earlier appearance. He mentioned he apologized but it wasn’t sincere and he wished he could sit down with Evander and talk about it. Evander saw the show, called Oprah and she brought them together. Again, it was a riviting moment. Evander as a Christian had forgiven Mike and the reconciliation was complete.

What is my take away from this week’s lesson? That I am a person like others. I have issues, they have issues. All people need God and God needs His people to walk with their eyes open and a heart towards seeing other’s as He does. If we can do that, then we can truly say we are followers of Christ.

Oh Lord, please allow me the grace to see others as you do. Please allow me to offer grace and mercy when no one else will. I need that and I know others need it, so help me be that person that makes a differnce in someone’s life today because I had the courage to see them as you do and to act on that with the love of God.

Whiter Than Snow - Week 19 Part Deux

Last week the author spoke to us about the Lord’s Prayer. He was making a point about how it would disrupt our carefully constructed lives and move us into a very uncomfortable place where we don’t have control.


This week the author shifts us to a close look at “Thou art the Man” and the type of person Nathan the prophet was to deliver such a message.

The Lord has shown me some things this week that pertain to the lesson from last week and and important aspect of this weeks lesson. So I will have 2 entries this week. Todays’ entry is Week 19 Part Deux!

This week I am on a very difficult trip covering 4 states in 5 days. The nature of the trip forces me to fly. I don’t’ like flying anymore because of my arm and the hassle airport travel is in today’s world. Nevertheless, I am flying this week. The itinerary is a very complicated one as you can imagine. 10 Flights in 5 different airports have to land and take off within a very narrow window for me to be able to get it done. I don’t like this type of trip, it makes me nervous. While sitting in row 15 seat B on a plane I’d never heard of, I started thinking about travel and why it makes me nervous. Now I don’t know that the Lord was in Seat 15 A or it could have been 15 B, but it seemed like it. It is a control issue. When flying I don’t have control of much of anything. On this trip I had less than any control of anything. I was worried about connections. I was worried about the rental car and directions in Des Moines (which I drove to the wrong one anyway). I was worried because they took the bag I had my computer in and stored it someplace where I wasn’t. So as I sat there and thought about it, I sensed the Lord’s presence. I realized I had a choice to make. I could worry about things I have no control over, or I could relax and trust God to cover me. Which was I going to do? As I thought about it, I smiled and said (to no one in particular) “Traveling with me is not an adventure is it Lord?” I said that because I realized I so carefully structure my life and my travel schedule to remove as much uncertainty as possible. That’s why I can drive all over the country and usually tell you within a few minutes of when I will be where. As soon as I said that, I heard “Not much fun either!” I started laughing out loud in seat 15 B. He was right. I don’t allow time for fun anymore. I’m way too serious. If you would travel with me, I don’t smell the roses so to speak, I’m all business. The problem is I’m not just that way with business. I’m that way in all aspects of my life. I simply don’t allow for uncertainty. At least I do everything I can to minimize it and if there is a choice to make, I will always make the choice with the less certainty in it.

There is new freedom on the horizon. It is full of excitement, wonder and chaos (as I see it). I’ll keep you posted on my success in navigating these new waters!

Whiter Than Snow - Week 19

Let me be perfectly clear about this chapter of our study. I had a very difficult time with this. I disagree with the author on many things, but I just can’t seem to get on the same page he is with this chapter. I’ll share what I see and if you disagree with me, I would love to hear about it.


Ps 51:4 Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in your judgment.

Matt 6:9-13 Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven (left, remitted, and let go of the debts, and have given up resentment against) our debtors. And lead (bring) us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. {For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.}

This week the author looks at the Lord’s Prayer and for me, he sees something I don’t. He makes the comment this can’t be answered without the tearing down and rebuilding of many things in our lives. He is looking at this prayer as the end all prayer in the Bible. He made the comment “Had David prayed and lived this prayer, Psalm 51 wouldn’t be in the Bible.” Well that’s true. Had David done a number of things in Proverbs, Psalm 51 wouldn’t be in the Bible either. I guess what I am saying is I don’t see the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6 in the same light as the author. I may be completely off base here, but let me look at this prayer from a different perspective.

I think we need to look at this section of scripture as a piece of a larger unit of teaching. Matthew 5 places Jesus on the side of a mountain teaching the multitudes. Chapter 5, 6, 7 are all part of that same teaching of which the Lord’s Prayer is a small part. He talks about many things but he has a couple of theme’s he is putting out for the crowds. I want to look at those themes for a moment.

The first theme is an overview of the type of person God blesses. We call this the “sermon on the mount” and it is the first thing he discusses in Matthew 5. I think this shows people the target they are shooting for. This is the type of person you are to be if you want God to bless you. Jesus is simply setting a rather high standard for behavior.

The second theme is a rather in depth look at what types of things this person will have to do to actually BE the type of person Jesus described in the “sermon on the mount”. This is actually a “to-do” list describing such things as anger, adultery, divorce, vows, revenge, giving to the poor and other duties.

The Lord’s Prayer seems to me to be a request for God to bring to pass the conditions needed to enable us to meet God’s standard.

1. Bring about conditions where God’s name will be honored.

2. Bring about conditions where things work on earth as they do in heaven.

3. Bring about conditions where our daily needs are met continuously.

4. Bring about conditions where forgiveness reigns.

5. Bring about conditions where satan’s influence is minimized.

After the prayer, He goes into more detail about the things we need to do to operate effectively according to God’s will. Don’t be fearful, don’t condemn others, and be persistent in prayer.

He finishes chapter 7 with encouragement on how to build a solid, Godly foundation for your life.

This is my understanding of Matthew 5-7. So when the author begins talking about how badly this prayer will interrupt his carefully constructed life, I simply don’t see it this way. He wants to concentrate on a very narrow aspect of this prayer and (in my opinion) head down a rabbit trail of negativity.

Whiter Than Snow - Week 18

Ps 51:16 For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.


I wish I would live with you in view

Eyes to your Glory

Ears to your wisdom

Heart for your Grace

But I live with me in view



These 5 lines and this particular verse capture my heart as it has been changed in the last 12 months. I relate very strongly to these words. I think I could write an entire book on this weeks lesson and what it means to me, but I won’t. Let me just concentrate on these verses.

When I read this scripture, I’m reminded that God is not a God of lists and to do’s. I don’t have to perform for him, and He doesn’t want me trying. This is a huge thing for me. I learned at a very young age that performance was the key indicator of social health! If you didn’t perform at an expected level, you were punished for it. More importantly when you did manage to get it right and perform at the expected level, no one ever praised you for it, because that’s what you were expected to do. This put me in the position where I had to perform at a certain level just to stay accepted. This is what I learned as a young man. Naturally I carried this with me into adulthood. It wasn’t a bad thing to be striving to hit high performance as a young man in my 20’s. I was a super achiever at work. I worked all the time of course, but that’s ok, I was making progress, or so I thought. It didn’t work for me at any time, I just didn’t know it. The bar kept moving and I kept chasing it. It was always just out of reach, so I would work harder, longer and still I never got there. Now fast forward to today. I can see the problem very clearly and I don’t want to continue down the same path. The only problem is I don’t know HOW to not do what I’ve done for so many years. I don’t know how to NOT work 60 - 70 hour weeks. I don’t know how to take a rest and relax anymore. My idea of time off during the day is only working 8 hours! God doesn’t expect that of me, Julia doesn’t expect it of me, no one I know expects it of me. Who is it then that is driving this? People I knew 40 years ago. People who were heavy task masters as a young boy, it is they who drive my performance today. 40 years is the number of years the Israelites stumbled through the desert. 40 years is the number of years Moses stayed in the desert. 40 Years is the number of years I have been running from people who have long since died and are out of my life. 40 years I have been trying to perform for people that set unreasonable goals for me and set standards that were unattainable. I think it’s time to stop chasing the magic bean and cross over into the promised land. I don’t want to see this side of the mountain again!

I wish I would live with you in view

After I had the bad experience in Chicago I thought to myself many times, “I wish I could sit down at the kitchen table with just Jesus and I and have a cup of coffee and just talk with Him”. Then slowly I realized that I had the chance to do that every day with Julia. She is part of the body of Christ. She is Jesus in this world. If I listen closely then I can hear Him speak in her words. They are not always words I want to hear, but words I NEED to hear. They are spoken in love with the intent of helping me. So what I thought was an unreachable goal was before me every day, I just needed eyes to see and ears to hear. Our former lay leader captured this idea very clearly when he stated, “It’s amazing how many times the Holy Spirit sounds like my wife Joy!”

Concerning the eyes, ears and grace of God, I realize I have that as well through the body of Christ. I need to be more open to how God may well speak to me through others. This last Sunday we had 23 people in our class. That is the most I remember in any one class in 20 years of Gateway. As I sat there and looked around I saw people I love dearly and have shared many an intimate moment with in other classes such as these. I see God in this class. I’ve seen great hurt and pain that has been shared and worked on and through in many of the members of the class. How could I ask for more from God? I’ve seen Him at work on a regular basis in the lives of our classmates. I’ve seen and heard God on a weekly basis. That in and of itself is quite incredible. I’m reminded of a verse in John’s gospel:

John 14:9 Jesus replied, Have I been with all of you for so long a time, and do you not recognize {and} know Me yet, Philip? Anyone who has seen Me has seen the Father. How can you say then, Show us the Father?

Philip was like Andy or Andy is like Philip, depending on your point of view. Philip was looking for God to do something beyond the obvious, something spectacular. The idea that you would be able to see God by watching someone you know was really a foreign concept to Philip. My desire to meet God at the kitchen table has been answered a thousand times by Julia. There have been times I sat at the kitchen table with other Christian friends and unknowingly “Talked with God” and He has spoken to me through the lives of these fellow Ambassadors. That is quite amazing when you think about it!

Week 17 - Somebody Else

This week the author outlines a strategy for shifting the blame from ourselves to someone else when considering our personal failures. He is describing ways he has tried to shift the blame for his sins so he didn’t have to accept responsibility for his actions. He asks a couple of interesting questions at the end of the chapter.


Are there places where you’ve been tempted to blame inside struggles on outside pressures?

Where have you failed to seek the grace that is your’s as God’s child because you have successfully told yourself your most pressing problem is outside and not inside yourself?

I’ve been thinking of these two questions quite a bit. Concerning question #1, I don’t know that I blame any inside struggle on outside influences as he indicates. I do find that outside influences have caused great damage in my life. As I’ve aged, I’ve been forced to deal with these issues. I can very easily point to an instance in 2001 that was external pressure that has caused me no small amount of apprehension since that time. The Lord has very clearly used the event to show me issues that were already “inside”. The event in question simply brought existing issues to the surface for me to deal with. They were “new” to me, but the external event in question wasn’t the cause of the discomfort and pain, it simply brought it to the surface.

At some point in the last year or so, I began to see many of these “external” issues in a new light. Jerry refers to them as sandpaper. Most of the external situations I complain about are issues that bring to the surface things I need to deal with, but have carefully avoided. I think of my most recent business trip to the home office. I had to deal with woman that quite frankly doesn’t like me and is intent on making it rough for me when it suits her purposes. (That is my perspective at this time. I don’t have the complete picture yet about what issues she is dealing with). If this situation were left up to me, I would simply avoid her and either blow her off, or verbally blow her away. Neither of these two options will accomplish a Christlike work in me. So I spend time in the light of 1 Cor. 13 and Gal 5 and ask the Lord a simple question: “As your ambassador in this situation, how do I respond to her and honor you at the same time?” With that question in my mind, I entered into the meeting with her. She launched into the meeting and I noticed she was an equal opportunity destroyer as she also laid into one of the other operations managers with the same sharp verbal knife’s she cut me with. So as the meeting progressed, I took notes on what I saw and heard. From that little action of taking notes during the meeting I learned some very interesting things, and they weren’t about her, they were about me. I was sitting in class for sure, but I was in class with the Lord not her. It was like He was sitting there teaching me and using her as sandpaper to work on my rough edges. Let me show you what I mean. I had my Blackberry with me (this was BEFORE it blew up ....GRRRRRRRRRRR) and so felt led to review 1 Cor. 13 in the Amplified Bible.

1 Cor 13:4-9 Love endures long {and} is patient and kind; love never is envious {nor} boils over with jealousy, is not boastful {or} vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) {and} does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights {or} its own way, {for} it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy {or} fretful {or} resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice {and} unrighteousness, but rejoices when right {and} truth prevail. Love bears up under anything {and} everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled {and} pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed {and} cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth]. For our knowledge is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect), and our prophecy (our teaching) is fragmentary (incomplete and imperfect).

Several elements jumped out at me (right in the meeting I might add).

Love endures long and is patient. Application: Instead of getting mad at her because of her actions, I need to be a bit more patient with her. I need to endure it and not whine or complain about it.

Love is not rude or unmannerly. Application: Instead of giving her a piece of my mind, I need to be thoughtful and treat her with respect and NOT respond in Kind. (I wanted to drill her, but didn’t!)

Love is ready to believe the best of EVERY PERSON. Application: I believed the worst of her and in fact, told Julia some things I believed about her that were downright wrong. I needed to find something good about her and concentrate on that.

Love is not touchy ..Application: Ouch! All right Lord all right I get it!

I now have a new perspective on this whole problem. I now know how I can be a good ambassador and represent God well in the land of corporate meetings at least in this situation. I think there is enough meat here for me to grow and apply to other corporate situations. All in all, it ended up being a good meeting!

Question # 2 is an ongoing battle for me. I am so hard on myself, that I don’t accept God’s grace when I should. This is because I have been trying to “earn” points with God. I can’t just accept God’s grace, I have to do SOMETHING, it can’t be that simple. Can it?

The prosperity Gospel - week 16

I don’t like the term “Health and Wealth” gospel. I don’t like it because it is a pejorative term used to demean several prominent ministers who are very prosperous. In the mid to late 70’s Julia and I became aware of the Pentecostal perspective of Christianity. I can say without a doubt that our lives were changed forever by the ministries of Kenneth Hagin and Kenneth Copeland. I would go so far as to say I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for the Holy Spirit’s ministry through these two men. It was through their ministry I received deliverance from drugs, smoking and a dramatic turn around of my life.


Almost immediately we also became aware of the controversy of these ministries. That time in our lives was a critical nurturing period for our faith. I heard the criticism of these ministries. I listened to their teachings and I could not reconcile the criticism of their ministries with what they actually taught. They simply didn’t teach what they were being accused of. Julia and I listened to hundred and hundred’s of hours of tapes. We arose early on Sunday morning and would meet at a friends house and watch Kenneth Copeland on their TV before we went to Church. Kenneth Copeland did not teach a gospel of “name it and claim it” as it was being described by his detractors.

We became fond of many teachers. We enjoyed their ministries and we grew spiritually. Did we make mistakes? You bet we did. Those mistakes weren’t because of our pursuit of wealth through the gospel for personal gain however. I like to think of them as mistakes of “Enthusiasm”.

Over the last 10 years of ministry at Gateway, I no longer listen to Kenneth Copeland on a regular basis. It’s not because of Kenneth Copeland’s teaching, but rather I’ve learned new things. I’ve experienced God in a new light and some of the things that worked for me in the 70’s and the 80’s simply don’t work any more. Several years ago I spoke to our former Lay Leader about this issue. I told him “I wish I had learned more Charles Swindol and less Kenneth Copeland.” I was unbalanced in my approach to life and I took good scriptural teachings and I didn’t connect them very well to the path of life I was traveling at the time. There is much truth in Kenneth Copeland’s teachings. There are powerful truths there. But he only has one piece of the puzzle. Life is not black or white. There are shades of gray in life that I missed through Kenneth’s ministry. His testimony of God’s deliverance is powerful. His presentation of the death and resurrection of Christ is one of the defining moments in my Christian life. But he is human and he sees through the glass darkly as I do. He may see more things than I do, but he doesn’t see everything. Neither did the apostle Paul who penned those words. Paul also wrote “imitate me as I imitate Christ”. I tried in my early Christian walk to imitate Kenneth Copeland as he imitated Christ. I have fond memories of that walk and I am here to tell you, God used Kenneth Copeland’s ministry to infuse me with a love for God’s Word and to help both Julia and I to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I will forever be grateful to God and “Brother Copeland” for his ministry.

Sinners and Unafraid - Week 15

One of the best lines from this lesson is this: “But as you get older, you tend to look back at least as much as you look forward.”


How true this is. I’ve found this especially true for me in the last 6 months. I’ve always been an introspective type person. I’ve always analyzed my actions. Usually I don’t give myself a very good grade. I always find fault and am quick to point out everything I could have done. I spend little or any time thinking about any good I might have done. Recently that has changed.

I just finished a new book by the author Andrew Farley. The book is “The Naked Gospel”. The author has insight into the freedom God gave us when we became Christians. I’ve “Known” about this freedom for my entire Christian life. The problem is I haven’t really “KNOWN” it in my heart. I’m now beginning to understand what Jesus accomplished for us. This type of introspection is healthy, life giving and energizing. The more I realize what Jesus actually got accomplished and that I can’t add to it or take away from it, the more freedom I experience. I described it the other day as the bands around my chest are beginning to loosen. My past life has been colorful and there are parts of it I simply hate. However I can’t change one of them. Not one. Just as Jesus said “Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his life” he could just have easily said “Which of you by thinking about it can change one thing in your past”. I’ve worried and fretted about things that are long since gone. I’ve allowed my mental conditioning to be used by the enemy to beat me regularly because of my past. “The Naked Gospel” exposed that lie to me in such a way I can receive it. The knowledge that Jesus paid the price in full and is sitting at the right hand of God is comforting beyond words to this pilgrim. I can certainly pause and reflect on life. That’s good. I no longer have to beat myself up over my past. I am simply ruining a perfectly good day and that my friends, is a tragedy I will no longer indulge in.

The second line that is so meaningful to me here is “... if you and I are at all willing to humbly and honestly look at our lives, we will be forced to admit we are flawed human beings.” This is a simple yet powerful statement. Somehow in my theological upbringing, I picked up on the notion that I was a flawed human being, but that through my growth as a Christian, those flaws would be removed and I would proceed to grow and “fix” these flaws. I thought God would show me issues I had to deal with (be it smoking, drinking, sex or whatever the issue of the day would be) and then He would “Fix” them. Once they were “Fixed” I wouldn’t have to deal with them anymore.

WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!! Boy did I miss the boat here. God certainly doesn’t want me to participate in these things and He does want to deliver me from them. But I live in a fallen world and like it or not, perfection is a goal that is unattainable this side of heaven. I’ve been diligently following rules and lists of things I thought I should do to “fix” things and when they don’t “fix” I get frustrated and I end up going around that mountain again and again trying to “fix” them. As we all know the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I must point to the book “The Naked Gospel” as a lifeline God has thrown to me. One of the things that has caused me to be trapped in the past is I really didn’t think God had actually forgiven me. I knew I hadn’t forgiven me. I labored under the mistaken idea that God was always about half mad at me because I couldn’t get it right. How tragic for me. How much time have I wasted and lost in such a futile pursuit? I live in a fallen world and I am an ambassador to this world, a representative of the Kingdom of God. I am not perfect and God knew it and thus we have Jesus and the cross. I simply can’t add to that and my goal is to rest in His finished work daily. If I can go to bed at night and say I’ve rested in God’s forgiveness and the sacrifice of Jesus, then I’ve had a very good day!

The third line and the best for me is: “Isn’t it wonderful that we can do all of these things because, like David, we have learned that our hope in life is not in the purity of our character or the perfection of our performance.” As I sit here and read that line over and over and over, I can physically feel the bands in my chest loosen and i sense a lightness in my step that wasn’t there even a month ago. The advantages of this knowledge is apparent to me immediately.

I will be a better husband to Julia because I won’t be walking around on eggshells all the time, and I won’t be so angry because I make mistakes. Julia will feel better about being around me because I won’t be mad at me all the time!

I will be a better employee for my company. I will make less mistakes because I won’t be so worried about making mistakes. I will work less hours and be more effective in the time I do work.

I will be a better Lay Leader at Gateway. Because I won’t be so concerned about God being mad at me all the time. This will result in me being free to listen to God more and not “cowering” in His presence because I’m scared He’s half popped at me all the time!

Take A Moment

Are there places where your living portrays an unhealthy fear of God’s anger, judgment and rejection?

Do you ever doubt he could love a person such as you?

Is there a place in your life where you are still holding on to a regret even though God has forgiven you and does not respond to you based on your past performance?